I guess it depends on their initial interaction at the time of the traffic stop. If it was nothing more than “License and registration please…here’s your ticket, have a nice day” then it is definitely NOT an overreaction.
If there was chitchat, and discussion of their favourite sports team, or perhaps talking about the music in her car or something else that you might call an actual conversation then it MIGHT NOT BE an overreaction, though it’s still inappropriate.
One thing’s for sure – he sucks at negging.
It does kind of suck that if you’re a cop who pulls over your dream date, you have no good options. You can’t ask them out right then, because there’s an element of coercion if you say you’re not going to give them a ticket, and if you DO give them a ticket, it hardly puts you in their good graces, plus there’s still an element of coercion when you’re talking to someone who you have in quasi-custody. It would just be creepy to ask someone out when they’re legally prevented from leaving.
If the guy was smarter, he could have looked up her info, then tried to organize an “accidental” meeting. Then on their 20th wedding anniversary, maybe he could reveal how it really happened. It would still be misuse of police powers and creepy if you knew what he did, but at least it wouldn’t have been a complete losing proposition from the get-go: “Hi, I’m an armed stranger with the ability to arrest you, and I misused my power to find out where you live and come down here - would you like to go to dinner?”
Well said, Unauthorized Cinnamon.
Cute at first blush but creepy the more I think about it. I’m not sure if I agree with suing the cop but I can understand the impulse if she wasn’t getting traction with other complaints.
Or she could sue him, which given the circumstances is obviously entirely appropriate. What a creep.
[QUOTE=Earthworm Jim]
I’m so sick of this “OMG - A MALE TALKED TO A FEMALE!!! STALKER!!!” meme.
That is all.
[/QUOTE]
If you can’t tell the difference between talking to someone and doing this, I don’t know what to say.
Is her address on her DL? Don’t they write that down when they give you a ticket? I don’t think he would have had to look it up.
You know what you do then? You date from the pool of women who you don’t pull over. Pretty fucking simple, really.
I teach college students. I have had, over the years, some pretty hot women in my classes. I could even, if i wanted, find out the addresses of these women through my university’s records system. But these women–even leaving aside our age differences–are not in my dating pool, for good professional reasons. It would be inappropriate for me to hit on someone who was in one of my classes, and it would also be inappropriate for me to accept if one of my students asked me out.
It may surprise you to know this, but there are millions of women in the world who do not take my classes, and there are millions of women in the world who do not get pulled over by Officer Hornbag.
Missed edit window:
The cop in the story is an idiot, and should be reprimanded, at a minimum.
He’s not as bad, though, as this cop from San Diego:
Or Craig Peyer, the CHP officer who murdered women he pulled over. Still an abuse of power.
I’ve had someone look up my phone number to call me and ask me out. I thought it was socially gauche, but I don’t see how the heck I was in any way damaged, and thus I see no way I could have ever sued her.
Now if this lady had told the cop no, and then he kept on contacting her, I’d get it. And I’d love to hear legal opinions on whether she could win on something like this.
I also don’t see how a cop who has given you a ticket is in anyway similar to a teacher dating a student. The latter involves an ongoing relationship, with a power dynamic that can cause a lot of problems. The former involves people who will very likely never see each other again, and the cop ceases having power over her after the stop is completed.
Oh, and I still have a hard time calling something with a single incident “stalking.” There is no way I’d say that girl up there was stalking me. And not only because her advances weren’t unwelcome.
Way to miss the point.
When he looks up her details using his police authority, and then proceeds to use information that he only possesses due to his position of authority, then he has abused that authority.
And it’s hilarious that you would describe the cop/ticket situation as one involving “people who will very likely never see each other again.” The precise purpose of the cop’s actions, in the very case that we are discussing, is to ensure that they WILL see each other again. And the reason for this is the fact that the cop pulled her over in the course of his official duties, and used his police power to get her personal information.
Is this the worst violation a police officer could commit in the course of his duties? Not by a long shot. But it’s still inappropriate.
It’s still really, really inappropriate to use his work resources to send her a note.
Actually I’d have been much less icked out if he’d given her a call or even dropped a note in the mail. Still inappropriate, but less so. But from what i see, he tracked her down to her house and left a note on her car? Not cool. When you start dating someone do you immediately tell them where you live, where your house is, and where you park? I mean, before even your first date!
Is the “you” in that last paragraph me? If so, don’t take me wrong - I’m not in any way endorsing what this guy did, or even the alternative “savvy stalker” option I brought up. I agree that the only real answer is, “Tough luck, you just can’t date people you pull over.”
Some of the responses to this, combined with Elevatorgate, have made me uncomfortably aware that a certain subset of the male population thinks that they need the right to corner women in possibly threatening ways in order to get dates. And that any woman who doesn’t want to be buttonholed in an elevator late at night or tracked down by the cop who pulled her over is ANTI-SEX AND WANTS MEN TO NEVER TALK TO WOMEN!!!
I had no idea it was such a thin line between ‘meet cute’ and ‘lawsuit’.
Stickney has just over 6000 people. The chances of him stopping her in the future is fairly high. How many officers does a village of 6000 have? Not many, I’d suspect.
I’m speaking more about the claims of the plaintiff.
In my opinion what he did was wrong but in no way lawsuit worthy.
One of my sisters had a creepy stalker for about 2 years so I have some experience in stalkers. This guy isn’t one.
I agree that, at the very least, the first step in a case like this should be to report the cop to his superiors.
If they blow you off, or otherwise fail to take action, then maybe a lawsuit might be a way to get their attention, but this should be a department disciplinary issue rather than a lawsuit.
You’re probably right, though I’d argue that you don’t actually know that. Your sister’s stalker experiences don’t necessarily reflect all stalker experiences.
This was the first action the man took. How many inappropriate actions does it take before someone becomes a stalker? If you can stop a stalker after one “stalkerish” act, that’s a good thing. I’d rather have a response to this than wait and see what kind of creepiness the person might do next, you know?
First, I really would like to think that the woman took the ticket to court, handed the note to the judge and said “I’m not paying this ticket”.
Second, if the cop thinks that he owes this woman dinner because he gave her a ticket, then perhaps part of the discipline should be for him to buy dinner for everyone he ever gave a ticket to. Without him present, of course.