It started off as a peaceful happy day for my pants. They knew I was going to work this morning, so they hung expectantly on the hanger. I put them on. Call me crazy, but I think they were even slightly warmer than normal. They fit well. No wrinkling. They seemed happy to be on me this morning. But then, the trouble began.
I decided to be nice and start the car warming up for my wife. Little did I know this was the first in a series of steps that my pants would live to regret. While walking past the car, my dog cut me off, forcing me to swerve a little. In the midst of doing so, I brushed against the tire, leaving a tire/grease/dirt stain on the lower portion of my leg. I did not realize this until I was halfway to work.
I only realized that I had sullied my pants when I was reacting to my wife’s coffee that tipped over in the car, scalding my pants and leaving a slightly brownish stain around my knee area. At this point, I would not blame my pants if they hated me. Unfortunately, the panticide was not over.
I was sitting in my office while my pants cowered in shame underneath my desk. I decided to give us all a treat by eating a muffin with a little bit of grape jelly. What’s the worst that could happen, I thought. Apparently, it involve grape jelly falling off the muffin and landing on the crotch of my poor, beleaguered pants.
It is now just after 9 o’clock. My pants have a grey streak on the calf, a brown stain on the knee, and a dark stain on the crotch. Unfortunately, I am having lunch today at an italian restaurant. I fear rebellion from my pants, and I couldn’t blame them in the least.