A field guide to Walmartians

I just learned about this word and an image search reveals a queasily fascinating menagerie- rather like when one studies internal parasites in Biology class for the first time. A tentative classification guide goes as follows:[ul]
[li]The Hooker (professional or amateur). Stops by Walmart in her clubwear on her way to or from work. The most decorative of the Walmart denizens.[/li][li]The Obese Hooker. Forty or more pounds too heavy for the leggings, shorts and tops they squeeze into.[/li][li]The Buttcracker. No problem if the pants or leggings won’t come up all the way; even at Walmart it’s hard to find stuff in their size.[/li][li]The Buttflapper. Beyond the Buttcracker. Lets it all hang out.[/li][li]The Clown. Tie-dyed shirt and pants, polka dots with stripes, day-glo plaid, and other ensembles too varied to describe.[/li][li]The Paravestite. Outside the annual Gay Pride Parade swarming season, these otherwise rare specimens can be found here.[/li][li]Parental Misguidants. Graduates of the Homer Simpson School of Child Rearing.[/li][li]The Defecatives. Oops, gotta go. Why the hell are the restrooms way in the back?[/li][/ul]Any other entries to add?

Nothing to add but in every Walmart I have been in the restrooms are in the front. The only store I can think of with them in the back is Home Depot. (What does it say about me that I know where the restrooms are in every store in town? Sigh.)

Every walmart I’ve been to, (and definitely the 6 within 30 minutes of my house), has bathrooms in both the front and in the back :). One even has two different sets of bathrooms in the back in addition to the ones in the front.

Parents have to be separated into parents that parent too much (smack their kids, yell at their kids, argue with their kids) and parents that parent too little (pretend the kids aren’t there as the tykes run amok and bump into everyone, especially in the checkout line).

It isn’t a Walmart if the first sound you hear isn’t a screeching child.

Hey, a “let’s make fun of Wal-Mart shoppers” thread - that’s original.

Yeah, as we all continue to shop at Walmart and take advantage of the low prices while bitching about the service and the customers.

I was there last weekend, and will be back next weekend.

Your post is bizarrely arrogant.

Don’t take it too personally; I’m sure you look very nice when you go there. :slight_smile:

Well, yeah - how else would I know all about them to make fun of them. :stuck_out_tongue:

There are funny-looking people all over the place. You probably notice them more in Walmart because a large number of people shop there, and probably from a larger geographical area than smaller stores.

But it takes a certain amount of blindsidedness to not realize that they are also laughing at how *you *are dressed. Polo shirt and chinos? The '80s called, they want you to return their Preppy look.

When I go into WalMart, my goal is to get my stuff and get out as fast as I can. That doesn’t leave a lot of time to look at anybody…

Let’s face it - anyone who isn’t one of the beautiful people shouldn’t be seen in public and really should just kill themselves, amiright?

The irony is that all the Walmartians get dressed in the morning, look in the mirror, and say, “Looking *Gooood! *”

Ideal world?

That’s the thing that gets me; how do people look in the mirror and/or see these clothes and think “Yeah, THIS is the outfit that I want to wear. I look GOOD!” ?

I’m not talking about the no concern about their appearance people, I’m talking about the ones who have a meticulously crafted, yet some combination of atrocious, trashy and comical look.

For example, an oversize T-shirt of President Obama where he has rhinestones as hair, and sequins as teeth, worn with skin-tight leopard print tights by an obese woman.

Usually when I go to Wal Mart my thought process is “I don’t have to look good, I’m just going to Wal Mart.” Or “I look like shit, so I’m going to have to choose Wal Mart.”

It’s not just the “I look good” notion that baffles me, but a lot of those outfits have got to be uncomfortable.

The thing about singling out Walmart, is that there’s such a tremendous pool. I own a retail store, and the number of outrageously dressed, or behaved people to folks who wouldn’t cause so much as an extra blink ratio is probably the same as Walmart’s. But I’d only have cause to update a People of Gwen’s Store blog once or twice a year. (Strolling by on the sidewalk is a different matter. You never know what you’re going to see.)

I shop in Walmart. But now, when I do I am very careful about what I wear. And I hold the back of my shirt down if I have to get something from a lower shelf. Cameras are everywhere.

The third type are the parents who actively encourage their childrens’ misbehavior. :wink:

BTW: I’m not dissin’ Wallyworld, or the public in general; I’m just amused that someone coined the word “Walmartians”, and that it’s become a trope.

Exactly. When I have to make a run to Walmart, I just wear whatever I happen to be lounging in around the house at the moment - usually just a pair of gym shorts, an old T-shirt and flips-flops.