I am new to this forum but I have been lurking about reading and enjoying the threads without having anything intelligent to contribute. So I thought I would speak up and tell what has been on my mind for a while now.
I am Canadian and have been living in the UK for nearly 10 years. I have enjoyed my life here, had many opportunities I could not have experienced otherwise and made many new friends. But now I think it is time to go home. Although I prefer the lifestyle in the Uk I miss my family and that is what is calling me home. I have been more successful here both professionally and financially so I am finding it a bit scary making the change. To be honest, I wish I could bring my family here, but that’s obviously not going to happen. The adventure is coming to an end, it’s time to go home.
My biggest concern however is that I am still in love with my ex-wife who lives in Canada. I never got over her. We have been divorced for over 10 years and our children are all grown and on their own. I have had a few relationships in that time but it never worked - the song “2 out of 3 ain’t bad” comes to mind. She has had a few herself that didn’t last and we are both single now. I take the blame for the divorce - I worked too much and was away too long. I spent a lot of time with her last Christmas when I was over there and had a fantastic time together. I have told her how I felt, she was receptive to it but then I got on a plane and came back here the next day. We have kept in touch sporadically since and it’s all been very positive but I didn’t want to push her as it all seems quite bizarre and weird perhaps and I’m sure a bit scary for her.
So this is going back times 2. Any thoughts, concerns or ideas?
I’ve done the expatriate thing, and it is bittersweet. The life experiences, the differences in perspective, the chance to really learn another language (well, just a different accent in your case) … those are all great. However, where ever I am, I miss aspects of the other place and I miss the friends I have there. On balance though, I’m glad I did it.
As far as getting back together with your ex … I don’t know. That’s really a different question, isn’t it? Personally, I say go for it. You might get your heart broken, but if you’re not willing to risk that, you’ll never find love anyway.
Life’s too short, take your shot. You must know people make all kinds of crazy relationships work. Ask anyone their story, you’ll likely as not hear some version of, 'It maybe wouldn’t work for everybody, but it works for us!"
You are surely both different people now, than ten years ago. Maybe it wasn’t that you weren’t right for each other, so much as it was, not the right time. Maybe now is the right time.
My advice is: Agree now on an exit strategy. Lay it out, either party, any time, must simply own, "Maybe this was a mistake. Let’s just part friends!’, honest and adult, no questions asked, everybody shakes it off and moves along.
Once you’ve had that conversation, enjoy yourselves. Life’s a ride, just ride the ride, knowing it may not last forever. And Good Luck!
Thank you both for your feedback. Maybe it’s not so crazy.
I like your advice, good to have a way out if it’s not working.
I should add that I have not been pining for her all these years, but I always felt there was something missing in my life, and in the past year or so I have come to realize what it was. I’m sure there will be people who think it is absolutely mad but I have to go with what is in my heart.