A gift from the dead: What would you do?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here is the situation: Your cousin has died. He was a big sports fan. You liked him but were not particularly close. You attend the viewing and note that he is laid out wearing his prized sports jersey of his favorite team. You pay your respects.

A week later his sister pays you a visit and presents to you the very same jersey that kept him warm in his coffin during the funeral home visitation. As she hands it to you it is clear that this is, to her, a great honor bestowed upon you. How do you respond? What are you feeling?

Also, what would you do with the jersey now that it is yours?

mmm

2

Thank her profusely and write her a very nice thank you card. Wait a few months and donate the jersey to charity.

ETA: I love being the first vote. I AM RIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE 100% OF THE VOTES.

3

I guess I should have mentioned that his name is on the back of the jersey.
mmm

4

Well given that I still need to go with outer honoured, inner horrified but I’d probably pack it into a box of old kids drawings or some other “I swear I’m going to do something about this stuff some day” location.

If we were close it wouldn’t be much different really, I’m not horribly sentimental about items but I do my best to not offend family members who are.

5

I’d have to vote for confused. If we weren’t close, why would he want me to have something? Plus, apart from jewelry, I’ve never know the departed to be undressed after the viewing.

I’d thank his sister, then eventually maybe look for a booster squad or fan club of the team and donate the jersey to them. Or perhaps there’s a niece or nephew who might like to have it??

Right now, I’m saddled with a couple of items that belonged to my grandmothers and I feel guilty when I think about getting rid of them. One is a pair of candlesticks that I got after my paternal grandmother died. I honestly don’t ever recall seeing them in her house, so they have no meaning to me. And I don’t need them to remember her, because before she died, she gave me her Singer treadle sewing machine, which I’ve treasured since I was a teen. Now that I read this, I’m thinking they’re going in the trash. (One is cracked, and both are covered in wax, so I can’t even donate them.)

The other is a vase that belonged to my maternal grandmother. It was one of a set of 4 that she bought from Franklin Mint. Three of my sibs have the others. It’s not at all a style I like, and again, I don’t recall seeing it in her house, but she had so many knick-knacks, I’m not surprised, and I’m most grateful that I didn’t get the cabinet full of Hummels. :eek: And again, I don’t need it to remember her, because I have a picture that used to hang over her mantle, and it means a lot to me, plus I’ve got a small table that I remember playing on as a kid. I offered the vase to my daughter, and she didn’t want it either. Maybe my niece would like it??

My mom also gave me a diamond ring that used to belong to her mother, and after about a year, I gave it back. I don’t like jewelry, and my mother absolutely loves diamonds, so she was happy to have it and I was glad to be rid of it. She “paid” me for it, and I gave that money to my daughter who was in college at the time - it helped cover books one semester.

Guess I’m not very sentimental.

6

I would probably be openly confused (is clothing really salvaged from an open casket viewing?) and I’d probably throw it in a closet somewhere after thanking them for the bequest.

7

I am not sentimental at all. I wouldn’t hesitate to give it away. As said, though, I would wait a while.

Why are you getting it anyway? Do you have the same name or something?

8

I’d be honored all around. For his sister, it’s obviously important to her that I receive it because she knew he wanted me to have it and she is taking care of that and it’s part of her own grieving process. Even if I were creeped out by it, it’s not really the appropriate time or place to express that.

Internally, even if we weren’t particularly close, there may be more going on about the jersey that I realize. There are plenty of reasons why he may want me to have it even if we were particularly close. Maybe there was a particular event or conversation that led him to believe it was something I’d appreciate. Maybe he felt we were closer than I did. The important part is that it was a gift that he wanted to give me to remember him by and I should graciously accept it as a last wish.

As for what I’d do with it, probably just pack it away or hang it in the closet. It’s not the sort of thing I could see wearing or displaying, just the sort of thing to remember I have and for his family to remember I have whenever those sorts of things come up as memories or in conversation.

9

Yeah, actually we do. It still caught me by surprise for a variety of reasons (mostly because it was, you know, taken off of a corpse).
mmm

10

I would feign honor and gratitude to hide my massive indifference. Place the jersey in the back of a closet and then forget it.

Unless it was a redskins Jersey. Then I’d probably wear it on occassion.

11

I was attending a funeral for a Native American on a reservation. I was related to the guest of honor by marriage, but had never actually met him. His family gave me one of his shirts. (If I recall correctly, many people were given articles of clothing or other personal items). It was nothing special, just a T-shirt actually. It is, indeed, a great honor, although one I was unfamiliar with. I kept t he shirt, wore it around the house (it was too big for me), and thought of him briefly each time I put it on.

Perhaps the custom began simply as a way to avoid wasting things when someone died.

12

That’s creepy.
Unfortunately it’s a done deal. There’s no putting it back.
And it isn’t the time to go around making the sister feel worse by asking her questions like why they would do such a thing. There’s no real benefit saying anything now.
I’d probably bury it the most remote corner of a closet I can find.

I wonder how often this happens with jewelry. Where it’s their last chance to wear it, but practically it’s all too expansive to be doing away with.

13

Way back when I was basically a professional fly-fisher - built tackle, had a shop, did some guiding. One of my casual friends was a regular client. Long story short, he died and was laid out in his favorite fishing hat. Couple weeks later his widow handed me the hat saying he had specified to her that I get it. She had insisted he wear it “on display” but also dearly wanted to honor his request. I was honored but a little creeped as well. In my family, anything in the box goes with you ---- rings, booze, pictures or whatever. Taking something back out was never our thing. You want it, get it before the body is displayed.

(Still have the hat in the back of the china cabinet somewhere.)

14

Before they closed my dad’s casket, they removed his wedding ring and my mother has it. It wasn’t super expensive, but there was a lot of sentiment attached. And I know when my mom dies, all of her jewelry will become part of the estate. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

My husband is wearing my paternal grandfather’s wedding ring - my dad got it after his mother died and he kept it in a drawer. After he died, my mom offered it to my husband, and he’s worn it for over 10 years now. It will eventually go to our daughter.

15

I don’t get it. How did they recover the shirt?

16

Depending on the tribe, it could have been a potlatch and is basically for the redistribution of wealth. They aren’t always at a death; I attended one after a wedding where the father-of-the-bride gave away just about everything he had to “the kids” and all the guests.

17

In a casket, people often have jewelry and other personal items that are then removed before the actual burial.

I voted uneasy and horrified.

Uneasy because this was not a close cousin and not sure why I am being given this obviously important artifact.
Somewhat horrified that I have been given something so very personal from the family for no particular reason, and no idea what I am supposed to do with it. Wear it during games? Frame it?

If this is indeed a true tale, someone got their signals crossed and assumed you were tight buddies and that you were a huge fan of the same team. I am sure it was well-meaning.

I would see if cousin maybe went to a local bar to watch those game - and ask if you could present them with the framed jersey? That would be an honor of sorts, to have it hanging there where his other friends could see it and remember him, and get it out of your house at the same time.

18

Don’t want it, won’t take it.

19

Outer me is honored; inner me is meh. I wouldn’t be weirded out by it but I also wouldn’t consider it some great honor. I would graciously accept the gift, tuck it away somewhere and move on.

20

I don’t mind having dead people’s stuff at all. Having the shirt off a corpse is something different. I would accept it gracefully and then… I don’t know. I think I would have to make it gone somehow.