You misconstructed the first person singular.
For $2.89? You’re damn right. Grandma-issima probably gets two or three cents of that, so she can suck it up and go pick me some peppers.
Yeah, picked by itenerate indentured Mexicans. I know all that. But a mushroom is still not a fucking garden vegetable.
Lib, darling, there are these things called “ingredient lists” on the labels of packaged foods. Did you not bring your reading glasses to the store, or what? 
Good old Nanny Gummint went to the trouble of making manufacturers write down on the back of the jar what they put in the food, precisely so you wouldn’t have to rely on the marketing department’s flashy culinary-porn label pictures in order to know what the ingredients are. Might as well take advantage of it!
Look, you’ve already compromised on the definition of “vegetable.” I see no problem with “garden.” Mushrooms are not unheard of in gardens.
2 cans of italian-recipe stewed tomatoes
a few cloves of chopped garlic
a handful of chopped onion
a handful of chopped green olives
a dash of cayenne (optional).
Simmer for 15 minutes.
Pour over noodles with a healthy drizzle of olive oil.
It’s my standby “forgot to go shopping” dish that is far better than any pre-fab sauce.
What, and propogate the tyranny? I say no, sir! Sir, I say no!
I think I want to have eleventy billion of your babies…
A good basic recipe I use is:
1 large can of fire roasted, crushed tomato
half a white onion sauteed with crushed garlic and butter
approx a pound of meat (ground buffalo, ostrich, turkey or beef, all depending on mood and what’s in the freezer)
a splash of a good cabernet or merlot (which one drinks the rest of while cooking and eating)
dashes of whatever spices tickle my fancy that night
dribble liberally over pasta of choice with a side of lightly steamed veggie
all ready in about 30 minutes including prep and yumminess ensues!
I guess this is another example of the difference between me and the rest of the world. I cannot comprehend buying any food without reading the ingredients and nutritional information, while it has recently come to my attention that most people don’t do this at all.
I hereby found the People for the Ethical Treatment of Nasty-Ass Fungus.
PETNAF’s official position on nasty-ass fungus is that it’s OK to stomp on them, and pour anti-fungal agents on them, and burn them with fire (unless you’re attempting to cook them.)
My fiance’s dad has morels that pop up in his back yard in spring, for example. Personally, I say he’s welcome to them. They smell like spooge when you fry them up, and don’t taste any different than they smell.
But I’m ok with the little boring button mushrooms, and I loooove shiitakes. Those things are great.
Battered, pan-fried morels are absolute heaven. That is all.
I have no joke here; I just like saying “virgin olive oil.”
Drive home safely, everyone!
Don’t get me started on Prego spaghetti sauce. Talk about deceptive advertising. Do you realize there’s not even a trace of fetus in it?
Are mushrooms good for you?
I’ll eat an entire carton of those raw. They’re delicious.
Sits in the food philistine section.
Mushroom soup?
And by the way, since we are getting picky and technical on the definitions, please remember that the plural of mushroom is not mushrooms, but mushra. Or is it mushrii?
I am so glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee when I read this or it would have spewed out my nose and all over the monitor.
I assume you’re kidding. As I am even as we speak procrastinating on working on my novel, I am surrounded by dictionaries, and neither the Shorter Oxford nor Merriam-Webster’s notes any non-standard plural. Interestingly, though, there is an archaic variant, mushrump.
I see what you did there. 
Mushy.
(I am a fan of mushrooms, for what it’s worth, and converted my mushroom-averse husband to loving them. However, his father apparently preferred the canned things cooked into rubbery, metallic-tasting oblivion, and so he grew up assuming that all things mushroom must be that same vileness.)
I couldn’t agree more with the OP. Fungi are absolutely disgusting. Actually, it’s probably not so much about the taste (which I’ve only felt by accident when the abominations have been well hidden in a dish), rather the inherent total repugnance of the filthy fungi. The repulsive nature probably stems somewhere from the fact that they are associated with food going bad, which is probably part of why most people also find insects disgusting.
However, I can’t explain the irrationality of not objecting to bread, but there’s just something about mushrooms that trigger the same disgust as eating insects or animal droppings for me. I get the same feeling when seeing mushrooms in the forest while taking a walk in the autumn. They are slimy, nasty and downright evil creatures (yes, they are more like animals than plants).
Please stop ruining perfectly good food with these foul fungi.