A Melancholy MMP

One year ago today…

I got a phone call at 5 in the morning. One of my sisters was letting me know that my dad found my mom not breathing. I was totally frozen for several hours. I kept getting updates until 9 when the doctors decided the resucitation wouldn’t work anymore. I wasn’t even sure I could get down for the funeral until one of my friends gave me gas money. (This was right in the middle of the worst part of my financial crisis last year.) I got down there, though, and stayed with my dad for a few days to help him out.

This wasn’t as unexpected as the above might make it seem. My mom had been getting steadily worse for about seven years. I didn’t know until I saw the obituary that she had early-onset Alzheimer’s (she was 59 when she died). I didn’t equate my oldest sister’s proclamation of dementia with Alzheimer’s but they seem to be similar.

Anyway, after the private burial service and the slightly less private memorial service at the church, everybody went home but me. I was talking with my dad in the dining room office about all the little poems my mom used to write. She would write them on little bits of paper and shove them in whatever she was reading at the time. I said, “We’ll probably be finding those things for years” as I opened an old blank book. Lo and behold, there were several of them tucked inside. Here’s one of them:

February Spring
SpazMom, 2-14-1990
All around us green is showin’—
Hyacinth and crocus glowin’.
Lots and lots of daffodillies,
Gee, I’m getting giddy-chillies!
Spring has sprung and all that stuff
Just can’t seem to get enough

Here’s the one my oldest sister read at the end of the eulogy. It was written to my aunt after she had broken her wrist slipping on some ice. My mom slipped on some ice and broke her leg in 1984. I know this because I was home at the time. Anyway, poem:

Oooo That Smarts
SpazMom, date unknown
So sorry to hear
That you fell on your rear
Bruising your wrist and your pride.
When the weather is icy
The footing gets dicey–
Gotta watch when you venture outside.
But soon lots of clover
Will pop up all over.
So on ice you no longer will slide.
I’m a great one to talk
Of falls on the walk
For I also have bruised my behind.

My condolences on the loss of your mum. Mine was only 63 when she died; I would have hoped for 20 more years of her. 59–wow.

It gets easier as time goes on, but I still miss my mum. I baked my first apple pie this year–and she wasn’t around to tell me her secret to pastry. I wish I’d tried to bake a pie long before she died. My mum made the Best Pastry Ever, was addicted to news and loved to argue politics, smoked like a chimney, and bought the best Christmas presents. She wasn’t much for housecleaning, figuring there were far more important and interesting things to do with her time. She was a night owl–and that’s when she’d get into the cleaning mood. She’d mop the floors at 1:00 a.m., or be doing some project late into the night, with CNN on for company. She wasn’t a perfect mother, but that’s okay–I wasn’t a perfect daughter.

I inherited her laugh, her boobs, and a few other traits. She taught me that anything cooked from scratch tastes the best and reading for pleasure will give you far more in life than simply pleasure.

Awww, {{{Spaz}}} Your mom sounds like she was a sweetheart, what cute little poems! Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease for everyone but the one who has it, but your mom was terribly young to go that way. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope it gets easier for you in time.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when my mom passes, I try very VERY hard not to think about it. She taught me how to cook, how not to be bitter about bad things that happen, how to sing silly songs, how to obedience train a dog–well, a million things, really. Then I taught those same things to my kids, who’ve passed some of them along to my grandchild. Isn’t it nice how some things never die?

I’m glad I didn’t get her boobs, though, because mine are nicer… :smiley: She still has killer legs for an old broad, though, and so do all three of her daughters!

{{{Spaz}}} Losing your mother so young (and I think 59 is way too young) must have been really hard. It must be bitter-sweet to find little reminders of her in unexpected places. Your Mom’s poetry provides a glimpse into her heart and soul - she sounds like she was a fun person to know and be around and you must miss her dearly.

Spaz, thank you for sharing your mom’s sense of humor. She sounds like a wonderful lady, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I know the pain of losing someone you love. It never really goes away, but it does get easier.

I like SpazMom’s poetry :slight_smile:

I could have written this post! Even down to the boobs and legs part. :smiley:

Thanks for sharing, Spaz. Your mom’s poems are cute.

Oh, and sorry for slacking. :: repentant kiss for Roo :: I’m too busy working nowadays to think about much. I still am looking forward to going back to the US ASAP. Things with The Guy are fine as well; we talk almost every day. I’m still worried about how I’m going to deal with my family, but I suppose it’ll work out in the end. Somehow.

We have practice tests today in class, which means less teaching for me. Yay!

Hi again!

picu, how was Oregon?

::waves to Haze and Nava:: Hi there, other Night Shift workers!!! :smiley:

Heya, Dotty!

I’m trying to be better about my nightshift duties, as you can see. :slight_smile: It’s easier on Mondays because I only have one class. I spent my extra time shopping and bought a frilly pink blouse that I can wear to work. My mom has plenty of teacherly clothes but her waist is also two inches slimmer than mine. Grumble.

**Spaz **-- So sorry for your loss. 59 is way too young to lose your mother :frowning: For that matter, so is 69. Had she not passed away last year, my mother would be 70 a week from today… It’s never easy, but you do get on with your life.

::Waves to Dotty, **Nava **and Haze:: Am I late for the night shift? :o :eek:

**Haze **and **Aleq **-- (you didn’t think you’d get away with it, did you…?) – cites??? :smiley:

Hey Nooner, better late than never! :wink:

Haze, it sucks when your mother is slimmer than you, huh? I tend to grumble when I realise my mother is a couple of sizes smaller than me, but then she hasn’t given birth in the last couple years, and she is also a bit of a food nazi - Queen of the Weight Watchers, Supreme Ruler of the Kitchen and Empress of Portion Control! I just wish I had her willpower!

Haze – just wanted to add: We’ve seen your pictures… Your mother is slimmer than you are!? I think a force-feeding regimen might be in order…

Noone, surely I’ve posted enough pics for you to make up your mind on this. :stuck_out_tongue:

Dotty - my mom is just one of those people that are always skinny. She is a health nut, but she doesn’t fuss about portions and such. She just nags me about vegetables and tofu. (She’s also been physically weak most of her life, which is probably why she is the way she is.)

I take after her to a certain extent - I am probably skinnier than I should be, considering my eating habits. :smiley: I’m definitely more filled out than she is, though. (I thank God I inherited her skin and her legs, at any rate.)

ETA: yeah, Noone, I’m the “fatty” in my family, unfortunately. You should see my aunts and my cousins!

Morning all! Great OP, SpazCat, but that’s far too young to lose your mother. Mine is still going strong at the age of 73 and is busy planning for her 75th birthday party in 2009. My father died at the age of 55, even though it was now 23 years ago we still miss him a lot. Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out if he’d lived, and how our lives would have been different with him still around. At least mum could have nagged him instead of the rest of us!

I had a fab few days in Budapest last week, and then came back to a meal out in a lovely little Italian restaurant called Caffe Paradiso to celebrate the end of our language course. Then on Saturday I was at a wedding reception for a couple of friends which was held in a hotel about 45mins drive from home. That was a fun night out, caught up with some friends I’ve not seen for quite a while. Sunday was spent recovering, and collecting the cats who’ve been on a little holiday of their own staying with a friend of ours for the week.

Now it’s back to work and first thing this morning I had to take my car to the garage for an annual service and an MoT as the current one expires on Saturday. So far it’s going to cost me about £500 as it is also due a brakes and aircon service, plus the front suspension bushes need to be replaced. It’s a good job the car’s cost me relatively little in repairs since I first got it, otherwise I’d be cursing!

Pie - I missed the chance to contribute to your thread about TVMan but to be honest, I’d have dumped him long ago. But that’s just me.

I’m a scientist – there’s no such think as “too much data” :smiley:

You misspelled “luckily” :slight_smile: There really is such a thing as “too skinny” too be really attractive, IMHO.

Actually I think you were fishing for a compliment here. Hook, line, sinker :slight_smile:

Morning all - up and caffeinating here. Monday … grumbles bah!

Very sweet tribute to your Mom, Spaz; even though finding her poems might be bittersweet, it’s a little piece of her that you’ll still have to discover.


{{{Spaz}}} 59 is awfully young. My next door neighbor has early onset AD and is 61. It’s sad to see what it’s done to him. I lost my father four years ago due to AD. Yeah, it’s always some other thing that does people with AD in but it always links back to AD because before onset most people I’ve ever known with it were perfectly healthy. My mom is 79. She went on her third cruise in May (she took care of dad for ten years) and is plannin’ a Fall trip somewhere. She and her friends are still in the discussion stage as to where but the when is decided. :smiley:

So, I’m up and caffienatin’ but I’m sleepified cause even though I zonked once I went to bed I still don’t feel like I got enough sleep. I got a feelin’ it will be a looooooooong day!

Good Night night shift!

Good Mornin’ day shift!

Later Y’all!

{{{Spaz}}} It does get easier to talk about it, then it gets harder again for a while, then it just is.
momrose was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1989 and it was pretty well established at that point. She was given two years and that’s exactly how long it took. I still miss her.

Lovely post, Spaz.

What wonderful poetry- she must have been a delightful person!

ETA: status report- make breakfasts and lunches ( :slight_smile: ) get the kids to camp and then round two of packing up my office. Still feel rather crummy, though. Roo- keep the gas mask on!

Lunch– “data collection”, huh? :dubious: Purely scientific interest, I’m sure… :slight_smile: