…either via email and/or a friend request on FB, looking for any information you may have about your branch of the family for his/her genealogy research. They have a decent amount of information about you and your next of kin, but there’s a good chance that they actually are related to you. What do you do?
Reply adding my cousin Esperanza. E, cousin; cousin, E. That’s assuming he’s from the side of the family for which E’s father is the official Keeper of the Family Tree.
If he’s from the other side, I hope he’s not doing it on the basis of my mother’s first lastname: it’s one of the 10 most common lastnames in Spain. Pleasedtameetcha.
My mother’s second lastname is extremely uncommon. It’s Italian in origin but rare as hen’s teeth in any country; in fact, the one Italian by that lastname which I find appears to be a returned-from-Spain second-cousin of mine. One time during a bus strike a lady who was going to the same area I was offered to share a cab; she told me her name and I exclaimed “oh, you’re related to my grandmother! She’s one of Carlos’ daughters.” Yes, the lady in question was my grandmother’s first cousin. But that’s for a lastname which has maybe a dozen people in the whole world.
My paternal name, not much more common. There are two Keepers of the Family Tree because there are two branches which separated in the 17th century (one of my forefathers managed to have two married-with-children sons! Hooray!). Back in the '90s, my grandmother had two listings in the phone book: one under her own name and one as “widow of”. When she got contacted by an American grand-niece whose honeymoon consisted of “going back to the ancestral country and meeting relatives”, she said “see, that’s why I have the widow-of listing!” That visitor’s parents were living in Miami - and so was I! Move thousands of kilometers apart, across a freaking ocean, and end up a twenty-five minute drive from your relatives, oh yeah.
This has happened to me a couple times, since I put up a query a million years ago on one of the genealogy boards and I still have the same email address. The people were legit.
Exchange information, redacting dates (of birth, marriage, etc) of living individuals from what I send to them. This is largely how I compiled my tree in the early days. These days I’m more careful to note the source of information obtained this way as not a primary source so I know to look for other sources to verify accuracy.
This actually happened to me, but the person didn’t want genealogical information. You need a little background on my family: on my father’s side, several people came over from England between about 1890 and 1914. They were Jews, but they didn’t come in steerage, like the Eastern European Jews who came escaping pogroms; they came in second class, speaking the Queen’s (or King’s, as the case was) English. Most of them stayed in New York and integrated into the Jewish community in spite of the fact that it was mostly Yiddish-speaking-- they aspired to speak perfect English, and liked having exemplars who were sympathetic.
However, a few people in the family quietly moved upstate, or to Connecticut, and started going to the Episcopal church. They made spelling changes to their last name to make it less Jewish.
So, I got contacted by a cousin who wanted to rediscover her Judaism. She needed to confirm some information for a beit din, in order to demonstrate that she didn’t need to convert, but she also wanted to reconnect with family who were still Jewish to have people to celebrate holidays with, and to learn about Judaism from.
I had her over for Shabbes dinner a few times, back when I was a lot more observant, and she came to seder at my grandmother’s, with some of my cousins, and my mother.
Since I left New York again, I’ve seen her only a couple of times, but she still stays in closer touch with people still in New York, and I’ve seen her at a wedding, a bar mitzvah, and I think and upsherin. She’s a Facebook friend, and I email her once in a while. We exchange pictures of our kids. She’s still a pretty observant Jew, and married someone from the synagogue she joined.
I don’t proselytize for Judaism, but I’m always very happy to help Jews who weren’t fortunate enough to be raised in Jewish homes to discover Judaism, and I don’t encourage people to convert, but if someone has made the decision on their own, I like to be as encouraging and welcoming as possible. This was a chance to do it for someone I had history with, even if we’d never met before. It was kind of exciting.
I have a cousin who’s really into genealogy. I’d give him her email.
My parents were both only children, so I have no aunts or uncles. I’d ignore the contact.
happened to me; but it was through activity on ancestry.com.
5th cousin contacted me, wound up with a couple of emails, then driving to see her, spending the night at her house then driving all over the county looking at old family sites and markers.
My family’s pretty tiny by most people’s standards, so I’d send an email out to everybody asking if it was okay to provide the info as to their names, relations & whereabouts. Seriously, it’s like 12 people. We have actually been referenced on other people’s genealogical sites, as various of our many-great aunts & uncles were more prolific than our line. Aside from those genealogists, we haven’t had any contact with anybody that far out in years, so I don’t consider them part of the family, so, distant cousins.
I had someone from Croatia contact me via Facebook once about my last name. I told her what I knew without having to dig into records for exact dates and stuff, including the fact that my surname had been tweaked over the years so we may or may not actually be related (plus her family is Croatian, whereas mine is originally Polish/Bohemian).
She thanked me for my information (still don’t know if we’re related) and still has me as a FB friend though most of her posts are in Croatian so I’ve no idea what she’s talking about. I’m on FB infrequently enough that that it’s more of a pleasant novelty than an inconvenience to have her posts in my feed.
That’s been happening in my family a lot lately. My dad or other family members have long lost cousins contacting him, usually starting off with stories that make it pretty clear they are who they say they are. He forwards them (and lets long-lost cousin know) to his brother that’s been into the genealogy/ancestry.com thing.
A combination of ancestry.com and facebook seems to be making this more and more common. Plus, I suppose, the fact that our last name isn’t very common, so if any of your relatives have our name, we’re pretty easy to track down.
Instantly report them to the authorities.
My mother was a genealogist. I know every relative out to about 3rd cousins for quite a few generations. If I don’t know who the person contacting me is, then they are likely a fake or mistaken. In any case, they get zero information from me.
‘Sorry, mate, the fact you found me means you already know way more about our family tree than me.’
If it were my mother’s side, I’d see if I couldn’t find contact info for the other (second) cousin who was doing a family tree…assuming it wasn’t him to begin with.
For my father’s side (or either of my grandmothers’ families), I’d just laugh at the idea that I could help. To myself, not to them.
I’ve participated several times over the years with genealogical efforts made by various distant family members. Both my maternal grandparents’ families have long histories in America, being well-established long before the Revolutionary War. Each time I’ve been approached, it’s been by a family member I didn’t know, but in each case they provided bona fides along with the first contact, so I didn’t hesitate to provide the information they were requesting.
My paternal grandparents were 20th century immigrants, so I know every family member that exists on this side of the family and would instantly recognize if a stranger was looking for information. In that case, I’d simply allow the inquiry to go unanswered.
Were all four of your grandparents only children, as well? Because your dad’s cousin is also your cousin (I believe first cousin, once removed, is the technical term). A relation of that type would seem more in the spirit of the OP, anyway: like, I’m not really close to any of my first cousins (too large an age differential on my mother’s side, too many hard feelings on my father’s side), but I still wouldn’t describe any of them as ‘distant’ cousins.
I picked share, but, depending on the side of the family, there are also two people I could refer them to. Possibly.
If they’re looking for ancestor information, I can refer them to Ancestry.com. Ancestry doesn’t show the information for people who are still alive, though. Depending on circumstances, I might give less information on living folks.
I chose a), but in my capacity as the person who knows the most about family history in my extended family network, I suppose b) would apply too.
“Yes, let me put you in touch with Ulf, who is the true expert. His email, oddly enough, is the same as mine”
I refer him/her to my Dad. He is the family genealogist.
I have virtually no interest in having contact with my extended family. It’s a long story, but they’re so screwed up on both sides that I regret every encounter. Some examples include my grandparents stealing my mother’s valuables after she died, finding an uncle (my mother’s brother) on FaceBook years after I was told he committed suicide, an aunt (my mother’s sister) getting a restraining order against her parents, accusations that my uncle (my father’s brother) molested my father… I could go on.
So… I might be polite enough to refer them to a family member who does care. My aunt is not half bad (she’s the one who got the restraining order), and I know she and my wife stay in touch about genealogy stuff.
Besides general avoidance of my family, I have less than zero interest in genealogy. It’s kind of interesting as a history lesson, but I’d be equally interested in your family’s history as my own family’s. None of them have any relevance to me.
I’ve done this. My branch of the family is famously uninterested in this kind of thing, so the cousin who contacted me (at a funeral) was related by marriage. I gave information and he sent what he had, which was interesting.