Looking at the other articles on that website, I’m just surprised they didn’t somehow bring the evil Zionists into it - after all, isn’t Satanic rock a Jewish plot?
*The scene is the smoldering, rubicund depths of deepest Hell. There upon his throne sits Satan himself, one leg crossed over the other, enormous phallus arching stiffly toward the cavernous ceiling above.
Suddenly, from out of the fireplace tumbles ninety-six black-clad souls. When they recover themselves and discover that they are in the awesome presence of the Prince of Darkness, they cower in fear before him.*
Satan: And who are you, my crispy friends? It has been a long time since so many have come to join me here all at once.
Great White Fan #1: We-we were at a concert. The fire…
Satan: A fire at a concert? Excellent. And who were you listening to? Slayer? Carcass? Rotting Christ?
Great White Fan #2: Great White. It was Great White.
Satan: The fuck? Who?
“Great White!” say a number of fans. A few even raise their hands to display forefinger and pinky.
Satan: Fucking Great White? That pussy glam-rock band? WHO IN THE FUCK LET THESE ASSHOLES IN HERE? Diamond? Diamond! Get your fucking weasely ass in here.
King Diamond: Here, sir.
Satan: Did you let these fucking idiots in here? I should rend your soul to shreds!
King Diamond: Um, technically, sir, you can’t do that. I’m not dead yet and you don’t own my soul. [kneels slightly, makes a fist, and elevates voice three octaves] I’m just helping out in my spare tiiiiiime.
Satan: Shut the fuck up! I’ll ask you once again, and then I’m gonna get pissed. What. The fuck. Are these. Great goddamned White. Fans. Doing… HERE!?
King Diamond: Well… it was a sort of a trade, you see. [voice again changes to tenor] I didn’t think… you would miiiiiind.
Satan: Would you knock it off? What in the hell did you trade these chumps for? Hell is supposed to be a cool place to hang out and shit. What could possibly be less fucking cool than these losers?
King Diamond: [again, in tenor voice] Jiiiim Jones and his flock!
Satan: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? We only just get Ken Kesey, and you trade away the people who make the damned Kool-Aid? Diamond, you’re fired, man. Don’t come back around here when you’re dead.
King Diamond: But master! I was born to serve you! You can’t just push me away like this! I’ve done so well for you. Why, only just this morning I traded the 1919 White Sox to Purgatory in exchange for that Uruguayan soccer team, once they come up for grabs.
Satan: What? Jesus Christ!
Phone rings. Satan Picks it up.
Jesus Christ: Yo. 'Sup dere, Sa-tan-a-man?
Satan: How much is that prick King Diamond into you for?
Jesus Christ: [laughs] Man! Sold out an arena in Amsterdam for him. He’s into me like MJ is in little boys, know what I’m sayin’, man?
Satan: He’s yours. I’m sending him up right now. And these fucking losers you stuck me with.
Jesus Christ: Naw way, dude! Them kids is eeeeevil. An’ they ain’t got shit for taste, y’know? Dad would never go for it.
Satan: And do you think your Dad will go for Shoeless Joe Jackson getting traded to Purgatory instead of Heaven?
Jesus Christ: Aw, fuck, dude! You had a deal with Dad? Shit…
Satan: Yep, you’re deep in it. You can start by taking these fucking idiots off of my hands. And give me back Jones’ Kool-Aid crew. I’m expecting Paul and Ringo to kick off any time now and I need those loonies to cater the party.
Jesus Christ: Dayum. That’s pretty harsh, man. Can I at least come to the party?
Satan: Aren’t you still grounded after that little stunt you pulled with the Romans?
Jesus Christ: Yeah, dude, but the old man ain’t paying much attention to anything but his Playstation and Vice City these days–that and cornholin’ the Princess. So I can like, you know, sneak out and shit.
Satan: We’ll see. In the meantime, get these spray heads out of here, will ya?
Jesus Christ: Right on, dude. Think I’ll make those pussies wear wings and halos. And carry harps! You, too, Diamond.
King Diamond: NOooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
THE END
ROFLMAO
<sigh> And we’d have so much more respect for ‘good Christians’ if they complained about movies they’d never seen or books they’d never read?
You can’t have it both ways, dude.
" La Voz de Aztlan " is an anti-semitic fraud run by a single individual masquerading as some sort of “Chicano rights” organization. They are not a legitimate group, and frankly the less attention people give to the webmaster of that site - the better.
Sofa King, that was excellent.
The kind of details that I’m talking about come from sitting down with the movie, watching it over and over again and taking notes. Saying ‘I saw that movie and it has lots of graphic sex and violence.’ is a little different from ‘The word ‘fuck’ appears exactly 359 times, there are exactly 67 sexual acts comprising a total of 89 minutes 30 seconds of screen time…’
The detail they go into is the kind of detail that comes from watching a movie many many times, pausing stopping and rewinding to exactly time a sex scene, and they sometimes describe it in the very words they object to.
Hear! Hear!
Also, the scariest thing for me, regarding this over-the-top zealous sort of righteousness is this - it so eerily parallels the Wahhabist clerics in Saudi Arabia. You doubt me? OK, think about it…
The Wahhabi Clerics in Saudi Arabia cut a deal with the House of Saud about 100 years ago - namely, the House of Saud could run the country politically and continue their “feifdom” - but the Clerics had to be able to “police the moral climate” of the country.
Now, most of us here in the West are pretty blown out by some of the bizarre shit the Wahabbis get up to in Saudi Arabia these days - and yet, the reason why they can get away with what they do is because, well, basically, they’ve had no one to keep 'em in check for 100 years.
Given the same “unfettered leash”, your Fundamentalist Christians would end up going down a similar path too you know - because it’s all just an excessive exploration into zealousness - just a different name and a different photo on who they pray to…
Ultimately, there is only one TRULY effective solution it seems to me - and that is to monitor them, but never acknowledge them. Even a thread like this, if they find out about it, gives them a reason to cheer and try even harder to do their bizarre shit…
“I’ll tell you later.”
What a great thread.
References to Buckaroo Bonzai, an outstanding post by **Sofa King ** and everyone agrees that these nutjobs watch way too much R movies and take notes.
I can’t believe what I read in that article. I’m utterly speechless. Dumbfounded…
Great White did a cover of an X song!!?!!:eek:
Well, it takes me about 75 min. to get to Prov, and I figure, anywhere else in Dirty Rhody can’t be more than 20 minutes from there, right? 
(actually, I have no idea where Warwick is in relation to Prov. Them Salem Witches must be messing with my mind!)
Sofa King, that was classic.
Reminds me of an interview I read with someone who was watching a Spanish language channel when someone at the cable company hit a wrong button and “accidently” caused a porno channel to be broadcast in place of the Spanish station.
75 minutes? Jesus, man…the gas is the one on the RIGHT! Of course, this from someone who made it from Salem to Great Woods in 45 minutes one night…
Warwick is only like 10 minutes from Providence, tops. It’s 65 minutes away from Bev.
Yeah, but Salem is willing to let them go on thinking that, as long as it continues to fuck up traffic over the bridge for the entire month of October. My uncle owns a pizza shop downtown, and does about 50% of his sales in October.
Oh, terrific. I share a message board with a bunch of FUCKING MANIACS.
Then again, all of my road trips go into, out of, or through Boston, so that probably skews my perception.
Rigor Mortis?!? They broke up, like, ten years ago!
That’s what they get from trying to review the double-fearture of The Devil In Miss Jones parts III and IV But you see, they were trying to see if it was critical of satanism…