I have a few co-workers that think (sadly) that JJ’s is fantastic. I think it’s the worst fucking food on earth (and I’ve eaten at Hardee’s.) I don’t think it’s disgusting, just aesthetically indefensible. Let’s discuss:
Every sandwich at JJ’s tastes completely the same. Look, put a gun to my head. Blindfold me. Put a JJ’s roast beef sub next to a JJ’s turkey sub. Make me taste both, and try to figure out which is which. My life is at stake. But I’ll probably fail. Because every fucking sandwich at Jimmy John’s tastes exactly alike. It’s all overly doughy bread, cardboard lettuce and too much mayo. That’s the Jimmy John’s flavor. It’s lazy, bland and worthless.
The above wouldn’t be such a complaint if it didn’t cost so fucking much. I get the above, chips and a soda. I’m running $8-$10 (at least in the Chicago Burbs). What burns me so badly is that I could go to:
2A) A local sandwich shop. And we have maybe the best one in all the midwest - Algonquin Sub Shop. Disregard the completely shitty web page. These are the best gourmet sub sandwiches in the entire Midwest - And they charge like a dollar less for the best fucking sandwich I’ve ever had in my life.
2B) I could go to even a mediocre chain - say Chipotle - and still have a far better experience. Chipotle has 4 flavors. Chicken, Steak, Carnitas, Barbacoa. Sure they modify them a bit with the salsas - a basic pico de gallo, green chile, corn and red chile salsa - but even this corporate creation manages to beat (by at least 4x!) the flavor options offered by your neighborhood JJ’s.
The soundtrack. Every Jimmy John’s I’ve ever been in has blared the same bullshit early 90s garbage. Maybe that’s their target demographic. But fuck, I’m blocking out Soul Asylum for a reason. I was only a child. Please don’t make me relive it.
The “manifesto” In every JJ’s i’ve ever been in, they all have the same glurgy “manifesto” posted on the wall like they’re some sort of corporate prophet… You could probably find it with a google seach. Here’s the gist:
“A simple Mexican fisherman meets an American businessman.”
"Said fisherman asks, “why are you a businessman?”
"Businessman replies, “so I can retire, spend my life on the beach fishing, in the sun”
"Fisherman replies, “LOL I DO THAT ALREADY NUB”
It’s the laziest fucking life statement I’ve ever heard. Anyone who actually wanted the life of the poor fisherman could have it, if they realy wanted. It’s a god-damned Hallmark condolence card for worthless middle managers.
I know the awfulness of McDonald’s, I know the awfulness of Wal-Mart. But it might be Jimmy John’s that offends me the most.
I hate them because their delivery area here is ridiculous. There are three in my town, and the closest one to me is less than a mile away as the crow flies; they don’t deliver to my apt. complex. I know they pride themselves on fast delivery, but I wonder if they actually know how fucking close I am to their store. And, as you said, their subs aren’t all that great for the money. Their main draw for me was (before I found out they didn’t deliver to my home) was that I could order sandwiches in.
Holy God, that is such a simple, yet eloquent and accurate summary of the sandwiches’ flavour. Doughy bread and mayonnaise. That doesn’t stop me from eating them sometimes at 3AM after I’ve been out drinking, but they’re definitely mediocre.
Also what the fuck is with the fact that they only have ONE kind of cheese? What in the fuck is this? A goddamn sandwich shoppe that serves nothing but sandwiches had better at least have a good variety of pre-sliced toppings for the goddamn sandwich, which includes cheese. All they have is goddamn provolone! What if I want cheddar? Colby? Pepperjack? NOPE. Provolone only.
Their sandwiches are okay most of the time, and occasionally pretty damn good. I mainly order from them because they deliver to my office and they aren’t any more expensive than anything else close enough to work. They’re certainly better than Burger King or Subway, which are my closest alternatives.
They’re so fucking inconsistent, though. I generally order the same sandwich but sometimes there’s no oil or seasonings, sometimes there’s a shitload of mayo or they’ll leave out one of the main meat ingredients. One day “E-Z lettuce” had just as much or more lettuce than when I’d mistakenly order that part normal. If you want it cut in half they might do it, if you’re lucky. Some co-workers and I ordered and we got an extra sandwich, then the next time I ordered they forgot my chips.
If you order online (and I generally do) they’ll give you a specific time they’re shooting for, but they might arrive 30 minutes earlier than that or 30 minutes late. Who knows? The lack of cheese options is completely absurd.
shrug Eh. It’s better than Subway, to me. The mere smell of Subway makes me want to vomit. But I guess saying it’s better than Subway is damning with faint praise, ain’t it?
The best sub in the Chicago area, though, comes from Bari on Grand.
The most annoying thing about Jimmy John’s is that, unlike Subway or Quizno’s or Jersey Mike’s, they have evangelist fans who will not shut up about how awesome these generic chain sandwiches are and will make you eat there if you socialize with them.
Ooo. I gotta try that. I grab a Jimmy John’s veggie sub now and then. If you hold the mayo it’s pretty darned close to healthy. So boring, though, you’re right. It’s by the train station, it’s cheap, it’s reasonably healthy compared to the other options available if I’m hungry right then.
The music’s too loud in there - if I can hear it clearly over my iPod, and a lot of times I’m playing metal, then it’s too loud. I do hate the canned signage, too.
The only other level of rabid fan-ness I’ve seen about sandwiches is for Potbelly, but at least theirs have a lot more variety.
I don’t order sandwiches - for what they provide, I can walk two blocks to the local supermarket and grab some ingredients.
I’m confused about the comparisons to Subway. It’s not the fanciest thing in the world - they do one, simple thing - but I;ve never seen stale bread, bad cheese or meat, or browned vegetables there. I won’t claim it’s fantastic food, but it gets the job done and tastes pretty good to me, and they are pretty consistent.
Maybe it’s just some people’s Subway local operators aren’t very good?
Jimmy John’s has evangelist fans? I have never experienced this. I’ve gotten more of a fanboy feel from Potbell and Quizno’s adherents, but even there, nothing resembling evangelizing.
Oh, dude, forgot about Jersey Mike’s. Jersey Mike’s is AWESOME. Jesus, I wish I could get some for lunch today. Thing is, unlike Jimmy John’s, they don’t deliver. And they’re way out of my way, and there’s always a long line. Because they’re so awesome.
I like 'em. They’re not the best sandwich in the world, but they’re better then most of the other chains that are in walking distance and if nothing else, they’re fast, I usually go there if I’m to lazy to bring in lunch but don’t want to spend an hour going out to eat. Even compared to other fast food places, JJ, seems to be able to churn out food in record time.
I suspect its because literally the only thing they serve is cold Sandwiches. No messing around with toaster ovens or waiting for the next batch of fries to finish.
Quizno’s tastes better, but if you go there during the lunch rush, you’re standing in line for 30 minutes.