My job (insurance biller) is not the most physically challenging in the world. Aside from the odd paper cut, there’s not much danger involved.
Last Friday, however, I was sitting at my desk with my right leg tucked up under my left. I spun my chair around to get up and go to the printer, when I struck my shin on the rounded metal edge of my desk. There was the requisite “owie owie owie” dance and within a few minutes all was well.
Then Saturday rolls around. Now, there’s a slight pain in my right leg whenever I try to walk. Not intense, but a pain nonetheless. I look at the area I had hit the day before and there’s a small “dent” about 1/8" wide. There’s also a bruised area surrounding it that’s about 4" in diameter. I put an ice bag on it for a while and go to bed. Sunday comes in and the bruising has spread to cover an area from just below the ankle to about 6" up the shin. Also, my foot is swollen. It is quite painful to walk. Mrs. Blue Sky is none too pleased with the leg and insists I go to a doctor.
On Monday, I go to Employee Health. When I get in and show the doctor, she goes “Ewwww”. (side note, I’m not a doctor or a healthcare professional despite working for a hospital, but I’d bet good money that these people have some sort of list of “Things You Don’t Say To Your Patient” and I’m quite sure that “Ewwww” is on that list, probably in the top five). She thinks it’s cellulitis and makes an appointment for me to see a doctor at one of our satellite offices.
This being a work-related injury, I am required to take a drug test. I don’t have a problem with this other than the fact that I hadn’t had anything to drink in the last 10 hours, so I’m pretty “dry”. I can’t leave until I’m able to do the test, so the doctor starts handing cups of water. Cold water. Really cold water. After 10 8oz cups of liquid ice, I’m shivering, but still unable to “produce”. Then I get a feeling, but it’s not the feeling I’m looking for. I’d had not been all that well over the weekend anyway, and I had had some, uh, shall we say, “intestinal disruptions”. Now I really have to go to the bathroom. I go in and take care of the problem, but I can’t flush the toilet because that would make the doctor suspect I’m trying to pull a fast one on the test. Now I’m still trying to give her the sample she needs, and the atmosphere is not very pleasant. I’m finally able to make a sample.
When I give it to the doctor, she is slightly alarmed at the color. It’s darker than usual and has a high level of ketones (sp?). She’s starts asking me questions:
Doc: “Are you a diabetic?”
MBS: “Nope”
Doc: “Are you on the Atkins diet?”
MBS: “Nope” (where did THAT come from?)
Doc: “You should tell the next doctor about this when you go”
So, I head out to see the next doctor. I show him my leg. He says “Ewwwww”, too. (Apparently, he’s lost his list, too).
X-rays are taken (no problems). Did another urinalysis (color was almost clear, all levels normal) and the doctor gives me Naproxen (anti-inflammatory) to take for the next 10 days.
He gave the OK to return to work, but advised me to keep my leg elevated as much as possible. I go back and last about 90 minutes.
I went in Tuesday and got up to 2pm before I noticed my foot was now the size and texture as an overripe mango. There was just no way to keep my foot elevated high enough without putting it on my desk. This would make working nearly impossible and I would still have to get up and down to retrieve printouts and such. So I go home.
I was able to keep my foot elevated all night and this morning, my foot, though still slightly swollen, looks much better, as does the bruising. It hasn’t spread beyond the original area (a minor concern of the 2nd doc). Much of the pain had gone, but I still have to either limp around or hop to get to where I’m going.
Most people would love to have a day off. Me, too. But lying around drives me crazy. I actually WANT to go back to work!
So there you go. I just can’t get a normal injury, I have to get some weird ass crap like this.