It was Wal-Tussin, actually, Walgreens brand. I’m still fairly freaked out by this. I’ve had a lot of creepy stuff happen at work, but this takes the cake so far.
So I’m standing there, ringing people up, a fairly normal Saturday night at Walgreens, and this skinny white kid walks in and, talking too fast, wants to know where the Robitussin is. I point him in the right direction, thinking, “Oh, my. Just wait and see if I do not card you, my son.” Because in the state of Illinois, you have to be 18 to buy products containing dextromethorphan, and it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dashed somebody’s hopes by demanding his ID to purchase cough syrup.
So he eventually comes back to the register with a 4 oz. bottle of Wal-Tussin, still talking too fast, babbling actually, and he’s got some Visine, and then he wants cigarettes, too.
So I say, “May I see a driver’s license, please?” and he babbles, “Oh, yeah, it’s out in the car”, and he starts out the door, and he adds confidently, over his shoulder, “But, you know, I’m 25,” and I’m, like, “Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we?”
And I really didn’t think he’d come back, because they usually don’t, yanno? When they say, “Oh, yeah, it’s out in the car, but I’m 25…”
But he did come back in. So you better believe I checked that puppy thoroughly.
Especially since it was a Missouri DL. Uh huh.
Well, as far as I could tell, it was the real deal. If it was a fake, it was a damn good fake, holograms and all.
And it said he was 25.
So I sold him the Wal-Tussin, and the cigarettes. And I had just handed him his change, and was turning my attention to the next customers in line, when I realized that he was opening something, still standing there just to the side of my checkout counter. People do that sometimes; they stand there and rip it open, whatever it is.
And he said fervently, “I really need this,” and I thought, “Wow, I’ve never heard of anybody really needing Visine before,” because of course I assumed that’s what he was opening, since he wasn’t coughing.
And then I turned my attention back to him–and I realized he was drinking something, head thrown back. And I thought, “Wow, I’ve never heard of anyone drinking Visine before,” and I wondered briefly if he was stupid enough to believe his buddy who told him you could get high on Visine.
And then he handed it to be, along with its packaging, saying, “Here, I’ll let you have that,” and I realized it was the Wal-Tussin.
I held it, and said blankly, “…did you just drink that? The whole thing!?”
He said, with a smile, fervently, “I really needed that.”
Our eyes locked.
I said to him, firmly, “I am your mother. And I disapprove.”
He said lightly, “Well, I guess I’ll stop doing it, then.” And he left.
Blew me away.
Blew away the next customers in line, too. Three bling-encrusted, gold-chain-wearing inner city youths, buying snacks. They too watched, slack-jawed with amazement.
First guy said to me, “What he just drink?”
I showed them the empty Wal-Tussin. “He chugged that, just now.”
They were impressed. “Day-um…”
Not that the dude had ingested DMX, but that he hadn’t waited until he got, like, out in the car or somethin, I mean, day-um…
I remarked, to nobody in particular, “That was four ounces; I dunno what the normal adult dose is…”
One of them immediately said, “Two teaspoons.”
So I came home and thanked both my children for not being idiotic druggies getting high on cough syrup.
And I looked up a bunch of stuff on Erowid, and I was relieved to see that it probably wasn’t a lethal dose.
But…day-um.
