You knew when you hired me 4 months ago that I had many but not all of the skills you were looking for but agreed that I could learn what was needed. You knew and still know, that my 12 years with my previous employer indicated a high likelyhood of skill and competence at my job. You also knew, or at least you should have, that there would be a learning curve but I would be worth it.
You knew I would be asking questions and require some aid here and there at first. So why is it, when I ask a legitimate question about the software or the data model or standards and procedures, I get an eye roll and laughter? Why is it when I ask a legitimate question I get written up as not meeting expectations? Why are you behaving in such a manner that I’m completely cowed about asking questions? Then, when I make some error I’m written up for not asking questions.
What the HELL am I supposed to do? Ask questions so that I can do my job properly, then be accused of requiring too much assistance? Or remain silent, make mistakes, and be accused of not asking enough FRIGGING questions.
And if I try to escape from between this rock and hard place - if I try to short-circuit this vicious cycle and avoid the whole mess by keeping the manager out of it and asking a question of one of my amiable co-workers WELL GOD FORBID I should do that! You heard I was asking questions about the work, and you’ve told me that from now on only YOU and one other designated co-worker should be asked questions. This is not because I’m annoying others. My co-workers and I enjoy each others’ company and in this kind of technical work people constantly exchange questions and feedback about the work. No, this is about you knowing if I’m asking questions (you admitted this), probably so you can write me up if I am asking, and write me up if I’m not.
And now the latest complaint is that I’m not retaining information! Well no SHIT SHERLOCK! It’s a wonder I can even bring myself to enter that toxic environment everyday let alone concentrate and retain information. Let alone be able to concentrate and memorize the monster data model that you wanted me to become an expert on in a few months time (even though you know I’ve never before worked with data models). I’m talking about a huge model that takes up a wall and a half of my cube (it literally wraps around the corner and takes up another half wall.)
I’m afraid to ask questions. I’m afraid NOT to ask questions. I’m almost frigging afraid to FUCKING breathe around you.
I have to go back again tomorrow. I need the money and I NEED the health benefits. Sigh…