The wait is over–the annual big weigh-off has happened at the Alaska State Fair and the winners in two of the monster vegetable categories are:
Cabbage: 77.6 pounds, won by eight-year old Brenna Dinkel
Celery: 63 pounds, won by 27-year old Scott Robb
Now, this is not a record for cabbage. The fair record is 105 pounds and the world record is in England at 124 pounds (you jest knowed them limey bastards cheated somehow).
Nobody knows if the celery is a record, as there seems to be no need up until now to record such a silly statistic. I mean, it’s not like it’s a cabbage, now is it?
The big competition, though, is between the Dinkels and the Rempels, two large, decidedly christian families that produce much of the veggies in the Valley, and many of the children. Those names are just meant for a feud, methinks.
