Having just read all of this, I am a bit confused, @Dinsdale. You’re ostensibly asking if people think it’s worth saying something, and if it would affect one’s overall impression of the person.
But when people suggest that it should affect your overall impression, you seem to be defending him as being a good guy. Then, when people suggest that there may be a mistake or misunderstanding involved, you seem to be insisting that it can’t be that.
So, I guess I’d say you have your answer. You believe someone can intentionally cheat about something minor, but still be a good person in general. You don’t seem to be open to other views, at least involving this person.
So my confusion is about what you’re really asking. Is the question just about whether you should confront him over his low stakes cheating, or let it go because you like golfing with him and it is, after all, just a few bucks?
What I was asking was for peoples’ opinions. They offered them, and thinking over them and the situation, I reconsidered and firmed up various aspects.
I generally am predisposed to not think poorly of people I know and like. Though I have changed my favorable opinion when warranted. And I also tend to assume that people I know and like act intentionally and ought to be held responsible for their choices, words, and actions.
I haven’t played golf for a while, but I used to play a lot.
There’s almost a zero chance that someone as described who doesn’t know the rules. This isn’t some completely obscure rule.
My guess is that @Dinsdale is trying to find a way to get his head around that fact that an acquaintance is cheating.
I have never hit a ball twice into the same water hazard, but I’ve been stuck into a massive sand trap that for some reason I couldn’t escape. Fifteen years later I can still count every stroke.
I agree that any modestly serious golfer should know what they are doing.
One game, a guy put a mark on the green in front of his ball, and picked it up before his putt. All legal, of course. Then he placed the ball down in front of the mark. That’s not an accident, but come on. Why cheat to get your ball two inches closer to the hole?
AFAIK, the only way to correctly mark your ball on the green is to place the marked BEHIND your ball, then pick up your ball. To replace, place the ball down in front of the marker, and then pick up the marker. But I’ve seen people pick up their ball and then place their marker in the general area, or what you describe in reverse.
Just hard to get my mind around how they can watch their 3 playing partners do it correctly hole after hole, week after week, and then just casually do it differently. IMO, they simply don’t know, and don’t think it important. And sometimes on the course it is awkward to keep telling someone, “THIS is the proper way to do it.” Perhaps the saving factor is such people are usually lousy putters and 2" here or there won’t really help them.
Maybe a better way to phrase what I was thinking about my friend was how do I ask if he counted correctly without making it seem I was accusing him of cheating, or that I was terribly concerned with winning $.50, or that I was the “rules police.” It is not clear that he was intentionally cheating/lying. Maybe he miscounted. Maybe he was confused. But the result - WRT the wager - was the same either way. As I expressed above, I think folk have helped me figure out an approach.
That’s the point of my bridge example. I know perfectly well that the official rules are extremely strict if you make a mistake. And this is unambiguously the right things to do at tournaments. I also know that i prefer to play a “friendlier”, more low-key game where we allow “backsies” in many situations, where the mistake was a dumb brain fart. Most of the others I play with agree.
I’m not cheating. I’m playing with modified rules. Completely intentionally. And i don’t make as many of those mistakes as many of the other players, so it’s not like I’m trying to favor my score. I’m trying to favor my enjoyment of the game, which is diminished when someone gets a crappy result on a hand for a stupid reason.
In the case of bridge, these things are obvious to everyone at the table, so we all need to agree how to handle each case. But golf is kinda an individual game. So it’s easy for me to imagine people playing together for years without realizing they are applying slightly different rules.