He is the only man to enter the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy and emerge unscathed. He rrefuses to talk about what he saw there. He doesn’t believe humanity is ready for this revelation.
He plays poker with Og on Wednesdays. He will not play games that have wild cards. It isn’t known, as yet, what stakes they play for.
He invented baseball. Abner Doubleday was a frelling poseur according to Cecil.
Once served, for a very short time as king of Albania but quit because he didn’t like the hours.
He has declared that he will not die until his life’s misssion, i.e. fighting ignorance, is accomplished.
His coffee mug is one of those objects caught in a time loop where it was never created. Being infinitely old, the mug still gets plenty of use every morning.
When wearing shoes with shoe laces, he always has two different colored laces for each shoe.
Speaking of shoes, he has an irrational phobia of shoehorns. The source of this phobia is still a mystery.
His mere presense causes scotch tape to stop functioning and lose its stickiness.
Has been seen in two places at once with viable alibis for both cases.
Doesn’t go into deep sleep, but merely takes light “cat naps,” keeping a sense of awareness of his environment.
As a lark, once built a scale model of Jersey City using dental floss, lifted the real Jersey City off its’ foundations, and replaced it with his model. It took three years for anyone to notice the difference.
Is barred from visiting San Marino.
Once beat Iain Duncan Smith in a fist-fight.
Can read the Voynich Manuscript. He says it’s a cookbook.
Personally destroyed 57% of all lost American silent films.
Wrote material for Fred Allen.
At any given moment, three government committees are investigating him.
Can whistle every version of the NBC chimes, even the five and seven-note ones.
Once beat Gary Kasparov in chess with just his King.
Addicted to nasal spray
His father was known as “the Pancake King of San Bernardino”
Whenever he calls his female dog a “bitch” he dissolves into a fit of girlish laughter.
Grows mysteriously quiet and gazes off into the distance when asked if he ever posed for Robert Mapplethorpe.
Invented the first Inkjet. With an actual jet.
Allergic to cinnamon toast, but not cinnamon, or toast.
Has saved the following people from going over waterfalls: Luke Wilson, Pele, Mamie Eisenhower, Mel Blanc, and the guy who played Che in the Bangor Maine Community Theater production of Evita.
When the original actor took ill, sang the part of Judas on the original cast recording of Jesus Christ Superstar.
Swears that he belched the alphabet “once, in college” but no one who has known him for more than 5 minutes believes him.
[ul]
[li]The Indiana Jones movies are based on his life.[/li][li]Also, the Die Hard movies.[/li][li]Has proof that beets are actually a hostile alien life form.[/li][li]Can run a mile in 2.7 minutes.[/li][li]Sleeps with a stuffed bear named Pooky.[/li][li]Put the bop in the bop sh-bop sh-bop.[/li][li]Parks on the parkway and drives on the driveway.[/li][li]Can move back and forth in time, but only on Sundays.[/li][/ul]