A few people we fucking hate, personally.

The BBQ Pit
1

No Bush. No dude-that-raped-my-sister-but-I-never-met-him (though I do fucking hate that guy). No Dopers you haven’t shooked hands with. For the love of the sweet Virgin Mary, no bad drivers. This is miniPits of a personal nature. You have to have looked in the Pitee’s face to qualify.

Number One. Scott. You smarmy little toadsucker, you systematically lined up teenage boys and fucked around with their heads (and bodies) for fun. You were such a powerless piece of shit you had to turn to kids to feel big, and when I heard you got suckerpunched in a parking lot a couple years ago by a mystery assailant, I just wished he’d aimed lower.

Number Two. Dead Guy. I guess you sure showed us, huh?

Number Three. Melissa. If he was too drunk to drive you home (after one drink in four hours at the club), why wasn’t he too drunk to drive himself home? All right, fine, you have the right not to ride, but why’d you have to call my brother and flap your head about it at two in the morning? Why didn’t you say something when you were standing there next to him while he ordered the one drink (early on in the four hours), especially since he was only there because your sorry ass needed a ride?

Number Four. Abe. The first time we met, you refused to shake my hand for no reason. No. The first time we met, I made some stupid joke and you were all “Fuck you, buddy”. Then two years later you wouldn’t shake my hand, but it wasn’t because you remembered. It was because you were a melodramatic prick who had to slap it around, especially in front of her, and the next few hours bore that out. When you left me homeless to move in with her instead of me, that was all right, but did you have to get her hooked on heroin, you shitheaded cockfacer?

You get the idea.

2

Hello, Dr. Mitch, you incompetent bastard. Thanks to your bungling, our district is close to the first teacher strike in its history. Add to the list Asst. Sup. Lucia, who has so bungled textbook adoption that I will still be using a Governemt textbook that was written during the first Clinton Administration well into the next century. Thank you both so very fucking much for making my job such an easy one.

3

My upstairs neighbors: Get a fucking job, you worthless pieces of shit. Stop staying up until 2 am banging around up there like it’s daytime, go get a job yourself, and have some respect for decent people that have to work to support their family instead of relying on the state. May you get evicted and have to go to live at the Salvation Army and sleep on plastic mattresses. Forever.

Princess at work: To quote (I think it was giraffe) one of the funniest things I’ve ever read on these boards: You suck. If you don’t think to yourself several times a day, “Man, I really suck”, then you should. Because you do. You are a narcissistic, spoiled, attention-whoring, hateful, spiteful, two-faced, immature little bitch. I would pay big money for the chance to punch you in the face. The day one of us leaves this company is the day I will do the happiest of all the happy dances, to be away from you.

4

To Curt, the new HR manager, who ignored me for eight months and then decided that nothing I’d been doing for the past 12 years was right. You gave me two weeks to improve, and you called it “coaching”. After I quit, you were promoted past your level of competence and started getting the kind of shit that you’d been handing out. You finally begged a recruiter to get you your job back at your former company. You left a fucked up mess behind you, after hiring six people (including your girlfriend) to do the work that three used to do.

Damn. It’s been nearly five years and that asshole can still get me worked up. I need to let it go.

5

Jessie*: How dare you run off and abandon my sister in a new city, when the main reason she finally decided to get over her fears and move there was because you were going with her? Leaving her with a bigger place than she could afford alone, because, well, she thought you’d be living there and paying some, not off with your new internet loverboy-oh-wow-it’s-true-love and disappearing off the face of the planet. You’ve been friends since you’re both 6 years old, and you can do this to her without guilt dissolving your liver? If I see you again, I will Red Foreman you and put a foot up your ass.

Dick*: Thanks so much for those two years worth of telling me I wasn’t good enough for you. Good enough for the sex, though, just not good enough to show off as your girlfriend. I can’t believe I was ever that stupid, but hindsight really does paint you as the biggest jackass ever. Telling me that I was fantastic and wonderful and smart but not pretty enough and gee isn’t it too bad the world’s so superficial and is so good to the beautiful people, making it impossible for you to have a real future with me because you insist on finding a gorgeous woman to make babies with someday so they’ll have a fighting chance in this beautiful world. Gah! Newsflash: ain’t no Eva Longoria type who’s going to offer you some crotch access. You’re five-foot-five and have horrible hair and the sperm-donation place wouldn’t take your spooge! Too bad, that was probably the only career you were really qualified for.

Kate*: You’re a whore. Really. Why are men so horrible to you? Um, you cheat on them. A lot. You sleep with ex-boyfriends if you meet them at the bar and you’re bored. Oh, and you flunked out of school, twice, because you spend too much time whoring it up and drinking your brain to oblivion, *not *because the teachers are conspiring against you. I’m not listening to your soap opera anymore, ok? You’re bloody exhausting and frankly, it’s too sad to be entertaining anymore, because it’s now obvious that no advice will ever do you any good.

*names changed to protect the fuckwitted.

6

To a certain person: You’re tedious and two-faced, you make our meetings boring, and your little jumping-up-and-down-screaming fit you pulled in front of the entire group was something I’d expect from a child of six, not from a person in a responsible position.

7

To Jay: you’ve spent the last 2 months saying you’d do whatever necessary so we wouldn’t have to eliminate our section and lay off three people – all of whom have worked here for over 25 years. Now you announce, without any warning, that you want to close the section and the sooner the better in order to stop the “gloomy” people who are worried about losing their jobs from affecting the rest of the employees. What the fuck???!! You are a fucking fuckity fuckwit of the highest magnitude. Fuck you, you fucking cyborg.

8

To my co worker “Joe”. I don’t care if you HAVE been working there since three years before hyroglyphics were invented. I don’t care if you don’t like me, but we share a caseload and we have to communicate. Tell me if the patients are sick, I need to be able to do my job and take care of them. Pass on messages. We don’t have to be friends but we are both there for the patients…correct?

To My babysitter’s Mother. Your daughter is 14. I don’t expect her to be 100% reliable and mature at all times. But if we make a plan that she will watch my child on Thursday evenings for the next four months… I am expecting that unless some emergency occurs, or she is ill, she will do that. You agreed to the plan. She is home before 930 every week when she does this. But now you decide on Thursday morning that she “is grounded and can’t babysit”? Do you have any clue what that does to me? What happens when she gets a job at McDonalds, are you going to phone her boss and cancell her shifts for her, because she was “mouthing off to you?”
Grrr.

9

To the woman with whom I was talking about weight loss. Who condescendingly remarked that it’s not something I have to worry about.

Yes, I am in good shape. I am not overweight. Do you know why? I spend an hour a night in the gym 4X a week. I watch what I eat.

I hate this kind of attitude that makes Subway’s Jared a celebrity. Look! he lost all this weight! I didn’t fucking gain the weight to begin with. It is not some kind of miracle that I’m in shape. It is something I work at every day.

[sub]yeah, it’s kind of lame - but it pisses me off[/sub]

10

To the management at the store I worked at for a year: Fuck you all, for what you did or didn’t do if not for personality (some of you seemed like okay people). You lied to me. Repeatedly. You told me you’d move me to a different part of the store. You even went so far as to send me for another drug test, which had to cost the store money, so I could work in the pharmacy. But you never even bothered to train me for it even after I asked and asked and asked when it was going to happen! And then the newest manager came along and wrote me up for not doing three people’s jobs (after I turned in a doctor’s note concerning some physical limitations I have, one lawyer acquaintance said I should have sued them) and I said fuck this and left. You really screwed up. I was good at what I was doing and could have done better, though I certainly didn’t want a career with your soul-sucking company.

To the parents of my first ex-serious-boyfriend/fiance: I hate you. I hate you for what you did to your son. You fucked him up so badly that when he was 42 you had the nerve to tell him you disapproved of me and wouldn’t come to the wedding…he dumped me! In the long run, it was a good thing, because you people are so incredibly fucked up that it’d never have lasted, but that doesn’t make you any less horrible.

11

Selina. I am so unbefuckinglieveably sick of your willfull ignorance I could scream. I thought I made it clear when you tried to convince me that “those people” (homosexuals) should not only not be allowed to get married legally, but should all be put in jail, “since they like that kind of sex” that I do not share your bullshit opinions on anything.

Apparently, “I am trying to read the paper and wasn’t listening” as a response to your “what do you think, Litoris?” when going on and on about how all Muslims are evil and should just be killed if they refuse to convert to xtianity was a little too subtle for you. Let me phrase it in a way that your simple mind might possibly someday begin to attempt to understand: Shut the fuck up, you goddam fuckwit. Your hate-mongering ignorance is beneath me – many of my friends are homosexuals, Muslims, Pagans and of other races than white. I could not give less of a shit what your preacher told you about how Muslims worship Satan and not your god. Stop talking to me, and stop assuming that when I do not respond to you it is because I am deaf and an invitation to speak even more loudly. Fucking die already, please and thank you.

Seriously. I even do not want to say I actually hate this person because it is too close to actually caring about her existence.

**before anyone asks, she and I have the same scheduled lunch time. We have 1 breakroom, and are not allowed to lunch at our desks or I would avoid her altogether. The first thing I do when I sit down in there is find a seat facing away from her and put a newspaper in front of my face and ignore her, it doesn’t help.

12

To my brother: Fuck you. Fuck you for beating me when I was eleven years old and you were a nineteen-year-old drill sergeant. The army discharged you when our father died because you were the oldest brother, and you brought that boot camp shit home with you. Not just to me, but to our mother as well. I remember you beating her with a hair brush when she wanted to wash the dishes herself instead of making me wash them like you wanted her to. Fuck you for making me get up at four in the morning to have the house ready for your white glove inspection at six. Fuck you for thinking you were making a man out of me by making me put on a dress and work on my bike in the front yard. Fuck you for living when my good brother died. Just fuck you.

13

Names mostly changed.

Meg: Out of all the crap you pulled, the one that just takes the cake is lying to your fiance-at-the-time/my old friend, telling him I said he was such a big ol’ man slut that he would never be faithful. No, I knew YOU were a big ol’ girl slut, but I never said anything because it’s none of my damn business. You’ve pulled a lot of lying crap, but that one just takes the cake. But you do it with such a straight face and a “why is everyone being so mean to little me” that everyone pities you and believes you. Fuck you, and fuck your apologists.

Rachel: You found a girl who had no friends, who was new in town, who just wanted another kid to play with. You ended up dominating her personality and abusing her emotionally as well as sexually, to the point that even now she has trust issues and sexual hangups. I suspect your brother did the same to you, but I can’t even find sympathy for you for that. I knew you for nine months and you’ve fucked with my psyche for fifteen years. There is no forgiveness for you.

Colin: You broke through my boundaries of trust, even though it took you years of friendship. You were my first. But you insisted on moving in, and while I was anxious about trying that so soon after we’d started dating, I figured we were meant to be. Six months after we moved in you decided you didn’t want me anymore, but you didn’t have the balls to tell me for another five months and, even though you’d already decided then, gave me the hope there was some chance to stay together. You dropped the bombshell on me the Sunday before Christmas, while I was wrapping your gifts, after I’d already signed the lease for another six months.

You’ve decided you’re gay, and I suppose it’s your life, but God help you if I was your test case. You didn’t even have the balls to tell me about your affair with a married man – no, I had to find out when our mutual friend died suddenly and I sat there watching you snuggled with him. Fuck you for making me worry that I’m a homophobe… no, I don’t hate gay people, I just think of all the men in the world, I can’t believe you were enough of a fool to choose him. You’ve left logic behind along with your kind nature, and what maturity you once had seems to have rotted off the vine. We’re still friends and I suppose I don’t truly hate you, but I don’t really care anymore what you do with your life. You’ve gone from the person I loved more than anyone else to a piece of theatre.

Lewis: And fuck you for starting a relationship with him. You were MARRIED, and I don’t give a shit if you were in a polygamous relationship. I’m not really up on my open-relationship understanding, but I highly doubt that you should be screwing around on your wife with both her knowledge and loud disapproval. So you leave her for Colin, but you and I both know you don’t intend to stay forever. Just until you get bored. You and your manipulations have turned a kind and thoughtful fellow into nothing but your little fucktoy, and you’re going to destroy him when you leave. Not if. When.

14

Complete Waste of Carbon: Fuck you. Seriously, dude, fuck you. After all these years, it’s never over, is it. I’m still working on all the fucking aftermath, and still dealing with legal shit. Now we get to worry about you being released. It won’t happen for a while, but eventually, it likely will. Then you’ll probably do this to someone else. She’ll probably die - won’t be as “lucky” (!) as I was. Then maybe they’ll throw away the key. Or maybe you’ll have the decency to off yourself. Fucker.

PK: Because of CWC above, you came after me when you realised you were going to end up screwed. Well, not you personally. It was all business, really. A drop in the bucket, for you. But you wanted blood, somehow, and so it landed on my lap. Seriously, dude, it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone. Totally barking up the wrong tree. But you’re pondscum… and so you pushed until we all caved just to get you away. Just because the damage you were causing was getting too great. And now I’m stuck with you, in this way, for the rest your days - or at least a while still. Thanks, shitface. Thanks for that. I hope you die a miserable death. I really do. You deserve it for being a misery vampire. You deserve it for what you did.

I hate these two motherfuckers. I hate them more than I can say.

snarl

15

To my coworker “Pat”: Knock off the martyr crap. Now. I mean it. You keep bitching about how you should have gotten my job, because I’m single and you have a family to support? Tell your lazy-ass husband to get a job. What’s that? He’s working on his Ph.D.? I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, babe: Most people don’t take 14+ years to get a Ph.D. Of course, most people don’t have a spouse gullible enough to believe that spending 15 minutes a month in the library counts as “research.” Maybe if you’d stop eating out every night and cut out the quarterly vacations to Disneyworld you wouldn’t be constantly whining about how you need a bigger salary because it’s so expensive to come to work every day.

And while we’re on the subject, stop trying to weasel your way into my job. Our boss happens to like my work, and she knows exactly what you’re up to. Back. Off.

16

:eek: Jesus, Liberal. Just… :frowning: hugs you What a fucking bastard. I’m sorry you had to go through that… so sorry…

17

Thank you. This journey called life has been a wild ride sometimes. I’ve been wanting to get that one off my chest for a while. :slight_smile:

18

Scott: You’re a worthless piece of shit. You’re a fucking selfish bastard and I will never forgive you. You were my Aunt’s boy-toy for seven years, and I never showed you anything but absolute respect despite the fact my IQ was about 30 points higher than yours and you listened to fucking Pantera. Yet despite this you never hesitated to treat me like a fucking liability who was commanding the attention of “your woman” (who never fucking loved you anyways.)

Why the FUCK my Aunt decided it was okay for you to be sitting around while, at the age of 17, I sobbingly confessed to my own goddamn mother that her husband had molested me for five years is beyond my ability to comprehend. Nevertheless, you sat there while I wept uncontrollably and answered all my Mom’s invasive questions which she never believed the answers to anyways, you sat there and fucking watched. And then you said, “That’s some heavy shit, man.”

The next day you were super nice to me and gave me a hug, and I was so surprised by your good humor I told my Aunt, “Holy shit, Scott actually gave me a hug today!”

You fucking COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! You gave her a fucking ULTIMATUM and told her you never wanted to be alone with me again in case I started accusing you of doing shit to me. You told her if she didn’t throw a fucking 17-year-old HOMELESS fully employed straight-A high school student out of her house, you were going to leave her because the inconvenience was just too great for you.

Fuck you. You know, I can handle, “It’s all your fault” from my crazy fucking grandmother but that shit came out of nowhere and you were right fucking THERE, witnessing one of the most humiliating and painful moments of my entire goddamn life, you were right fucking THERE. Nothing anyone else ever did or ever said can compare to what you did and said. You just had to really make it clear that I was a lying whore, as if the message wasn’t coming through strong enough from every other goddamn person who existed. Nobody ever humiliated me the way you did.

God you fucking waste. I’m told you’re still driving around my old 1983 Delta '88 Olds, which I gave you for free even after all your bullshit. I hope it still can’t go in reverse, and I hope it still stalls on left turns. :mad:

19

Name changed to protect the jerkfaced:

Mike: Yeah, you’re so damn smart, aren’t you? You started dating my best friend, knowing I had a huge crush on her, and then encouraged her to lie to me so I didn’t know you were going out for like six months. Oh, you ‘didn’t think I would take it well’? Well, no shit, asswipe, but sometimes you’ve got to man up and just tell things as they are. It’s not like I’d never find out, you condescending piece of dirty TP.
And now, after you dragged her out of school, knocked her up and married her, and kidnapped her across the country away from everyone she knew…you divorced her, because she wasn’t willing to take your shit all day anymore and be your stupid housewife forever. She had dreams, a-hole. You knew that, and you tried to take them away from her, and surprise, it didn’t work. I hope you die alone and get eaten by your stupid cat, you lame-o.

20

YCJUSD, huh? Sorry to hear it.