<personal log>
7:40–Arrived at Red, Hot, & Blue to find Grace, Aglarond, Chef Troy, and JimB already present. The huge, lighted “Condoms To Go” sign has already been discussed, as has the “Grace is happy to see us” pic. Everyone is permitted to select one and only one photo not to post. Aglarond, wary of possible pathogens left by Grace on his beer glass, is pleasantly surprised by learning that no pathogen known to be harmful to humans can survive in beer–especially not the Shiner Bock that he prefers. I don’t know where Ag got the idea that I admitted or almost admitted to having slept with a mechanic. I certainly didn’t say anything of the sort last night–so I’ll say it here: I have slept with a mechanic. She was really cute, too. 
7:50–Some portion of the conversation that did not reach my notes led to the announcement by Grace: “I can’t stand the feel of corn-on-the-cob.” Dental problems were discussed. Notable quotes for use out of context:
Aglarond–“I was drooling all over myself and chewing on my lower lip.” (a common enough activity for Ag, I’m sure).
Chef–“Whoa! Here come the teeth!”
8:00–Ordered dinner. Aglarond told us of his dad’s stupid dental activity. Evidently, he had a tooth that needed to be removed (chipped out, AARRGH!), and made a appointment with the dentist. As it happened, a party was scheduled for that evening, and a couple of girls wanted to meet with AgDad and his friend beforehand. Since his appointment would conflict with this, he decided to have his (drunk) buddies chip out the tooth instead. <Insert relevant images of hammers, chisels, pliers, and lots of whiskey and screaming.> They did enough damage that when he finally went to the dentist (skipping the party entirely), he had to have the tooth behind the target removed as well. <Nasty comment on heredity omitted on the grounds that Aglarond bought dinner. Thanks, Ag…see how generosity pays off?>
Goats discussed.
8:10–Palmyra arrived. Stupid traffic light tricks became the topic of conversation (don’t ask me how–I can’t imagine any segue that would accomplish it). Aglarond told us about pulling up next to an old couple at a traffic light, waving cheerfully, then slumping with his head against the steering wheel in a pretended attack of some kind. His passenger (who had no forewarning) checked to make sure he was faking, then said, “Dude, they’re freaking out.” Aglarond promptly ignored him. He responded to “The light’s green.”, though–by sitting up, waving again, and driving off.
Chef’s trick requires planning and coordination between two cars on at least a 3-lane street (IOW, I could never have pulled this one back home.) The two cars bracket another car at a red light, then shift into reverse and begin inching backwards in sync. The fun lies in watching the driver of the bracketed car panic and start frantically pumping his brakes in an attempt to stop his perceived forward motion into the intersection.
Chef describes playing the emperor in Gilbert & Sullivan’s “The Mikado”. It was some weird West End adaptation–everyone else was in business suits and such, but Chef got stuck in baggy “MC Hammer” pants, a gold lamé cape,a topknot, a Fu Manchu moustache, and heavy Japanese makeup. There was only one dressing room; fortunately for Chef’s dignity (hah!), his only major costume change was while pretty much everyone else was on-stage. He notes that theatre people seem to have no sense of modesty, recalling the nude woman asking him if he’d seen her costume: <paraphrase>“Well, I sure can’t see it now!” </paraphrase>
8:30–“Friends” thread discussed, leading naturally to porn and porn titles. Chef’s contribution: “Saving Ryan’s Privates”–the story of a man separated from his unit. Chef denies responsibility for the synopsis. Grace submitted that “Shaving Ryan’s Privates” had definite possibilities as a title.
8:45–Aglarond’s Indian (well…Pakistani) name is revealed! He is Salababa Ututi Masadme (approximately). Allegedly, this translates as “Pimp Daddy Rubber Pizza Man”, and was earned by bouncing a slice of pizza off the table, performing a spin kick so that his foot passed between the pizza and the table, and (upon completion of the spin) grabbing the slice and taking a bite.
8:50–Shayna called. The phone was passed around to everyone. She wants photos.
8:55–Psieker arrived. Introductions all around–psieker was disappointed because SkySlash wasn’t there: “Wasn’t SkySlash one of the Decepticons?” Ag replied, “Did any of them wear a catsuit?” More commentary on SS followed. Chef asked about the significance of my username–I told him I had posted an explanation at one point. Rather than make him do a search and read through everything I’ve ever posted (although I’m sure that would do him good), I’ll admit that I couldn’t find the thread in which I explained it (the screen name origin thread). So it’ll just have to remain a mystery.
9:10–Left RH&B to seek out beer. Found some at the second Tom Thumb we visited. We also found (but didn’t buy, so don’t worry) a singing shark, a la the “Boogie Bass” but smaller. On to Chez Chef!
9:20–Arrived at Chef’s place. Cats, reassured of SkySlash’s absence, gravitated to psieker and Ag (who are allergic to them). They occasionally condescended to allow the rest of us to play with or pet them a bit. Drinking and watching of “Army of Darkness” began. Psieker is a Bruce Campbell fan, and seems to have AoD memorized. Much laughter and heckling ensued–I was laughing too hard to keep detailed notes, but some highlights did get written down. Aglarond and I decided that the Sluggy Freelance Stormbreaker Saga is actually a better-written and -executed story. Toward the end, Chef comments that he loves the bit where “the skeleton blows his stack in fear”. Shortly thereafter, Palmyra (who apparently doesn’t recall the bit very clearly) asked, “So when does the skeleton blow his load?” and a roomful of supposedly mature adults dissolved into helpless laughter. I managed to interject “Well, he’s already got a boner. Give him time.” I’m not sure how clearly it came out through all the snickering, though. Palmyra was too busy hiding her (quite red) face in her hands to respond anyway.
More comments on Sky. I think the “Ash” connection kept bringing him up somehow. The only comment that stands out was “More Rock Hudson than Freddy Mercury”.
11:30–Chef showed off his rubber nose collection. It was impressive, in a disturbing sort of way.
11:45–Mrs. Chef arrives while we’re still trying on noses. Guinness is discussed. Carpeted stains and carpeted kitchens are discussed. High school yearbooks are brought out. Quake and Diablo II on office LANs are discussed by those ignoring the yearbooks. Ag has a hard job–sometimes his boss orders everyone to put their phones on “Do Not Disturb” and play Quake. Halloween plans were mentioned, but seem uncertain for most of us–Mrs. Chef showed off her cavewoman costume.
Costumes were discussed. Psieker is not just a Bruce Campbell fan–he’s obsessed. He mentioned something about cutting off his hand and getting a chainsaw fitted to the stump. Aglarond on Pikachu: “Yeah, he’s hot. I’d bend him over a pool table.”
Eventually, everyone started making “I have to go to work tomorrow” noises and we drifted toward the cars. Observing the “spider web” (the fuzzy Halloween stuff) that Chef had used to decorate his front door, I said that I should have brought my webshooter over–we could have put up some realistic ones. Chef was (for some reason) unsurprised by the fact that I have a webshooter.
</personal log>
That’s what I remember, as supplemented by my notes. As always, I had a great time.
Sheesh, enough typing already!
I met her and a bunch of her friends at the usual pool hall hangout and we played and talked and I had a few beers. We were both tired and she kept hinting at leaving…so finally I suggested she go home and get some rest. She had ridden with a friend and needed a ride to her car which I gladly provided. On the way she suggested that I just follow her back to her house and so I did, realizing that she still lives at home and I work with both her parents and I may have to face them! :
