March 2008: I moved to Buenos Aires for postgraduates studies and for a new job. My girlfriend was meant to follow me a couple of months later. She was the love of my life but we weren’t meant to be… three months later she was my ex.
December 2008: Someone tells me she has a new boyfriend and I am devastated. I don’t know if it was pride or if I had some lingering feelings for her but the fact is I was miserable for a couple of weeks.
September 2009: I find out she is marrying next month and I am miserable all over again.
I am happy for her, I truly loved her and I wish she is happy. On the other, she wasn´t only my girlfriend but my confident and my friend. But the last time I saw her was in march of 2008 and the last time I spoke with her was in may 2008 (we exchanged emails). I’ve lost her for ever.
I know I am being irrational, that she will be happy and that I will find another girl.
But the fact is that I am still “not over” her and that in this year and a half I haven´t found anyone. I am dating someone but the feelings are not the same.
I am 29 so I should know better but still, please tell me it will be alright.
It will be all right. Is there any way for you to get closure with her? Can you send her a note, wishing her well and thereby saying good bye to her? Contacting her to rehash your relationship probably won’t work by now… Good luck. It hurts. 
I sent her an email to congratulate her and her answer was pretty cold “Thanks. Very kind of you, regards”.
We exchanged mails before. I sent her one when I found out she had a boyfriend. I told her that I always thought that we would be a couple again but that it wasn’t meant to be, that I wanted her to forgive me for any pain I caused, that I hoped that we could remain friends, etc.
Her answer was beautifull, she told me that I could always count on her, etc…
But we’ve drifted apart. I know its natural but it hurts.
Dude, it’s been a year. Quit being a whiny baby and start enjoying life.
Life is too short and no woman on the entire planet has ever been attracted to the vibe you’re giving off.
It will be alright as soon as you decide to make it alright.
How long were you together before you moved?
Sounds like you feel sort of how I felt after losing my 5-year GF back in 1994. I was 24. It felt horrible losing her and felt worse to know she was with someone else. I was in a funk for a year, questioning myself and the thought of my being with other people didn’t sit right. I tried dating, but it wasn’t the same.
I eventually moved on by thinking about myself and only myself for some time. I thought about what I want and who I am. At the time, I wanted to explore a bit and find myself in some way. I drove across the US by myself for an adventure and returned more confident and invigorated. This was about 1996-97.
As I finished up my schooling, I continued with more adventures, into Mexico, Yosemite, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, etc. with my friends. I made some new friends and got out and was social. I exercised a lot. I slept around for the hell of it, shunning anything that even smelled like a relationship. 1998-99.
Eventually, my old GF faded from memory, and partying and sleeping around got a bit old and tired. I was ready for another relationship. A little while later, I dated and found myself in love with someone new. We got engaged, but that fell apart. 1999-2000.
I moved out of town. I dated for a while ASAP in an effort to “force” myself to get over it. To some extent, it worked, and I found myself in another serious relationship… or so I thought. Turned out to be a rebound for both of us with some serious infatuation that we probably mistook for love. 2001.
Then, I moved out from roommates and lived on my own for a while. I found myself again, dated some more, and then found myself in another relationship. We took our time. 2002-2004.
Engaged, 2004-2005.
Happily married, 2005-present with a child on the way. I’m now age 39.
This was my recipe: Go discover yourself. Live alone for a while, but have friends. Go on an adventure if that’s what you like. Date some people and sleep around. Get some exercise. Clear your head and recharge your spirit.
At the time, I thought 2004 was the end of the world, but I was oh so wrong.
Dating someone else and even loving someone else will not be the same. Don’t expect it to be… but different doesn’t mean less or worse.
Almost 3 years.
My ex got re-married 2 or 3 weeks ago. I’m glad she found someone she likes enough to marry. I bought them a wedding present.
Honestly, I don’t understand why people stay in contact with their exes (if there are no kids involved).
She is a closed chapter in your life. Turn the page and move on. Stop with the e-mails already. There is no reason for this person to be a part of your life anymore.
29 ain’t over the hill. Get out there and live your life and stop defining it in terms of a dead relationship.
It will be all right. Follow Shakespeare’s advice and allow yourself to examine other beauties. Mooning after a lost love is good for maudlin poetry and not much else. Respect yourself and live!
Yes. Cutting ties is important. Completely.
It is easily done ,just pick anyone and pretend that you never have met.
According to Dylan that is the way. But warts disappear with distance. If she got wrapped up with someone else so thoroughly and quickly, she did not share what you had. She is history. There will be a lot more along the way. Don’t overvalue a dead relationship. There is no payoff but pain.
Really - she’s just a woman. There are plenty of them.
1994, not 2004. :smack:
There’s yer answer right there, bro.
Thank you all for your comments. I’ll be better soon.
I know it probably seems like the end of the world right now,we’ve all been there and it sucks, but just give it time, you’ll be fine. Don’t expect the feelings to be the same right away, it’s unrealistic. Plus, you’re in Buenos Aires. Hell, ya can’t walk two feet without bumping into some of the most astonishingly beautiful women in the world, in this man’s humble opinion. Being married there is like bringing sand to the beach! Relax, have fun, roll with it.
Actually I bumped into a beautiful redhead today. I won’t say I’m fine and all that but I am certainly better.
There you go. The best defense is a good offense.