A girl I knew has died.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I met a girl once, a long time ago. She was amazingly pretty. I never met her parents, but she seemed to have some Asian heritage. She wasn’t my friend, but the friend of my best friend. I got an e-mail from my friend who said that he heard from his mom that this girl has died of a drug overdose on Monday last. Apparently she’d just come out of rehab, but had another relapse.

When we met, we were at my friend’s house. His mom was away, and we were partying. She was great to talk to. A very interesting person. As the night drew to a close she and another guy were shooting cocaine.

We ran into each other yonks ago. I was working in a building near LAX and she was there visiting another office. She was either a dental assistant, or she was studying to be one. She was as attractive as ever. It seemed as if she was getting her life together. She said she had stopped doing drugs.

That was the last time I saw her.

I have a photograph of her around here somewhere. I think I’m in the photo as well, but I don’t remember. I’d think of her from time to time and wonder how she was doing.

I guess her life didn’t go as well as she had planned or I had hoped. Her addiction got the better of her. I don’t know what she overdosed on, but my friend says heroin was her drug of choice.

How does this affect me? Not much, actually. I barely knew her. But still I’m sad at the waste of a life.

There are threads on these boards from time to time about drug use. Some posters say there’s nothing wrong with using drugs. They can handle it. It’s fun. And to tell the truth, I don’t see anything wrong with smoking some weed or snorting some coke now and then. I don’t do it myself, having gone through that phase longer ago than I’d care to remember. But my attitude has been “Don’t say ‘No!’ to drugs. Say, ‘No, thank you.’”

I’ve seen people’s lives grind to a halt through smoking marijuana, snorting cocaine, and drinking alcohol. Not that they died; just that they appeared to have reached stasis.

I know others on this board have lost people to drug use. But this is the first person I’ve actually known and have conversed with who has died from them.

So to those who like to use drugs, legal or otherwise, let me say this: It’s your business if you over-do it and kill yourself. If that’s what you want to do, then that’s what you will do. But remember that you may affect people you barely know, even if the effect is just that they are saddened a bit to hear of your demise.

2

Man, I offer my complete condolences

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family.

3

I offered mine as well. As I said, I didn’t know her well; but what a waste of a life!

4

Yes it is really tragic, man, the amount of people who have wasted their life cause of being in the wrong crowd/place at the wrong time it really is.

5

Well put, Johnny. I am sorry this happened, and my thoughts are with the family and friends she left behind.

I agree with your assessment of usage though. Stasis seems to be a sort of half-life scenario, and one I’m not willing to risk. So, as you say, “No, thank you.”

Peace.

6

Johnny L.A., you make such an excellent point in how lives are intertwined with other lives. Just your sharing this story which obviously had its effect on you has affected me, and the only connection I have to your friend is through you, and my only connection to you is SDMB.

We never really know how our own actions and words will affect others, even people we’ll never meet. It’s just the way the world works.

Being saddened by the waste of one life, not to mention the lives of thousands and millions, is part of why we continue to hope for ways to prevent that. When we see that those efforts at prevention don’t always work, it’s a setback. But reminding ourselves, as you have, Johnny L.A., is a good thing to do. It helps keep us from growing jaded and apathetic.

You have my sympathies, too. And my thanks.

7

My sympathies.

Isn’t it strange when this happens? A girl I went to high school with died in a housefire last winter. I found out because it was on the front page of the newspaper. Neither of us were in our hometown, we’d both moved to Ottawa (I moved in order to find work, and she moved to attend Ottawa U). She made the front page because she was young and a go-getter and very pretty, and wasn’t it a shame.

At first, it didn’t really affect me, but then I found myself thinking about the times she talked to me (not often, because she was Cordelia and I was Willow, minus the weekly mortal peril, natch), and the one time she offered me money to write an essay for her, and the many times I saw her by the back doors of the school, smoking or talking on her cell phone or pulling her long blond hair out of the back of her jacket.
I thought; “Our stories used to be happening at the same time, but now hers is over, and mine goes on.” She doesn’t even get an epilogue. She’s just - vanished. It doesn’t sound very deep, I guess. But it feels deep.

8

My sympathies.

I was in a sort-of similar situation a couple of weeks ago when a good, longtime, friend of my BIL died. I’d met the guy a few times and smoked with him. Cool fellow. Smoke wasn’t his preference, though. If it was, he’d still be around to blaze up with.

He liked alcohol, Xanax, and Valium. For almost ten years, he popped benzos like candy and drank like a fish. One night his heart just decided it had had enough. He was the first person I’d ever met who died from drugs. It does make you mad at the waste of life.

It also makes you wonder where such self-destructive behavior actually comes from. Why can one person snort a line twice a year at parties and never get hooked, while someone else will steal from their own family to feed a coke addiction? It’s not all genetics. At least, that’s what researchers are saying.

I’m probably a good example. I think I have a fairly addictive personality when it comes to drugs. That’s why I’ve never dared to touch any hard drug, not even once.

Oddly, however, neither of my parents have ever even tried an illegal drug. Neither ever smoked cigarettes. They drink alcohol socially a couple of times a year. Both sets of grandparents were the same except for smoking on my dad’s side and moderate drinking on my mom’s. When my parents would go to Atlantic City, they’d literally spend $5 at the casinos. There are seemingly no addictive personalities whatsoever anywhere in my family. How the hell did I happen?

9

Ah, neutron, maybe you’re a throwback. :wink:

Sorry to hear about it, Johnny. It is awkward.

10

I had a similar experience with a casual friend a few years ago. I saw him progress deeper into drugs, he hated himself when he was intoxicated but felt he could no longer face life sober. One night he drove his motorcycle into a cement wall, he left a note saying he could not face living in that vicious circle any more (so I was told). Scary stuff, it reaffirms that old adage about learning from the mistakes of others.

11

Well said Johnny. Very well said indeed.

12

I’d like to thank you for sharing this.

Thanks.

13

The thing of it is, I believe a person has a right to do to himself or herself whatever he or she wishes. Of course there is the normal caveat that the person is not allowed to injure others. (For example, I don’t think a person should commit suicide by crashing a planeload of passengers – which happened to a PSA flight about 20 years ago.) But how do I reconcile a person’s right to destroy his life with the admonition to not cause pain to others? A death is devastating to the survivors, whether it is accidental or intentional. (The death of this person seems from what little I’ve heard to be unintentional.)

Not that I’m devastated. I did not know her well enough to feel anything but “Gee, that’s sad.”

Certainly her addiction caused her family pain, and that’s not right. As I’ve said, it doesn’t bother me if people use drugs. It’s their choice and their right as a human being. But these choices must have an underlying cause. Why do some people use drugs? Why do some people progress to more dangerous drugs? Alcohol is a well known “social lubricant”. It tastes good, and it promotes social interaction. Tobacco, marijuana and cocaine are also social drugs. But there is a point where the consumption of these drugs crosses the line from being social to being dangerous.

I suppose there is a biological component. neutron star asks where this self-destructive behaviour comes from. Some people are just predisposed to addiction. But there is a psychological factor. Drugs make you feel good. It’s sad that these people must seek gratification from chemicals instead of through other people. I’ve used marijuana and cocaine. (Infrequently and casually.) Marijuana made me think too much, and then I would dwell on my failures. I found that flying an airplane or riding a motorcycle makes me feel better than “zoning out”. Cocaine is definitely fun. I could see myself becoming addicted to it. But I’m not about to endanger my flying privileges by using illegal drugs or even risking a drunk-driving charge.

Some people, it seems, are not getting the emotional “high” that they need. I think that people try drugs – “experiment” is the term – and find that they feel good. Then they have an emotional crisis and drugs is an easy way of dealing with it. Taking drugs makes the problem go away for a little while. It’s a downward spiral.

I am not a knight errant, out to prove my chivalry. I can’t save everybody. I am not equipped to save even one person from their self-destructive behaviour. But some people are. Could this girl have been saved? She had been to rehab. Someone cared enough to send her there. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. I have no experience helping people through crises; but I have an idea that the amount of assistance to be rendered is overwhelming. I have an idea that to save a person you need to make them hate you; and in doing so, they stop hating themselves. And if it doesn’t work, they hate themselves even more. It sounds risky.

So could this girl have been saved? Maybe. Maybe not. She used dangerous drugs instead of facing the problems that made her turn to them. And now she’s dead.

And how do I feel? What is her death doing to me? Her death is sad, but in honesty all I’m personally feeling is, “Gee, that’s too bad.” But I can empathise with her parents and with my friend who knew her well. I’m sorry for them. And maybe that’s why I started this thread. Maybe someone who is using drugs will read it. Maybe they haven’t thought of where their behaviour might lead, nor how it affects the people who love them. Maybe it will help.

14

My sympathies to all involved.

Two years ago on August 1st, Charles E. died of a herion overdose. I had known him for a long time, but had not seen him for a couple of years. He was the bass player for the band my husband is in, but had quit and moved to Minn.
He was always a party guy but also a voracious reader, an artist and a pretty funny guy.
He made the best onion rings.
I put taffy between his toes on my wedding night as he lay passed out at the bands practice pad. He took it like a trooper.
Sigh…miss you, Charles.

15

My sympathies.

I lost two friends several years ago to drugs and alcohol. The first took enough to turn himself into a permanent vegetable. His brother and girlfriend died from carbon monoxide poisoning. It appears that he was trying to light his stove and passed out from alcohol. His girlfriend was asleep in the bedroom and never woke. It hurts still to think about them as they were my neighbors for most of my childhood.
I can never truly understand someone elses grief or pain and try to never say that I do understand it. All I know is it sucks to lose someone you knew and liked as a friend or more. I hope your pain and loss fades quickly, but never forget her. That would be a crime in itself.

Sorry for going on, but this issue brings up a lot of mixed emotions.