This is something I wrote for my schools april fools issue of our newspaper. I think it’s grrrrrr-eat! So, everyone, enjoy!
America Celebrates Century Under Rule Of Mole People -
WASHINGTON D.C. - Today is our one-hundredth year anniversary under the rule of the vicious mole people who arose from the Earth’s fiery depths! President AAAARGHIWILLEATYOUNOWROARRRR has decreed that the humans will soon be allowed to return to the surface of the planet and live amongst them.
As you know, our Mole brethren, standing 13 feet tall with a lustrous brown fur and fangs as big as our heads, have been in control of our country ever since they arose from the soil to destroy each and every country radio station. Our president at the time, George “Dubya” Bush, welcomed the mole people, and even made a few cabinet members. Bush, however, played Garth Brooks’ latest album, thus causing the thirty-year period known only to us now as “The Slaughter.”
Since this time, the human race has been living off the sustenance provided by the mole people, which at first did not provide well, until the humans took up cannibalism. This created a large influx of food, and fewer people to share it with. Life hasn’t been easy in the subterranean caverns. The human race has degenerated into slave drones working underneath the moles Super Luxury Casino! There, they’ve been working as janitors, shoe salesmen, and pizza delivery people.
The first person to be formally welcomed will be the still-living head of Brittany Spears, followed shortly by her body. People also to be welcomed include Louie Anderson, Bob Barker, Adam Sandler, the Muppets, and a dog that responds to the name Woofers. Festivities will include Bobbing For Apples, Story-Telling, Drinking The Blood Of The Dead, and an open salad bar.
That’s pretty darn funny Tot. All I can say is, “No thanks. I already have a penquin.” 