We call our Student Health Center the Student Death Center. They don’t think you’re pregnant, but you DO HAVE MONO and we’re gonna STAB YOU AND TAKE YOUR BLOOD hahaha you say you have a sinus infection? NOPE IT’S MONO HERE’S A NEEDLE AND SOME GATORADE! “No just give me some fucking amoxicillin please!” NOPE IT’S MONO WE HAVE TO TAKE YOUR BLOOD!
I hate that place. When I can, I go home and go to the doctor when I have a sinus infection or something.
MerryMagdalen, tell your friend that Planned Parenthood gives out free condoms! Go get an STD test and they’ll give you a whole damned bag of them! My guy friends do it regularly and always have a million condoms. And if you don’t have money, they will GIVE YOU birth control for donation-only price, at least here. So you could give them $5 a month and you’ll get the pill. If she is really too broke to afford the pill, she can still get it there.
My roommate likes to yell at me for not taking the trash out or taking care of the dishes. Hmmm…who unloaded and reloaded/ran the dishwasher last week? Who took the tash out last week? Yeah, me. Who hasn’t unloaded the dishwasher even though all of their funky dishes are in the sink? Who somehow produces huge amounts of trash and stacks it around the trashcan? Yeah you, you whoreface. Quit sitting on MY COUCH and playing flash games with MY TV blaring in the background. I move out in two weeks…yessss.
And I fucking hate finals. So much. Luckily I had two last week, the easy ones, so I only have three to contend with this week - all on Thursday and Friday. But holy shit my study guides are terrifying! I haven’t had many classes with actual cumulative ‘finals’ - we usually just have another unit exam. But my soc prof handed us 10 new essay questions and told us we needed to go back to the previous 4 study guides and know those questions too. So basically, I need to confidently know the answers to 60 essay questions for the final. And we have only been tested on 1/3 of them. My philosophy final is basically all our previous possible paper prompts plus some - we need to know 15 long essays to feel prepared, plus terms and all that which you just have to catch in class if you’re lucky. And my boyfriend went to San Francisco this week for a work conference and even though I’m glad he got to go, great opportunity etc, I miss him and I wish he were here. I’m moving two hours away from here and him in two weeks and it sucks. So I’m basically just blah as hell right now.
It’s a bookswap site. You list the books you’ve read and are done with, and other people ask for them if they want them. You ask for other people’s books, and they send them to you. It’s one of the most pleasant experiences I’ve ever had - my used books go to new homes, and I get other people’s books to read.
You will note, however, that these are used books. Not new. The site has reasonably stringent rules on what qualifies as acceptable conditions for swapping books, so that noone gets crappy filthy books with water damage and pages falling out, but wear and tear is normal for used books. If you happen to have stricter requirements (like no books from smokers) there is an easy interface to enforce your requirements.
So stop getting your pathetic little panties in a twist because I book that I sent you has (gasp!) a ripple in the cover.
You got a book that you wanted to read. For free. Suck it up.
Look, go to the south, now right, that’s left, your right! Dig! Not there, ok now attack. What are you doing? Why don’t you attack? No don’t jump, swing the sword. Geez, would you give me that thing!
(Cut to: My wife yelling at me to go south, then right, that’s left, your right! Dig! Ok, now attack! Why don’t you attack? Don’t jump, swing the sword!)
Why are you still acting like you’re going to break out with some crazy monster zits? It’s been two weeks with these stupid subcutaneous lumps, and I want them gone! Yes, I know I’ve been under a lot of stress and that makes you freak out and go crazy, but I don’t need one more thing to add to my stress.
The toilets at work are cleaned daily. I know this, because the cleaning schedule invariably seems to coincide with my morning break (regardless of what shift I’m on, but that’s another rant entirely), meaning I have to trek to the other side of the building just to pee. But I know they’re cleaned, and they’re cleaned very well.
So why the FUCK do you have to hover over the seat whenever you pee? How many times does it have to be said? These. Seats. Are. CLEAN! Or they were until you with your fucking neuroses came along and decided “Hmm, even though I’ve just seen the cleaner leaving, I don’t believe she’s done an adequate job. So I shall hover and sprinkle my delicate leavings all over this clean white seat”. For Christ’s sake, if you gotta hover, why not lift the seat? It’s not like you’re going to fall in. And at least then you spare the rest of us from having to wipe down your nasty piss each time we want to go and pee.
I’m a regular on a message board for an indie musician, and there’s a guy on there that’s exactly like this - the sort of “psycho protector fan” who feels a weird sense of ownership of the celeb that spills over into a need to constantly “defend” the celeb from the world. It’s seriously creepy after a while.
The other day at work we were complaining of the sprinklings of urine. Turns out the girl next to me claimed responsibility. When we tried to convince her how disgusting that was, she said that everyone else should be hovering anyway, so it doesn’t matter. :rolleyes:
The insidious Invasion of the Killer Apostrophes. I could grimace and bear with it when the vegetable stand put up signs listing the price of “TOMATOE’S” (yes, in quotes – “That’s what we call 'em; you can call 'em love apples for all we care” :dubious: ). I could even tolerate “it’s” as the possessive pronoun/adjective, with only a small shudder. But where, pray tell, did the apostrophe come from in “o’possum” – of which a case resides in the raccoon thread in GQ as we post? The only possible O’Possum in the world is an Australian phalangerid of Irish descent, and you’re not a good enough paleontologist to prove his rotts were in the Auld Sod back in the Paleocene. It’s an opossum – a borrowed, transmogrified Powhatan Indian word. O’Migod, cut it out!!
Please stop parking your old rustbucket monster truck ridiculously close to my brand shiny new Matrix. It wouldn’t be a problem if you parked next to my car if you actually parked within the lines but 3 times now I find your truck on or over the line and in my parking space. One of those times you had your truck pulled in at such an extreme angle (angled into my space) that I had to be very careful backing out so I didn’t hit your truck. Fortunately, my car can manuever but I am really getting sick of the too close parking so cut it out! None of these times were there any other cars in the space on the other side of you, so if you can’t fit in one space then why not invade the unoccupied parking space?
If you think I’m a bitch now, wait til you see what I’m like if you scratch my beloved new car.
Please go away. I don’t mind a visit now and then but you seem to have moved in and made yourself right at home. I don’t have health insurance so going to the doctor is not going to happen right now. I don’t ask for much, but waking up every two hours when I can get to sleep is getting a bit wearing. I’m sure there are some meth addicts you can go live with…
If it’s working hours, WHY AREN’T YOU OPEN? Especially when my friend is visiting from another country and we would LIKE to see the crypt because…hello, it’s a crypt! Who DOESN’T want to see a crypt? No one! BE OPEN WHEN YOUR SIGN SAYS YOU SHOULD BE.
Try earplugs. Since I’ve been wearing them, I not only sleep though the night but actually have dreams that I remember for about five seconds when I wake up. That hasn’t happened since I was on some really good antidepressants several years ago. I didn’t think I had any problem with noise keeping me awake (with the exception of my stupid upstairs neighbor and his buddies hanging out at his place after the bars closed) but it turned out I was wrong. I guess even my own alarm clock ticking and the sound of my refrigerator running in the kitchen were contributing to my wakefulness.
Ear plugs are cheap. I get double value from them by getting the cylindrical kind and cutting them in half so that they’re more comfortable when I lay my head on my pillow. If I think I’m going to have trouble sleeping anyway, I take an over-the-counter sleeping pill, which also helps a great deal. All OTC sleeping pills have the exact same main ingredient so I get the store brand, which is usually the cheapest.
Hope these tips help you, SnakesCatLady.
OK, now on to my mini-rant: Hey, stupid Trident gum chewing person who deposited said gum on the sidewalk. Thanks a lot. I really wanted gum on the sole of my nearly brand new shoe, along with the pine cone it quickly collected and the sand and gravel and general dirt. Yeah, that’s way cool, you farking idiot! Whyn’t you try it yourself?
Oh, by the way, how do I know you were chewing Trident? Because you so thoughtfully extracted the gum from your slobbering slack-jawed cakehole with the wrapper it came in. Then you dropped it on the sidewalk. The wrapper got stuck to my shoe too. I hope the next piece of Trident you chew gets lodged in your esophagus for about 30 to 45 seconds. Maybe that will cause you to rethink chewing gum at all and no one else with have to deal with your end result.
Hope that’s not too harsh for a mini-rant. Sorry if it is.
I’m really glad HoosierDaddy probably did not get the job with your company, since you lack the courtesy to inform him of the outcome of your search, even after two interviews and an email stating that you’d probably have an offer letter for him by the end of the week (that was two weeks ago). How hard is it to answer his emails asking how things turned out? Are you afraid you’ll make him cry? Or are you hedging your bets in case the person you did choose turns out to be a loser? Either way, you suck donkey balls.
Shut your goddamned mouth when you eat! Today was the most revolting day in the past two months, and the combination of fishy tuna-and-mayonnaise smell with your smacking noises nearly caused me to vomit all over my desk just now. I know you have to eat, but for the love of Og, just shut your mouth and have some consideration for the fact that open-mouthed eating is not just boorish, but DISGUSTING behavior for anyone. You’re in your 50s; did you forget all the lessons your mother taught you?
P.S. Pick up your damned feet when you walk. You’re kicking up all the dust that the ancient vacuum hasn’t gotten to.