A kid with a stupid parent (Long)

I’m really upset right now. This is an ongoing situation, and I have to say something somewhere.

Here’s the past info:
I work in an office with Probation Officers. I am not one of them, but I work closely with them and I know a lot about their cases. Also located in our building is the Juvenile Detention Center for our region, so it’s staffed 24/7. We also have a school program for kids who need more structure than regular public school (or They have behavior problems) The Kid I’m writing about is an attendee, who has been in school this summer.

“Joe”, is on Intensive Supervised Probation, but is currently not in the JDC. He has younger siblings (2) of various ages. His father recently got out of prison. His mother, is currently homeless. Under his mother’s care, the boy simply has no one to supervise him. She is too busy with her own life, her alcoholism and her drug problems to look after him. He looks after his brothers. He also has an older brother (at least one that I know of) who used to be supervised by us as well, until he turned 18. Now he’s regularly in and out of Jail as an adult offender. Joe really admires his older brother. I have to say it seems to be the only person who has ever given Joe any attention at all. Not the best influence, but about the only thing he has.

Joe’s ISP officer was concerned about him when his mom lost her place to live. The officer, being a good person, set up an arrangement where they could actually get financial help finding a place to live. Not a loan. A Grant. Money that does not to be repaid! Mom decided that she just didn’t have time to fill out the paperwork (even with offers of assistance to get it all done) and so the deadline came, passed, and disappeared. Chance gone.

No housing. It’s summer in Kansas, and the heat index ranges from 101 to 110 for days on end. Mom decides that the only recourse is for her to go on a friends property in the middle of nowhere and live in a tent. A flimsy little TENT.

When this came out, his officer (and the director and everybody else) decided that they couldn’t in good conscience send Joe home from school in this heat, to sit around outside and sleep in a tent. Called the Judge, got advice, and Joe was sent to a local “Boys Shelter”. This was on a Friday so he would be spending the weekend there at least. Like good people, the folks here promptly called the Kansas version of child welfare (SRS) regarding his family’s situation.

On Monday, the welfare (SRS) worker called back and bitched out his probation officer for doing something about Joe but not his siblings. Well, we have absolutely no LEGAL authority to do anything about his siblings. That’s why we called you, you stupid bitch. We would have certainly moved on this for all the children involved if we’d been able to legally. And then she, the fucking moron, said: "We already have a case open on Joe and his family. We would have taken care of it."

When fucking exactly would you have taken care of it? It was fucking 107 degrees outside and you KNEW they were living in a fucking TENT! “That’s considered to be a domicile” (to them btw). Jesus fucking CHRIST! Children living in a fucking tent is OK to SRS. Well just fucking peachy. SO I guess in the middle of winter it should be just dandy for them too. Good to know I shouldn’t worry about a person living in a tent with no other place to stay. I’ll try real hard to remember that. Bitch.

So, last week, finally, SRS decides that since we made * such *a big fuss about this they’d finally do something, and placed the children with their grandparents. The grandparents have also given us some info about mom and dads’ drug habits, the drinking, and how everything falls apart when they run out of drug money. They want custody of the kids and to take the kids with them on vacation. So, they meet with Joe’s PO, about setting up the travel permits etc., and about Joe’s problem.

Last night, Mom called the JDC. Drunk. So upset that her children were going on vacation without her permission. I really wish I could feel sorry for her, but I can’t. I know she loves her kids, but she really has no clue as to what her lifestyle has done to their lives. You fucking selfish bitch. Have you ever just once thought about someone besides yourself and what you want? It’s not your fault, you say. You think everyone is just bringing you down. Well you know what lady, YOU are bringing you down. And you’re dragging your children with you.

The boy’s only 12 and he doesn’t stand a chance of escaping.
Sometimes I really hate this fucking world.

You know she loves her kids? How?:confused:

I feel sorry for her. And the kids. And you’re right…this can be a pretty mean world.

You know, it’s the response of the SRS caseworker that pisses me right the fuck off. People like the mom shouldn’t be allowed to have their children because living in a tent in 107 degree heat is DANGEROUS. They obviously don’t have proper bathing facilities (unless they started making tents with bathrooms in them recently…) and no cooking facilities for their food. WTF were they eating? That caseworker should have stepped in LONG before this came to fruition.
The reason this pisses me off so bad is because I know a woman that has a home, a husband and plenty of money but lost her child because she is in therapy for a mental illness. No she never hurt her kid and he was one of the most well adjusted little boys I’ve EVER seen but because she was diagnosed as having MPD and he got into her medication once they took him away from her. Fucking shit like this pisses me off to no end. She was in therapy and getting help voluntarily and they STILL took her kid but people like that get to live in tents and keep their kids… WTF??? I’m glad they were finally taken care of.

Dungbeetle, I actually am giving her the benefit of the doubt. I have been upset enough to claim that she doesn’t love the kids, but if she didn’t, you’d think she’d be most pleased to get rid of them.

We have one mom who kicked her boy out cause her boyfriend was moving in with her, and there simply wasn’t enough room for them all!

Kalhoun, I feel sorry for her too, but I feel more sorry for the kids.

And Pencilpusher it is beyond me to understand why SRS does what they do when they do it. A lot of their decisions seem so…random.

It’s not that I don’t feel sorry for the kids and feel that they’re in a horrendous situation, but it really irks me when someone says that a kid doesn’t have a chance of escaping from the situation they were born into. Yes, this kid’s had a rough life, and yes, he’s had shitty role models. These two facts don’t automatically mean he’s going to follow in his father’s and brother’s foot steps and wind up in and out of jail, or his mother’s and wind up dependant on drugs and/or alcohol though. Kids aren’t dumb. Give them a good role model and let them see the differences in the quality of life that arises from being a responsible vs an irresponsible adult.

I spent a great deal of my childhood popping and out of foster care. You’re right, Lilac, I do believe their decisions are random.

As I read the OP, she was saying that the kid didn’t have a chance of escaping unless there was intervention. With no intervention, there’s very little chance the boy will have a good role model. I also didn’t take the term “no chace” to be literal, but rather figurative. That meaning, the odds are so stacked against kids who grow up like this, that they have very little chance of accomplishing anything in life.

Amberlei, the boy is a juvenile offender already. His brother, in a gang, is his only role model. His last birthday he had a nice gang initiation of having the shit beat out of him (which he was very proud of).

The fact of the matter is, he doesn’t want to live with his grandparents. He’d much rather have the freedom to do as he pleases which with his mother is what he gets.

I’m not saying ALL kids in fostercare don’t have a chance for goodness sakes. I’m saying HE doesn’t have MUCH of a chance.