My longtime roomate just bought a house, my GF and I moved in with him, how to work out rent

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been living with a friend of mine for the past 3 years, we lived with another roommate to start with who owned a home and needed roommates to help pay the mortgage. Things did not end well and we were asked to leave, long story.

My roommate and I then moved into a 2 bedroom apartment and split all the bills evenly, I got the bathroom inside the bedroom and he got the parking space. About a year and half into living there I started dating someone and she frequently spent the night, and then moved in, however we spent all our time in our bedroom and none of her things were moved in outside my bedroom. My roommate and I continued to split the bills while he was actively looking to buy a house. My GF basically became the housekeeper and kept the place looking nice while my roommate rarely did anything to help clean, that was sort of the trade-off I suppose.

One month ago he purchased a home and we all moved in. The house is a 2 bedroom 3 bath. My girlfriend and I live in the spare and my roommate in the master. The master is about double the size of our room, and his bathroom/closet are about double as well. He made all of the decisions regarding decorating, and has been clear on numerous occasions already that the house belongs to him. He even said he “I’m not sure if I’m ready for that” when I mentioned we might have some people over for my Girlfriend’s birthday in 3 weeks. My take is if we pay rent, we have a right to have people over, as long as it’s within reason.

The mortgage is around $1400 and my Girlfriend and I pay $700 of that to be in the smaller bedroom. Today my roommate said it was time to pay our cable bill, and I’m sure the water/sewer/garbage/gas/power will come shortly after. I asked him how much the cable bill would be so I could write him a check, he said he needed to split it 3 ways and would tell me.

So this brings me to why I’m writing on this forum. I agree with splitting utilities 3 ways as there are 3 individuals using them (well technically 4 but I’ll get to that later). However, my girlfriend and I are already paying half his mortgage to live in a much smaller bedroom. He is well aware that my girlfriend doesn’t make a lot of money, and the money that she’s paying towards rent is already the max she can provide (she pays 200 I pay 500). This means any further 1/3rd splitting would actually just come out of my pocket. He also has his girlfriend sleeping at the house on basically a nightly basis. None of her things have been moved over, however she doesn’t have a job so that plus his need for control and fear of commitment contribute to lessening the chance she’ll “officially” move in anytime soon.

I know I could just move out and get an apartment with my Girlfriend, however I think that if my roommate would just not be so greedy and controlling we could work this out fairly easily. I think he’s taking advantage of the situation, even though I know he couldn’t afford his mortgage on his own. If my girlfriend and I moved out I think he’d be in a much tighter spot than he might be anticipating. I know this because I got him the job he currently works at 3 years ago and I know exactly how much money he makes.

I guess I just want some advice on what you would do? I really don’t want to move into another apartment, the house is so much nicer… more space… no noisy neighbors… no walking a mile to get to my car. I have the money to pay the bills, it’s really more of the principal and the precedent that is being set by him being so controlling over very minor things, and at the same time trying to pinch every penny out of my girlfriend and I that he can. I’m 28 years old and don’t need to feel like I’m living with mom and dad again. Before you suggest it too, I can’t buy my own home, I have massive student debt and pay over $600 a month on them and will be for a very long time.

Do I tell him no on splitting the cable 3 ways? Keep it 50/50? Is $700 on a $1400 mortgage for a couple in a room/bathroom/closet half the size of the master fair? If I end up doing the 3 way split do I lay down some ground rules and tell him he needs to cut back on his controlling behavior and be ready to move out if necessary?

2

Solving this problem is easy. First, I’m assuming you have a time-machine. Simply go back to before you moved into this house and negotiate a lease that stipulates how much you pay and what rights you have to use the space.

If you’ve lent your time-machine to your grandfather and he’s returned it to you sometime in the future instead of now, when you actually need it, you unfortunately need to come to a written agreement with your landlord after you’ve moved in. If you are unable to come to terms that you are comfortable with, you need to move out. While it may seem weird to you if your friend becomes kind of a jerk about certain terms of the agreement and refuses to meet you half-way, remember that he is also a landlord now and has a lot more to lose if you do something stupid like burn down his house.

3

This is simple. He owns the house. You don’t get to decide anything other than staying and accepting his terms or leaving.

4

Mithras’ advice is excellent. While your grandfather is the main problem you can’t really do anything about that until he returns. In the meantime you have to forget what came before, when you were ‘equal’ in a way. Now your situations are very, very different and you need to work out a new set of rules.

Who will pay for it when an appliance breaks or the roof leaks for example? In a normal renting situation that would be the landlord. Do you have other expectations?

5

You need to get it into your head that you’re not just roommates; you’re living with your landlord. The stuff about his mortgage, the bedroom/bathroom size, and his girlfriend doesn’t matter because he owns the house. This doesn’t mean he should be able to push you around, but it’s different than just sharing rent with someone. You and your GF need to sign a lease (maybe even separate leases in case you break up) or at least some kind of agreement laying out the terms of your rent with him to protect yourselves.

The splitting up the utilities seems like a pain so when (not if) you sit down and talk about this with him I would ask him to determine a rental price that includes utilities, maintenance, and anything else he can try and nickel and dime you for later on. He should be able to estimate a fair price for that stuff. Keep in mind that there are other expenses that come with being a home owner that aren’t just monthly bills. If he’s smart, whatever he figures out for your rent should also include a little for him to put away toward emergency maintenance and property taxes. When you sit down with him it will also be a good opportunity for you to talk about shared spaces, decorating your space, that sort of thing.

Don’t forget to renter’s insurance.

6

Even when I used to pay rent, any guests or parties that I hosted had to get house approval from the rest of my roommates. Even though he’s the owner, him vetoing a party falls well within his rights as just a roommate. Doubly so as someone who has to foot the bill for any damages incurred.

Correction: smaller bedroom than his bedroom. You’ve stated that the place is already bigger than your apartment bedroom. You knew going in that you’d be paying half for the smaller room. Besides, he still has the liability of a mortgage on his hands, and you’re free to move out at any time. That’s a convenience that costs money.

That’s arisen because you guys didn’t have anything in writing beforehand. I suggest sucking it up, conceding to what you think are his demands, and write all of that up in a basic rental agreement. Maybe make a case for splitting the utilities 4 ways if he has a guest that stays at the house more than half the time, but be willing to concede on that as well.

Owning a house is a huge responsibility, and in his situation, he’s scared of not being able to tread water fast enough in case of an emergency (damages, an appliance goes out, you and your GF move, etc.). It’s entirely reasonable to expect him to want to see some return on rental costs, and half is, frankly, quite generous. Go on Zillow and check out the cost of renting a similarly sized house in your area - I think you’ll find that your half of the mortgage is a hell of a lot cheaper than what you’d pay for somewhere else (even with a roommate living in the master suite paying a proportional share of the rent).

7

Roommates splitting a rented apartment is a different animal than renting a bedroom in an owned house, which is essentially what you are doing. Before splitting utilities or other household expenses, you need to make a determination whether you are getting $700 worth of value already. Paying half of the mortgage may or may not be equivalent to splitting an apartment. If the $700 is reasonable, then you have to look at the other expenses the same way. I think you will end up choosing to move.

8

At this point he’s no longer your roommate, but your landlord. What’s “fair” is no longer about everyone paying their “share”. You aren’t paying half his mortgage. You’re renting a room (or perhaps rooms) from him. That rent is his income. He has every legal and moral right to make a profit from your rent. As well as the responsibility to pay taxes on that income.

He also has every right, legally and morally, to allow whoever he wants to stay in his house. He’s not a tenant, he’s the owner. Whether his girlfriend stays over, or even moves in, has no bearing on a fair rent.

Time travel jokes aside, it’s in everyone’s best interest to negotiate a lease, or at least a month to month rental agreement and stick to it. If you can’t come to an agreement that satisfies everyone, it might be best to find a new apartment.

9

I fully agree with the advice to negotiate a fixed-price lease that includes utilities and any other miscellaneous costs. It would be ideal to look at the cost of shared housing in your area to figure out a ballpark of a reasonable cost: maybe if a share of a two-bedroom apartment is going for $500, then paying $700 for a share of a house seems pretty reasonable, considering that you have more space, presumably a yard, etc.

Keep in mind that signers of a lease are generally jointly and severally liable for the cost, so if you and your girlfriend sign a lease for $700 (or whatever) and your girlfriend moves out, you don’t get to renegotiate the lease based on the fact that your girlfriend is no longer paying rent or utilities. You would owe your landlord $700 as long as you live there under that lease.

On the issue of your landlord’s girlfriend, that is none of your business whatsoever. On the issue of the party, your landlord is fully within his rights to not be interested in having a party at his house.

And finally, I don’t think your landlord is being “greedy” or “unreasonable.” He is, however, disorganized – as you are – for not drafting a lease and having the costs and your obligations fully laid out and understood by both parties. Whatever his financial situation may be if you moved out, that’s not evidence of him being greedy; it’s simply a reason why he should be motivated to negotiate a fair and reasonable price for your living in his house.

On the contrary, if you’re 28 years old, you should know better than to call him your roommate or even your friend. In this arrangement, he most definitely is your landlord, and you should start treating this issue as a business matter, not a dispute between two tenants on how to split costs.

ETA: and if you’re not ready to see him as your landlord and persist in thinking of him as “controlling,” or you feel like you’re living with your parents, you are clearly not cut out for this arrangement and you should move out.

10

You should move out and ask him to pay you back the closing costs you paid 50% of when he closed on the property.

11

His house. His rules. Move out if you don’t like it.

12

It’s his house, you can take it on his terms or leave it. Either the perks are worth the money, or they’re not. He could charge you $1400 a month to live there and it would not be “unfair.” I live in the basement of a very large house, it’s essentially a separate apartment although it is connected to the house. There are 6-7 people living in the various spaces of this house at various times. I’m pretty sure the rent everyone pays amounts to more than the mortgage payment, but it’s still not unfair because our LL is inconvenienced by having roommates. When you take advanced depreciation and repairs into account, he’s not making a whole lot on the deal (in my case).

13

When you’re renting with someone, it’s reasonable to take the total rent and split it according to room size. When one person owns the home and the others are renters, it is not reasonable to take the amount of mortgage and split it according to who gets which room.

How much his mortgage is has no relevance to whether or not $700 is a good or fair price. Consider this: If he came into a windfall and paid his entire mortgage off tomorrow, the fair price for the room you’re renting would not change.

So, the real question is: Is $700 plus whatever share of utilities a good deal for what you’re getting? Compare it to other rental options you have available. Definitely, you should sit down and have a conversation with your friend and landlord. You don’t have to just “take or leave” his terms. You can negotiate. You both have something to gain here, since he has an interest in not having to rent his room out to some stranger to pay his mortgage. He’ll probably be more willing to move toward what you want to not deal with someone he doesn’t know.

I’d disagree with that. Clearly, renting a room in a house with one other occupant is better than renting a room in a house with two. There’s one fewer person to make noise when you want to sleep, be using the kitchen when you want to cook, or be watching something on TV you don’t like. But that all has to do with how crowded the house is. It does not mean that you get to divide the mortgage by another person to figure out a fair rent. Because a fair rent is not determined by the price of the mortgage.

Really, just sit down with the guy and tell him what you want, that you like living there and want to figure out what the new boundaries are so you can have a few people over from time to time and not feel like you have to ask “mother may I”.

14

baustin, would you mind sending your “roommate” in here? I’d like to talk to him.

Hey, home-owner - you need to kick baustin and his deadbeat girlfriend out and get a proper renter who will understand that you own the house, and they are just renting from you. If I were you, I’d put it all in writing, what the terms of the rental is, what they can and can’t expect, and I’d bump the rent up a little bit and included the utilities in it so you don’t have to hassle about splitting the bills every month.

15

Come on guys, its not charity, this “his house, his rules” reaction is crap.

He is paying rent and has some rights

And I am going to guess that they are still rommates to some extent. They probably share groceries and shit like that too.

On the other hand, I don’t think your landlord is asking for anything unreasonable.

Do you think another landlord would give you a better deal?

16

Well, I think that’s a little harsh seeing as the “roommate” hasn’t put forth much effort into changing the OP’s expectations given their new situation.

17

Not harsh at all; the situation has changed drastically, and a clean slate would be best for everyone involved.

18

I’m not sure I would have agreed that to pay half given that your bedroom is much smaller and doesn’t have an en-suite bathroom. You shouldn’t have used the mortgage to determine a fair rate because there are too many variables. For instance, if he put 10% down and has a 30 year mortgage, the monthly payment would be quite different than if he put 20% down and is paying over 15 years. Plus, he gets to write off 100% of the interest on his taxes, and at the end of the day, he gets to keep 100% of the equity in the house.

However, it sounds like you agreed that $700 is fair, so it’s a little late to negotiate that.

I wouldn’t fight about his notion that it’s his house and he can decorate it as he pleases, with the exception of your bedroom. I think you should be able to do with that as you please.

As far as utilities go, it seems fair on the face of it to charge each roommate 1/3. But since his girlfriend is essentially a 4th roommate, it would be fairer to split it in half. After all, she’s bathing, watching tv, using your wifi, and and enjoying the heat and air conditioning. It doesn’t matter if she’s on the lease or not; if she’s there a vast majority of the time, she should pony up her portion of the utilities.

You are a paid tenant, and he has no right to tell you that you cannot have people over to your own house. You need to get this straightened out immediately because he sounds like he’s being a bit of a jerk about it. He cannot take your money and treat you like a tenant on one hand, then try to act as if you’re a guest in his home when it suits him.

If he balks, then threaten to move out. I have a feeling if he fears that half of his mortgage payment is going to bail on him, that he’ll start to act more reasonably.

19

Once again, the owner’s girlfriend has no bearing on what is “fair”. They are not roommates. He is the owner, the OP and his GF are tenants. If they don’t think the utility split is reasonable they can request, but not demand it be changed. At the same time they are welcome to move out if they don’t like the arrangements.

Renting a room or rooms in a house is a different matter from renting a house or apartment. The “common” areas belong to the owner and he absolutely has the right to not allow parties in them.

Frankly, this whole arrangement seems very poorly thought out, and it would probably be better for everyone if the OP found another place. I can easily see the owner getting into tax trouble over the rent payments if the arrangements are as loose as it seems.

20

Spoken like someone who isn’t a landlord.

Bottom line is the roommate owns the house. Everyone else is a tenant and if they don’t like it they can move out. The OP doesn’t get to set “ground rules” because he doesn’t OWN the place.

really the only leverage the OP and his GF have is that the landlord likes living with them more than he would like living with a couple of randoms. Because who doesn’t like living with some guy and his girlfriend?