I love 80s music and don’t care who knows it. The latest developments in music have only intensified my love of 80s music, as I enjoy music that is actually enjoyable to listen to and has a melody - more so, than, say, some guy moaning at me about how his life sucks.
The ingredients for an 80s song are: one-fingered synthesizer solos, saxophones for no damn good reason, that kinda harmonica-sounding keyboard sample, and, of course, talking parts.
Some of my favorite talking parts are:
Billy Ocean, “Carribean Queen”:
Right at the beginning he says, “She’s simply…awesome.”
Madonna, “Crazy for You”:
“…crazy for you.” at the end. Yes. She means it.
Arcadia, “Election Day”:
the Grace Jones bit in the middle.
Falco, “Rock Me Amadeus”:
a crowd-pleaser. The bit where he gives the history of Mozart’s life, ending, of course, in the triumph of having Falco do a song about him.
There are others, but I’ll let other folks point them out. Mmm-mmm! Talking parts! Today’s music could use em. And saxophones - for no damn good reason.
Funny you should mention Falco, Legomancer. He also performs quite an amusing talking part during the bridge of “Jeanne”.
At the end of Tom Petty’s “Girl on LSD”, after the verse about the ‘girl who was a dealer’, Tom informs us as the final chord rings that “Sure enough, she got caught by the big guys…”
One that I always found quite rediculous was the little bit during the opening bassline of “Don’t Stop 'Til You Get Enough” by Michael Jackson that sounds like he’s shyly trying to ask some girl to dance. While we’re on the subject, his new single, “You Rock My World” also contains a talking part featuring Michael and Chris Tucker. This talking part is beautiful in that it truly upholds the vision and principle of the entire new album*. It goes a little like this:
Chris Tucker: Oh, man! Lookit that girl right there! Goodness gracious- UH! That girl fine, man, lookit-- oh, she just too fine, she know she fine, too.
Michael Jackson: She is bangin’!
CT: Oooh, she’s off the hook!
MJ: She looks good…you’re right.
CT: Uh uh uh uh uh. I betcha can’t nobody get that girl.
MJ: Chris…I can get her.
And it sort of continues from there into incoherency.
(*By “principle of the new album”, I mean “The continued ruination of Jackson’s career”. I grew up with MJ, and his old stuff is untouchable, but I’m sorry, Invincible was just…well…vincible.)
Beck’s “Debra” also features a great little talking part, where Beck informs the subject of the song in a breathy R&B voice that she’s got something that [he’s] just got to get with.
The Ultimate Talking Part
My award for most effective talking part in music history goes to “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf. The song, being an eight and a half minute epic about sex in the car, contains a break in the middle in which 70’s style porno music is playing while a play-by-play announcer gives running commentary in baseball terms, which of course have sexual innuendo written all over them to narrate what’s going on between the guy and girl in the song. “Here he comes, it’s a line shot up the middle…and he’s out, no wait! He’s safe! Safe at second base!”
Julie Brown, Goddess in Progress, three great talking bit songs:
Earth Girls are Easy–“Oh yes, yes, is that your tongue?” “One of them.”
Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun–“Johnny? Who’s Johnny? Is anybody here named Johnny, are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny but he was a total geek who always had food in his braces.”
and
Because I’m a Blonde–“I just want to say that being chosen as this month’s Miss August is a compliment I’ll remember for as long as I can. Right now I’m a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian because I love children.” And of course “Duck, Magnum, DUCK!”
Then there’s that classic bit from Poison Arrow by ABC: “I thought you loved me, but you just didn’t care.” “I care enough to know I can never love you.”
…I was about to jam you and flat blast both of you
But I didn’t wanna mess up this thirty-seven hundred dollar lynx coat
So instead I chilled – That’s right chilled…
