My next door neighbor was diagnosed with breast cancer Thanksgiving of last year. She’s been fighting a helluva battle, but we were just told today that the cancer has metastasized to her brain and she will likely be gone before the end of the year. She is divorced from her children’s father and receives child support for both of them from her ex. Both of the boys are in their teens. She is in a serious relationship and lives with her SO, but they are not married.
Her SO wants the kids to continue to live with him (and the kids want this also) after her passing and to continue getting child support. Her ex wants full custody and not to pay child support after that point. My question is to the law: how likely is it that her SO will be able to get custody of the kids? I don’t think it’s very likely at all but my husband thinks he has a chance. I think in order for him to have any chance at all, they will need to get married, but even then I think it will be unlikely. I have no idea of the laws involved. Since the kids are both teenagers and can speak for themselves, will their desires be heard and considered?
If the dad has been paying support, making visitation as scheduled and hasn’t murdered a hooker on the nightly news, chances are great that he’ll get the kids.
Now, there are a lot of nuances some judges *may *look at, not the least of which are the teens’ wishes and how far from their home Dad lives. If Dad lives cross country and the teens are going to be yanked from their school and social support system, than SO has a better shot.
But Mom needs to talk to a lawyer now, while she still can.
This is a thread that we suggest be started in IMHO, rather than General Questions. You’re gonna get replies that are opinions, not legal opinions. They quite often are valid and quite good. But, they are from individuals, not legal professionals.
If the kids are old enough then they get to decide. What “old enough” means probably varies but it’s 14 here. If younger, the bio dad gets dibs. If they decide to stay with th bf, I’m not sure how child support will work but I imagine that bio-dad will still have to support them.
Actually I would say it depends. The kids may be more emotionally bonded to the SO than their bio-dad. This isn’t in any way unprecedented. Acting as their pseudo-step-father, he may be more “Dad” to them more than their actual father. It may be more in their best interest to keep them with the person they know best as “dad”, but I can’t imagine the SO would be entitled to any form of child support. That seems absurd. He’s wants to officially be “dad” but expects “father” to pay? That seems legally unlikely.
Is there any real reason why they shouldn’t go live with their father? He sounds like a decent guy, not a deadbeat. I am guessing they just don’t want to be uprooted from where they are living now, which is understandable, but not a reason to deny the father custody.
I cannot imagine that the boyfriend would get custody of another man’s kids. Also, does the boyfriend actually think he should get child support? That’s just crazy.
I’m sure, but I really do want to get answers based on the law, not what someone thinks should happen.
The kids are teenagers. They can speak for themselves. They currently live full time with Mom with every other weekend at bio-dad’s. Does the court take their wants into account or are they irrelevant?
The mother and SO have been together for only 3 years or so. The kids didn’t grow up with him as their father figure.
Bio-dad lives close by, within an hour drive.
In my opinion, the kids should go live with their biological father and the SO should move on with his life after the grief of his loss. I don’t think they should waste any money on a custody fight. It’s a terrible thing to have to deal with and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
WhyNot gave the correct, factual answer way back in the very first response to the OP: “Mom needs to talk to a lawyer now, while she still can.” IMHO, I can’t imagine how the biological father wouldn’t get custody, but a lawyer can advise her better.
If it’s an hour’s drive, they would have to change schools. At the very least, bio-dad ought to man up and allow them to finish the school year in a familiar setting–and if SO needs dad’s support payments to keep the house, dad ought to provide them. Once the school year is over and the sharp edge of grief has dulled, they can reconsider. Basically, if they were my kids I would go out of my way to avoid upsetting their lives any more than had to be.
You are correct. I asked my mother, who worked with Children’s Aid and in family law for 40+ years. She said it would be extremely unlikely for the SO to get custody without the biological father relinquishing his parental rights. She said it can be hard on the kids to be uprooted, but unless the bio-dad is “unfit”, his rights trump a step-father’s, even if he’s married to their mother.
And it’s very possible that he will do this. We don’t know. We haven’t really heard anything about the father except that he pays his child support, sees his kids regularly and lives an hour away.
ETA: I meant it’s possible he will try to keep them in the school for the year. It’s not impossible to pull off. Where I grew up, it took me 45 minutes to get to high school. I do not agree that the boyfriend should have any sort of custody, or receive any payments from the father.