Dad sees the kids every other weekend and is their biological father. Other guy is a legal stranger who happens to be living with their mom. If the dad wants the kids, no way in hell he’s not getting custody.
And wanting child support too? That guy’s got some balls. And I don’t mean that in a good way.
Only if they are young enough to not be able to decide on their own. If they are 15 and 17, they can probably stay with the bf if the bf is willing to take them on.
Not in my jurisdiction.
Kath, go grow a pair.
Of what?
If the kids are so close to SO and so estranged from Bio, Bio shouldn’t be paying CS even now. Either they’re his kids (and there is no question about them going to him as their only living parent) or they’re not.
I don’t know bio-dad. I’ve never met him. I can’t speak to his fitness as a father. I don’t know the boy’s exact ages, but the oldest is driving but still in high school and the youngest is around 13-14. He’s not driving age yet. They are certainly old enough to speak for themselves.
My interest in this is mostly academic. I don’t hang out with them, but I really feel for the situation and would hate to see them go down this road if there is no real hope. More heartache isn’t what the situation needs. They are going to have more to deal with in the next few months than anyone deserves.
I think people are confused about this. The age varies from state to state but at a certain age, usually around 14, a minor child can decide that they wish to live with the non-custodial parent.
They are not allowed to decide to go live with whomever they chose until they become legal adults or emancipated minors.
Also, once a child reaches the age where they may decide to live with the other parent, the change in custody still has to go through the courts. In most cases the child, being a minor, cannot petition the court for this change by themselves. And they can’t testify through one parent because this is treated as hearsay. A third party such as a therapist or state child services may need to get involved.
It is not just a simple, “I want to go live with Dad” thing unless both parents agree. If both parents agree to changes in the original judgement it can be as simple as getting the right forms notarized, signed and fiiled with the state.
Good point. Thank you.
IANAL, but being the kid’s official “step dad” would be better than just being mom’s boyfriend.
They should consult a lawyer as to whether getting married would be helpful.
Also, in my state, the kids over 12 (or 13, I can’t recall) don’t get to “decide” which parent gets full or majority custody, but their opinions do matter substantially. However, my knowledge of this only extended to a simple biological parent split up, not a 3rd party.
Regarding the issue of child support.
The father’s legal obligation to pay child support was part of a civil lawsuit (divorce) filed by the mother against the father. This judgement and the obligation of the father to pay dies when mom does. It is not a case of the father having to pay whoever has the kids. Even if the BF marries mom, he was not a party to the original suit and doesn’t get any money.
In the unlikely event that the kids stay with the boyfriend, BF would have to file a new lawsuit of his own against the father for support.
Dallas Jones is not a lawyer. Dallas Jones is a semi-intelligent tortiseshell cat.
Does anyone know why the state has a vested interest in not letting the custodial parent dictate who custody passes on to at death (which I believe can happen if both parents die), or why someone already deemed to be not worthy of custody would, upon the death of the other parent, suddenly be worthy of custody?
Just because the fathers doesn’t have full custody doesn’t mean he isn’t worthy of custody. Most of the divorced couples I know are both fit to have custody of their kids, but usually one has primary custody and the other has visitation rights. I only know one couple where custody is shared 50/50 and they live in the same neighborhood.
It’s tragic that she’s dying of cancer, but it’s a bit odd/petty/whatever that they are trying to wangle a scenario where the kids are kept in separate household from the bio-dad even after her death. Of course kids want to stay with their friends and schools, it’s only natural, but this may not be possible, and she should be working with the (seemingly responsible) bio dad to effect the transition, not scrambling to see if her boyfriend can keep the kids and keep getting her CS.
Yeah, unless that happens before the mother dies, the SO is highly unlikely to get custody. Under most legal systems, there is a better shot for the kids to go to their grandparents’ than to stay with someone who has no official bonds to them (“lived in the same house for five years” is not an official bond, even if it includes “in the same bed as Mom”).
One of the most important reasons to have marriage and adoption established as legal entities and recorded in writing is to clarify these situations and make the proceedings go faster.
I’m reading this not as odd/petty, but as a panic reaction by a bunch of people who have just gotten terrible news and now are basically in denial: they know she’s going to die, but they want everything else to change as little as possible. Give it a few months after her death and the SO is likely to realize he doesn’t want to raise her kids, fond as he may be of them, and the kids are likely to realize that they would rather be with family. Letting them stay until June (I mean, what’s the damn hurry?) would be merciful, I think.
As far as the CS goes, I imagine the SO can’t afford to keep them if he loses that plus the mom’s income.
And unless bio dad signs away parental rights, that isn’t going to happen. And if he signs away parental rights, there would be no reason for him to pay child support.
Legally, if bio dad wants the kids, he will get the kids.
The thing to do at this point is to sit down all the adults. Dad may understand letting the oldest live with stepdad for his Senior year so he can finish school. He may even understand letting both kids live there for a long time. He might be willing to support them. He has no legal obligation to do any of this, and unless he is an abusive heroin addict, the courts aren’t likely to find differently. The courts may not even let the case come to trial - they may determine that with a living parent, Stepdad has no standing (there is a legal word for that) - after all, my parents can’t sue me for custody of my children - and they are related to my kids. Stepdad could try, I think it would just add more stress to the situation. Bio-dad may also feel that the best place for his children are with him after the loss of their mother - after all, he has known them their entire lives and been involved with them their entire lives and has very likely has relatives who love them and see them, and not a live in boyfriend who never bothered to commit enough to marry their mother and who knows how long has been involved in the family.
There’s no indication that he’s “not worthy of custody”. All we know is that he doesn’t have primary *physical *custody of the kids. There are two kinds of custody in the law: legal custody and physical custody. You can have *legal *custody on equal footing with your ex, which means you need to be informed and have decision making process in equal measure on school, religious instruction, medical care, choice of summer camp, etc., even if you see your kids only once a year because they live with the other parent who has primary, or even sole, *physical *custody.
Legal custody is who has parental rights and responsibilities towards the child. Physical custody is where they spend most of their time. The two don’t have to be split the same percent, and rarely are.
By the way, if I were bio-Dad, I’d be very nervous about letting my kid go with Stepdad. Not because of Stepdad, but because I wouldn’t want my kids to end up with the belief that I didn’t want them after their mother died. Divorced dads often walk a hard line in establishing and keeping a good relationship with their kids - and kids can turn the most generous act - giving up custody and giving space - as a selfish rejection.
I’d be in their lives now as much as I could manage to get them through, show as much affection for their mother as I could, and be generous towards stepdad. And I’d make sure stepdad got to be part of their lives from then on. But I wouldn’t give up custody of my kids.