In the past we have had his platonic friends live with us for moderate lengths of time in past apartments and this house. It was agreed upon before they moved in that they pay a reasonable fee. Which is divided between the two of us if he wanted to wave his half that was up to him. My ex has always been territorial and people he did not have close long term friendships were unwelcome to stay in ‘his’ home. This has always created a double standard as my friends would not be welcome. I have no issues with anyone staying in my home my only requirements are no illegal activities or loud parties.
This BF I feel was kinda been snuck in under my nose by not establishing an agreement before he moved in. I actually like the new BF. I don’t view him as a freeloader. He does work and is probably capable of paying his own way and I suspect will do so if asked. The fact that I did not address the issue sooner is why I have been hesitant to demand a change to what my ex has allowed. I fault my ex for his lack of consideration which has always been reoccurring, thats why he is my ex.
As for the sale of the house and such and divisions. I barely spend time in the house as it is. Its not like an uncomfortable place to be. I’m always out working going to class or spending time with friends. I rarely see either my ex or his bf both wake up later then me and are often out when i get home and go to bed. Currently selling the house has little potential to profit. It is significantly cheaper and nicer to live in the house then it would be to rent an apartment. I have no desire to spend time selling the house and searching for a roommate and apartment. I’m still in the process of home improvement which typically works out to he pays for materials and I do the labor. When we bought the house we estimated 4 years to remodel and resell the house. We are on the correct timetable to accomplish that. It obviously wasn’t anticipated we’d break up. So far that has not prevented us from working towards the original goal.
I don’t know if I would call it rent, but he definately needs to pony up some dough. There is a word for fellows who don’t pay for their keep. It’s deadbeat.
I don’t actually see that as a problem. As 50/50 owners, the ex could make any arrangement he likes for his 50% share of the mortgage and bills, as long as Boytype isn’t affected or doesn’t mind. That’s why I say ownership is different than renting; the owner’s boyfriend isn’t making equity or has his name on the title or anything like the two owners are.
I agree with those who say the ex can use his half of the house how he sees fit. Even if the new guest paid rent, it seems it should go to the ex. Utilities, on the other hand, should be paid either by the guest, or the ex.
I know hindsight and all that, but as others have said, it would be a good idea to work out some rules (maybe even a written agreement) on rules for this kind of thing.
And there’s our lesson. My sister and her b/f have been in this situation before, living with friends and acquaintances (and currently with me), sharing a room and halving the rent for it between them. Bills etc were split equally between the entire household.
The only trouble they had was when a pair of friends they were moving in with decided that instead of my sister and her b/f splitting the rent for the room they were sharing, they should split the rent for the entire house with their friends. This was done at the very last minute and there was just enough time to cancel the lease on the place and no more.
So hind sight and all that is a help naturally, I’m not sure what could be done without a discussion between the OP and the ex that might get awfully terse in the circumstances.