A letter to my childs Kindergarten teacher - your opinions, please.

In My Humble Opinion
21

Overall, I think it’s a good letter, but what happened to parent/teacher conferences? At the beginning of every school year, I introduce myself to every teacher my kids have. That way, if something occurs, we’re not meeting as strangers and I get a chance to size up the teacher for myself. Just some unasked for advice for next year.

I would cut the money and the whole tax thing-not important here.

I’d also get your daughter’s eyes checked, and perhaps a pediatrician visit.

Has it ever occurred to you that she may not be a phonetics learner? Phonics confused the hell out of me as a kid. #2 son struggled and struggled in reading all through elementary school. The second week of 4th grade, when I introduced myself to the teacher, she said–it’s obvious he is not a phonics learner; he is sight reader. He has rocketed up 3 whole grade levels in reading since that day (he’s in 4th grade now. He started 4th grade barely at grade level in reading-now he’s at 7-8th grade). joy!

It also sounds to me like your daughter had some good pre-reading skills, but that she memorized some words or even books (good pre-reading). Out of context, she is lost–because she wasn’t really reading in the first place. Same with math–she may have known some of the problems, but did she truly understand addition conceptually? I don’t know. I also think she sounds like a healthy, happy Kindergartner and that you could relax a bit. If you are truly deeply concerned, talk to the teacher; follow up by letter if the talk is not successful and perhaps change schools–next year. School is a lot more than phonics and addition-where is she socially? Maturity level? Does she have school friends? Does she do well with other adults? There’s a lot to consider here.

22

Eh, it’s just how we are. As for myself, I’m better at expressing myself through writing than I am verbally and, imho, having some foreknowledge of what we want to meet would be less “confrontational” than a face-to-face meeting where the topics are unknown and the teacher would have to “defend” herself on the fly.

In other words, were I in the teachers shoes, I would prefer a letter prior to the meeting rather than going in w/o any prior indication of what the meeting is about.

23

That’s good advice about the bullet points.

But the thing about TV - it REALLY bugs me. It’s 1-hours worth of TV watching a day, which seems to be excessive. And again: I have little faith in the efficacy of TV as a teaching tool (as far as facts and knowledge go) and the idea of using TV to teach a love of literacy is bizarre at best.

Again: imho. :wink:

24

We have spoken to her about a couple of issues, especially the phonetics/whole language thing. The teachers take is that she prefers a whole-language emphasized approach, which is seemingly not doing my daughter any favors. She can read “Cat” but not “Mat”.

We also just learned about the TV this past week - my daughter, in all her talking about school, never thought to bring it up (and we never thought to ask, directly “Sophie, do you watch TV in class?”).

I like letters for reasons stated above. I have no idea what my nationality has to do with my communication preferences. :rolleyes:

25

No. No. No!

You compose letters to large, faceless institutions in which you have no personal contact. This is your kid’s teacher! Do not start this dialog with an accusational letter. Go and speak with the teacher. Plain and simple. :smack:

Edit: Just noticed your reply above John. I’m not trying to be a prick, really, but simple conversations are much more effective than formal accusational letters. And besides, television can be very educational. And besides, you’re being way too over-analytic on all of this: she’s in kindergarten.

26

We’ve actually started some phonics-based instruction this past week and she’s doing quite well with it.

She does have friends, but being an only child, tends to prefer the company of older kids (who tend to love her back).

27

So you would prefer that I approach this in a manner to which I’m uncomfortable and the teacher is unawares of what is going to be discussed prior to the meeting?

Because, here’s what would happen. We would have a meeting in which I would still bring typed notes, complete with bullet-points, because that’s how I best remember and do things. A “this is my agenda” kind of thing.

On the teachers side, wouldn’t that be more discomforting than a “You’ve read my letter, let’s discuss what’s in it” meeting? If it were me, I’d probably freak out a little bit - “What the hell is all that? This guy brought a two-page agenda to a parents-teacher meeting? I would’ve liked to have known what this was all about prior to this meeting so I could have prepared myself!”

28

You might want to ask the teacher about this, either in the letter or in person. If the girl is struggling, it could have way more to do with a bully than a television.

29

She had a bully that she complained about. We told her to ignore the child, that she was merely seeking a negative response from Sophie so she could feel better about herself.

So Sophie stopped talking about the bully a few days later… when we asked about the bully, Sophie said that she was “being mean” once and that Sophie replied “Go away - you bore me.” :smiley: (That was Dad’s advice. Mom was of the “try to be her friend” type of advice).

To which the bully went away and stopped bothering her. Whether she selected new targets… I don’t know. But it’s no longer a problem to my daughter.

30

Yes. Yes, that’s what I’m suggesting. Why should any of this be the over-the-top-dramatical play that you’re anticipating? It’s a kindergarten teacher! Walk in, and talk to her! She’s a human being with feelings and opinions too. For some reason I think you perceive her as an authority figure and have a hard time communicating verbally what your feelings and expectations are. Listen, if I got your letter, I’d be offended, and I’d think you were a pompous jerk.

I’m not calling you that! But if I were the teacher you would really piss me off by sending such a condescendingly accusational letter without coming in and talking to me first.

She’s a human being, and deserves to be confronted face-to-face. And again, you’re overplaying this thing way too much for a kid in kindergarten. I mean really.

31

Letter and number reversals are more common than you think at this age. They will almost always clear by grade 1 or 2. That was the advice of our kinder teacher, and it proved to be correct. It’s not bad teaching, and it’s probably not dyslexia- it’s just an age thing and developmentally, it should clear up.

The “guessing instead of sounding out or adding numbers” thing also sounds age-based and not too worrisome. Obviously, if you are very concerned you could start running exercises at home to supplement her school work, and see if it improves. Again, it’s most likely something that she will simply grow out of.

YMMV, as always. Simply my experience with my 5.5 & 8 year olds.

32

I agree with Leaffan about this one, JohnT. I’m a retired teacher, and I would have much preferred to have parents ask for a meeting about some problems their daughter was experiencing rather than face the parents after such a letter.

When you see her, ask her first of all to tell you how she sees your daughter’s progress in class. This will feel more like the opening of a dialogue than an inquisition.

Yes, and what EJsGirl wrote. :slight_smile:

33

Not to dismiss your concerns at all, but be assured that sometimes kids regress as they conquer new skills, or relearn skills in a new context.

As an only child she maybe adjusting to the classroom environment (especially if she didn’t go to 5 day a week preschool). She maybe learning social skills that are new to her.

My daughter (4th grade now) was reading books at three and writing extensively by five. In kindergarten she started learning new skills and was under different pressures and her behavior changed for a while.

Your daughter may feel academic pressure to perform at some level as well (that happened to our son in kindergarten; such is the life of kids of academics…).

In my experience, the kindergarten curricula emphasizes sight words over phonics (learning it, the, like, was etc) over decoding skills (which is mat, cat, bat- she would first have to learn the -at chunk and then generalize the initial sound etc).

Perhaps at your meeting with the teacher you can get a copy of the curriculum for kindergarten and see what the expectations are.

Regarding the letter vs meeting: Clearly you should choose to do what you feel is best- but you aren’t the only player in this dynamic. You are trying to get info, influence and get help from her teacher and would want her to be as cooperative and non-defensive as possible. Letters like yours (which I wrote many of when my oldest started school) tend to put teachers off.

Perhaps a short note outling the basic issues but save the details for the meeting would be a compromise.

Also- TV in the classroom- that is horrid.

I’ve been down your road and hope our experience may be helpful.

34

I agree, you shouldn’t send that letter. Your concerns about your daughter are mixed up with commentary about the curriculum, your politics, your beliefs about learning, and pointed references to money (which will make her think you’re a jerk).

You should go in and talk to the teacher face-to-face about Sophie’s regressions. They could be normal. They could be due to the schoolwork. Or they could be due to a problem with Sophie. Getting a letter like this will make her defensive, though, because it strongly indicates that you have already decided to blame the school without considering other possibilities. You will not have a good meeting with the teacher if you send this.

Any concerns you have about the curriculum, teaching methods, etc. should be saved for people who actually have the power to change those things. I doubt the teacher is in control of those things, so confronting her over them will only make her feel embattled and annoyed with you. Who actually develops the curriculum for kindergarten? Write them a letter about your views on TV, phonics, etc.

You also seem to have a very rigid idea about how people learn–that they can’t learn from TV, must learn from books, and must have 100% retention of the material presented after one exposure. First, the “experiments” you have performed are not at all scientific, and are therefore meaningless in determining the efficacy of TV as a teaching tool. Second, are you not aware that it is generally accepted (as a result of scientific research and educational observation) that there are at least three or four different “learning styles,” and that while some people learn better from visual materials, others learn better from listening, while others learn better from physical interaction, etc.? In other words, some people will learn well from TV, and others not. Third, are you aware that research into the brain and memory tells us that it is physically impossible to read a book or watch a TV program once and retain every fact therein?

I think your preconceptions are getting in the way of discovering what is actually going on with your daughter.

35

I have to go with Leafan on this one. If you write a note at all, write one requesting a meeting. The money thing is a non-issue. If you want to pay for school that’s your business. Nobody is twisting your arm - certainly not the teacher.

I am of two opinions on this one: many of us send our kids off to kindergarten thinking we have little geniuses only to find that they regress because of the change of environment and all the stressors that come with it. You don’t need a bully or a mean teacher to be stressed about something new like this. Also, being taught simple words and number facts at home is not the same as learning them in school. We may like to think that our little ones know these things when they really know them only in the specific setting of discussing them with mom or dad.

On the other hand, it does sound like she’s not getting it and in a way that has nothing to do with the teacher. But, then again, in my day we didn’t even try to read till first grade. I have a third grader so I know times have changed, but it’s not like my little Einstein did much reading in kindergarten.

BTW, I think occasional TV in the classroom is great. Daily, not so much. I am 44 years old and watched TV in the classroom in elementary school on occasion. It’s not a new idea.

If you feel you must put something in writing, put a summary of your meeting with the teacher in writing in a way such as this:

Dear Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher,

Thank you for meeting with my wife and me on 12/3/07 to discuss Sophia’s progress . I appreciated learning that she does, in fact, sound out words in class, with an above average success rate. I was concerned to know that she does not seem to enjoy numbers and tends to rush through any work in which she must count. It was most gratifying to learn that she is on par with about half the children in the class. However, I can not deny that her academic skills seemed sharper a year ago. We will be having her vision checked. If this does not yield a possible answer, we shall pursue further screening. And, as discussed, we would like to be in regular contact with your about Sophia’s progress as well.

CC to principal and superintendent.

That way you have a record.

36

Irrespective of the mechanics of regression, the letter is FAR too long. It’s probably four times longer than it needs to be. You need to say you’re concerned about her regression, have doubts about the method of using TV, and ask for an interview. That should not take that long to say.

A formal business letter, and that’s what this is, that leads into a meeting should:

  1. State what you want,
  2. State the concerns that make you want it, while leaving the bulk of the details to be talked to,
  3. Establish the action to be taken next, and
  4. Omit anything else.

I’d also point out that “reading and literacy” are not “anti-TV,” unless you are actually reading books called “TV Is Bad” or some such thing. Hey, you’re being picky, expect a picky parsing of your letter. :slight_smile:

I’d generally caution against taking an aggressive, challenging tone. Your letter states as complaints a number of claims that are in fact debatable. English is not entirely phonetic, but in fact makes great use of symbology (punctuation, you see) and non-phonetic spellings; your claim that TV is useless as an instructional tool is hotly disputed; your position on whole language instruction does not appear to be informed by much beyond your own personal experiences.

You may be right on on those things, of course; I don’t know. But that’s my point; you don’t necessarily know, either. But I would suggest that asking questions and gathering more information is probably a better initial approach before making up your mind. A professional educator may, in fact, know some things you do not, and commencing the discussion by assuming they are in error is probably not the most productive approach possible.

State your concern, state your desired next step. I would rewrite your letter as follows:

37

Great intro! Not so great everything else.

For one, cut down the whole latter part about how you would teach kindergarten if you were teaching kindergarten. It makes you sound like a douche, especially since you never say something like “this is better because.” I know you did this probably out of concern for style, but the only thing you say is “I think this is good, my husband thinks that” implying that whatever you have a preference for is what she should be doing. Taken literally, it’s seriously douchy. Especially when you explain that the reason your husband likes phonics is that’s the way people taught him. Real cool, unbiased reasoning there.

Anyway, also, don’t forget that a possible reason your child looks like she’s stupid is that she just doesn’t want to deal with you trying to teach her. Or that you make her so nervous she forgets everything.

38

Take this post to heart.

39

My first inclination would be to wonder if such regression is normal–and temporary. I certainly observed it in my son’s infancy, and I noticed it (to a lesser degree) sometimes when he started school.

It sounds like your daughter was advanced for her age and ahead of many of her peers. Now perhaps she is focusing on other areas of growth, and while that happens she’s “regressing” a bit back towards normal–but she might bounce right back given some time. I don’t know if this is normal The teacher might.

Anyway, as for the letter… to be honest, I’m not for it. You express concern about not sandbagging her at the conference, but I fear you might inadvertently spoil the atmosphere of the meeting. Even though you have written your letter carefully and politely, there is a fine line between seeming like an observant, involved parent and seeming like parents who are excessively worried about early achievement. It’s hard to know how to avoid crossing that line, especially with a teacher you don’t know well. The way the letter launches into it (and lays out your daughter’s achievements before she entered the teacher’s class), could come off as confrontational. Your examples were likely chosen to be specific and helpful, but they also could suggest you’re the kind of hard-driving, hard-to-please parents who subject their child to regular intensive drills to monitor intellectual progress. I don’t think it will work in your favor if the teacher concludes you’re that kind of parent. Some of the other letter comes off as haughty, as well. You’re criticizing methods before ever hearing from the teacher the pedagogical justifications as to why they may have been chosen. I think that’s a bad move.

My advice is to go to the conference sans pre-emptive letter. Let the teacher share with you her observations about your daughter, and find some common ground. Then bring up these concerns when she asks if you have questions. I don’t think you’ll be sandbagging her, particularly if you have an open mind and present yourself as a loving, observant parent who wants the teacher’s professional, experienced opinion. Perhaps the teacher will have a reassuring answer for you. If not, then I think that’s the time to ask for a second meeting to address those issues specifically.

40

Okay, former 4th grade teacher here - lifetime cert in PK-6, self-contained.

The sentiment and concern in the letter are valid but it is absolutely the wrong approach. As Leaffan has stated, your best bet is to talk to the teacher. She’s a human being, and is going to be far more responsive if you schedule a meeting and express your concerns face to face. A letter written to someone whom you can access easily comes off as quite threatening. Especially if you copy others (principal, superintendent). In a teacher’s mind, letters are how administrators and agencies discipline us. A couple of notes like that, and you’ll find yourself the topic of lounge conversations…

If you are interested in partnering with the teacher in your child’s education, take the time to converse face-to-face to those responsible for the process.

It’s not uncommon for kids to seemingly regress when they’re in a new environment - not dismissing your concerns, but just letting you know that there isn’t something necessarily wrong. IvoryTowerDenizen’s and Q.N. Jones’ posts make the points I would make.

Is there a way you can spend a little time in the classroom or school? Starting the conversation with observations and inquiring how your child is doing, from the teacher’s view, would be a much more productive way of pursuing the issue. I think your concern is commendable; it’s the approach with which I have an issue.