Every known fact about Cecil Adams

[Chrismoody]

I’ve read his column for a while (a newspaper here prints it) and here and there I’ve seen a few things he’s mentioned about his personal life.

Well… Let’s list them.

In the article entitled ow come the wheels of a moving car appear to rotate backward sometimes? he says he’s married (“To tell you the truth, Mrs. Adams raised the possibility of reverse rotation”) (Italics and bolding mine)
Let’s do it in that same format… Title of article as link… Quotes in italic… further focus of quote in bold [if necessary]).

Sorry if this has already been done… Just a curious longtime reader of his column looking for the straight dope.

[bibliophage]

Do left-handers die young? “I feel your pain, brother–I’m left-handed too.”

[Caught_Work]

What’s the origin of “the whole nine yards”?
“But I’m skeptical.”

Well, duh!

[CalMeacham]

he says he’s married (“To tell you the truth, Mrs. Adams raised the possibility of reverse rotation”) (Italics and bolding mine)

He says he’s married in several columns – In the one on chewing gum and sex he says that she preferss Big League Chew (and was a little “butch”, consequently). In one on pubic hair he mentions her.

[Liberal]

He’s colorblind.

[CalMeacham]

For you anal-retentive types who’d complain that I didn’t follow the OP’s form:

Being devotees of the scientific method, Mrs. Adams and I next retired to the laboratory for a round of experiments. She helped herself to a wad of Big League Chew (she’s always been a little butch), while I chose Wrigley’s Doublemint–hoping, of course, to double my pleasure.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_201.html

Various theories have been advanced regarding the purpose of pubic hair. For example, I have a Smithsonian monograph here–nothing like a little light reading in the john, you know–that presents the novel thesis that pubic and axillary (armpit) hair gives babies something to grab onto. My baby does this, it is true, but then she is 29 years old.

From 1982, so Mrs. Adams (or a predecessor) was born in 1953.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_064a.html

[CalMeacham]

Mrs. Adams is stacked:

As it happens, Cecil has a well-endowed woman friend who ran in a marathon, and pursuant thereto did training runs of as much as 14 miles a day. These often left her with a ghastly collection of abrasions where her bra rubbed. It seems safe to say, therefore, that the low incidence of big-breastedness among runners is to some extent a matter of self-selection.
(snip)

In any case, the Straight Dope research program in this vital area is continuing. (The woman friend referred to above is now Mrs. Adams.) Probably not going to be a lot of reports on the subject emanating from this department soon. But if anything startling develops, maybe I’ll find a way to give you a hint.

From 1984

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_319.html

[Billdo]

Former (and much-missed) poster neuro-trash grrrl captured the key known facts about Cecil Adams in a now-deleted (but saved by quoting n a best SDMB lines thread) post:

@neuro-trash grrrl

Who is Cecil? What is Cecil? Cecil is as the ebb and flow of the tides, as the solar wind dispersing the cosmic dust, as the pulsating cells of the brain. Cecil is the smile on your child’s face as he or she contemplates the knowledge in a brand new encyclopedia set, and the bill you receive for them afterward. Cecil is the dragonfly that soars on bejeweled wings, and the frog that catches the dragonfly as it zooms too low over the pond, and the alligator that eats the frog as it suns itself on a lily pad, the gator-wrestler who kills the alligator, and the heavy beer stein that smashes in the gator-wrestler’s head during a bar brawl in Baton Rouge. Cecil is as the molecular structure of our DNA, and also as the molecular structure of Grandma’s spinach-Velveeta soufflé just before it collapses, and the cheers of jubilation that follow. Cecil is the structural defect in your ice cream cone causing it to break and spill Rocky Road all over your new pants. Cecil is the physical laws that make airplanes fly, and also the physical laws that airplane designers occasionaly forget, causing devastating crashes. Cecil is the cockroach that refuses to die no matter how hard you stomp. Everything is Cecil, nothing is Cecil. Cecil is in all of us, Cecil is in none of us. Contemplating Cecil’s nature leads to cosmic enlightenment, and also migraine headaches.

Does this answer your question?

[Tapiotar]

I don’t know any facts about the ineffable Cecil, but I read an article somewhere that claimed that he does not exist, and something inside me died a little. Then I went to sleep and dreamed making love to Ed Zotti.

[Rico]

From here:

What’s Cecil really like?

Only his editors really know. When you ask them, their eyes glaze, their bodies become rigid, and they start to spit. They are struggling to express their joy, we figure. More than that we cannot say.

What do we know about Cecil’s private life?

Not much. Over the years he has revealed a few details in the column. For example, he is left-handed. That tells you a lot right there. We also know that there is a Mrs. Adams, although, now that we think about it, that could be his mother. Cecil has made reference from time to time to “the little researchers.” These may be children. On the other hand, maybe he just hires dwarves.

[TokyoBayer]

@Tapiotar

I don’t know any facts about the ineffable Cecil, but I read an article somewhere that claimed that he does not exist, and something inside me died a little. Then I went to sleep and dreamed making love to Ed Zotti.

Does that article really exist?

[scotandrsn]

He has intimate relations with pigeons.

Why do pigeons bob their heads?

…Listen, you chump, it happens that I have had an intimate association with pigeons since my earliest days and I know everything there is to know about them, or pretty nearly, anyway. My father used to send me out to feed the damn pigeons in his damn pigeon loft all the time…

[scotandrsn]

His remodeling plans are unlikely to recoup their investment upon sale of the property. He is an internet pioneer. He has enough money to blow on frivolities.

If all Chinese jumped at once, would cataclysm result?(1984)

… I have converted the spare bedroom in my house into a research library containing 16 million volumes, which are dusted twice a day by a team of robed acolytes holding candles. I have instant access via my Apple 380S GT to all the world’s data banks. Why, right here on my writing table next to the box of spare quills I have a dog-eared copy of 16,000 Unbelievably Complicated Physics Experiments for the Home and Garden, With Answers, which has helped me out of many a jam. …

[Fear_Itself]

He once had a job in a railroad yard:

When I was 18 or so I had a summer job at a railroad yard as a machinist helper at the diesel house.

[scotandrsn]

His taste in stagework is not 100% congruent with the mainstream

What are the REAL lyrics to “Louie Louie”?

…the “real” lyrics to “Louie Louie” are about as racy as a Neil Simon script, and almost as dumb.

[scotandrsn]

He’s apparently immune to the charms of an Albert/Gabor team-up as well.

Why is there no Channel One on television?

…Considering how things turned out, maybe they should have reassigned Channels 2 through 13 while they were at it. This would have spared us Green Acres, arguably the worst blow to civilization since the sack of Rome by the Huns. …

[Nars_Glinley]

He has a brother.

When did mankind figure out that SEX = BABIES?

Considering the state of sexual knowledge among some Westerners, e.g., my brother (“Whaddaya mean she’s pregnant? We only did it once!”), I wouldn’t be too hard on the aborigines.

[Little_Nemo]

He has a brother.

Said brother is named John and has a chin cleft. cite

“That’s right Chief, we’re closing in. We’ve got a name and a description.”

[Tapiotar]

@TokyoPlayer

Does that article really exist?

Not anymore. I read it in the Wiki article on Cecil in August or September. At that time, the entry claimed that Cecil was a pseudonym for either Ed Zotti or a collective. Just now, I rechecked the article. It is much shorter, debunks the Ed Zotti theory, doesn’t mention the collective idea at all. It was last edited on October 9th. It also gives other personal details gleaned from columns.

Cecil according to Wiki

I like the aura of mystery, as so poetically expressed by neuro-trash grrl. I would have said Santa Claus or Easter Bunny myself, but the ntg quote takes us right into the god realm.

My faith in the reality of Cecil is restored. I think.

[MacTech]

Darn, I was hoping this was more along the lines of the “Facts about Chuck Norris” and/or Vin Diesel thread…

Chuck Norris can beat up Vin Diesel, but Cecil Adams can take them both on with both hands tied behind his back and win!

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Cecil Adams
Cecil Adams invented the Internet, then invented Al Gore to take credit for it