I think you’ve missed the point of the poem.
The poem is flawed in a great many ways. You can touch an elephant. You can actually find physical evidence that an elephant exists, even if you are blind. We may be “blind” to the existence of god but we have exactly 0 amount of physical evidence to examine.
Bobby bob bob…
If an Atheist says “christianity is bunk” , then thats a fair comment.
If an Atheist says “christianity is bunk - theyre just making stuff up that isnt even in the bible”, then that atheist is an idiot.
Wrong. First off, the OP asks what Christians believe, not what they should believe according to how you interpret the Bible. Second, you don’t get to define “Christian” or “Christianity”.
Christians don’t have to square anything. Some believe this, some believe that, they each believe the other is wrong, and anything they can’t explain about their own brand of faith is a “mystery”.
There is only one way to interpret the bible. To look at what is printed there. It is an absurd notion to claim otherwise. The bible is divine authority. That means there is only one version and you can only accept what is printed.
If, however, you claim that the bible is - not - divine authority then it no longer has any relevance, according to gods instruction(s) for us humans. It is just a book(s) like any other book.
Who says?
It is either gods divine decree or it is not. There is no third option here.
Which third option do you propose???
That wasn’t sarcasm or evasion-that was a direct question. Who says that a Christian is someone who has to take the Bible the way you describe it? Where did you get the idea that there was only one way to interpret the Bible? If this is true, would you mind telling us what religion comes closest to following this edict of yours?
Ok, do just that, show biblical support for it, by using scripture, and not just your opinion. Wouldn’t surprise me if you could find some, the bible says a lot of things, with many authors, having many different opposing views.
Well, besides the streets of gold, there will be mansions there. And harp music. But yeppers, it does seem strange that so little was written about it. Eternity is a long time, I would like to know as much as possible about it if I was going there. I’ve been told, I have nothing to worry about. 
I heard one Christian also tell me that they wouldn’t have their genitals either, and cited Matthew for that.
Is gold a valuable commodity in heaven? Is it something one would want to walk on?
Right!!!
with many authors, having many different opposing views
So you admit it is a book(s) written by man and not written by god?
Where do they go? Are they stored somewhere?
No, this is simply lazy thinking on your part.
Either demonstrate how Divine Authority can have more than one accounting of the Truth or simply bow out and admit that I am right.
I’m sorry, but I don’t have to do either, because " demonstrating how Divine Authority can have more than one accounting of the Truth" has nothing to do with what defines a Christian. You have given your strict parameters of what a Christian has to be, and I am not accepting those strict parameters as to be commonly held by most of the world’s self-defined Christians.
But Divine Sanction does not allow for self definition. It only allows for one account.
What you say reminds me of a similar podcast on the subject a few years ago. I think “Mr. Deity and the After Party” nails it.
Really?? Why don’t you go Google “Devine Sanction” and tell us if there is any consensus about the supposed “one account”.
Bringing it back to the OP (I think this tangent isn’t really helpful), I believe that many posters have indicated there are many, many ways that Christian denominations believe in Scripture. Especially there have been given a lot of potential answers for Question #1 (I personally believe in some sort of spiritual heaven which is a wait for the Final Judgement when the new Heavens and the new Earth are formed, as per Revelation ch. 20-21, and people will have perfected bodies and live with God forever, etc, etc).
For #2, it’s also varied, but while I’ve seen the “all good people go to heaven” argument back and forth, I think that no one has yet mentioned universalism, which has been a historic (though highly minority) Christian position; and one that is currently growing, especially in mainline Protestantism (and even Evangelicalism - Rob Bell’s book for instance). Good or bad, one is attains life in the age to come (the new Heavens and new Earth time). The question is why should one be a Christian then was answered a bit all the way back in post #2 by Thudlow Boink - specifically, to me, that one lives with the freedom that comes from the acceptance and embrace of the truth of God’s love.
All, IMO, of course.