I gave my son a haircut last night. He’ll be 3 in April, and I’ve been giving him haircuts pretty regularly for almost a year and a half. I keep his hair closely cropped, just for simplicity sake. It had been about 2 months since his last haircut, so he was looking pretty ragged.
At first, he said the clippers tickled, and he was laughing and carrying on. After a few minutes, though, he decided that the clippers hurt. I switched to scissors, thinking that maybe the noise of the clippers was beginning to scare him. My wife held him so that no one lost an eye or an ear. As I was making a snip, he jerked his head, and I cut a big gouge out. I did not cut him, but that gouge dictated that he needed (as my grandfather would say) a “baldy sour”.
I went down into the basement to lube up the clippers, have a smoke, and let the three of us relax.
When I came up, I was able to get him all trimmed up, but he did not enjoy the process. He kept slapping at his head, crying “Put it back, now!”
When he was done, he looked like a Marine, especially since he had on a camoflauge sweatsuit. (Side note-he enjoys watching Mail Call on A&E with me. He calls R. Lee Ermey “Numb Nuts”. Cracks me up!) I said “Hey, boy, you look like Numb Nuts.” This stared a whole new set of water works.
I retreated back into the basement and shaved my own head, hoping it would cheer him up. I’ve done this several times, but I let it grow out for the winter. When I came back up, I said “Hey, we’re like twins!” He just smiled and said “Daddy, you need a hat.”
After we got him to bed, my wife and I went to sleep. She wasn’t feeling well, and had taken NyQuil or something like that for her cold. She was in that halfway ground between sleep and consciousness when Colin quietly strolled in. He comes up to her side of the bed, and very calmly says “Hi, Mommy.” My wife turned her head to see what made the noise she just heard, and beng half asleep, wasn’t processing sensory cues very well. She looked at Colin and screamed (I don’t know if she was that startled, or if she didn’t recognize him…). He stiffened to full attention (Numb Nuts would have been proud) and screamed as well. In between the two of them screaming, you could hear the boy literally having a BM in his pants. I almost fell out of bed from laughing so hard, and my wife, finally coming to her senses, asked what I thought was so funny. “You scared the shit out of him! You actually scared him so much he shit his pants!” I have never seen that happen before!
That’s it. I just wanted to share, and have a historical record so that I can come back and have a good laugh now and then.
