As you can see by reading the thread title, a friend is offering me a very generous reward* if I’ll eat one of his Carolina Reaper peppers raw. I figure that, using the collective resources of the Straight Dope’s medicine, chemistry, and botany communities, there has to be a way that I can game this to my advantage and do it safely**.
Here’s what I’m thinking: spray Chloraseptic throat spray all over every square micrometer of my mouth and even as far down my throat as I can comfortably get it. Then, cut the pepper in half, coat it with KY Jelly, and down each half in one go. I figure between the numbing agent in my mouth and the lubricant on the pepper, I should be able to get it down with minimal capsaicin getting a chance to bind to my mucus membranes. Then, wash it all down with a shot of Vodka - capsaicin being akin to an oil, and alcohol being a solvent.
Am I on the right track here? Or is my plan a one-way ticket to pain and misery?
*My friend is the Dungeon Master, and he’s offering me unlimited Fire Breath potions for the remainder of my character’s life.
** “Safely” here being relative, as capsaicin won’t kill me, but it will likely make me wish I was dead. So here “safely” means “in a way that won’t make me wish I was dead.”