A Perfect Storm of Suck: Ratner to Direct "Youngblood" Movie

Cafe Society
1

If this were posted on April 1, I’d think it was some geek who works at “Variety” having a little fun. But it appears to be genuine:

Brett Ratner boards “Youngblood”

Perhaps the hackiest of the big-name hacks, the guy who makes Michael Bay look like Martin freaking Scorcese, is going to be directing a movie based on what may be the worst superhero comic book of all time.

My favorite bit in the article: “The Indian media conglom has acquired Rob Liefeld’s iconic graphic novel ‘Youngblood’ for Brett Ratner to direct.” I guess “iconic” doesn’t really necessarily have any positive connotation. Something can be an iconic example of crappiness, I suppose.

It sort of reminds me of the old Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commericals…

“You got Brett Ratner in my ‘Youngblood!’”
“You got ‘Youngblood’ in my Brett Ratner!”
“Two things that utterly, utterly suck that utterly suck together!”

2

I know I am not the only one who thought, “They are remaking that throwaway Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze hockey movie from the 80’s? They are really running out of ideas in Hollywood.”

I have never heard of the comic book Youngblood.

3

You were not the only one.

4

Yeah, that movie will suck.

5

That is because, years ago, you were kind to an elderly homeless woman you chanced to pass on the street. Unbeknownst to you that woman was in fact Calliope, muse of epic poetry, in mortal semblance, and she rewarded you by keeping you from straying into the path of anyone who might have exposed you to Youngblood. Thank Calliope, and praise her name, for she has done you a great service.

6

Me too. I remember how ridiculous Lowe looked when he was trying to act tough. At the time he weighed about 120.

7

Impossible. (Unless it’s Uwe Boll, which apparently it isn’t.)

Is every comic book title eventually going to be a movie? (If that meant we’d see an NC-17 She-Hulk, that would be okay.)

8

The most recent Youngblood series written by Joe Casey is really good. A movie based on that could be awesome.

9

Nice writing! :smiley:

10

Maybe they’ll use special effects to shrink everyone’s feet and give them 72 teeth.

11

Hmmm…I’m completely unfamiliar with both Youngblood and Ratner. What has Ratner directed?

Wait. Looks like he did the awful X-Men 3 movie. That’s bad, but does he have an established reputation for suck? What else has he done that’s bad?

12

I did Calliope a favor too. Of course, when I met her she was in her hot babe form, and my service involved bedroom acrobatics, so the term “favor” may not quite apply. :wink:

13

Yeah, out of all the crap that came out of Image Comics in the 90’s, Rob Liefeld’s work is probably the worst. Not only is the writing awful, the art is hideous, too. Google “Worst Drawings by Rob Liefeld” to see what I mean.

This will suck more than anything that has ever sucked before.

14

Here are some examples of Rob Liefeld’s suckiness:

Youngblood #1

Newmen #1

Yeah doesn’t bode well for that film.

15

That’s absolutely what I thought upon seeing the thread title. Took me awhile to pick my jaw up off the floor and read the rest of the OP.

But really that kind of suck would actually be awesome to behold!

16

Yeah, but Cynthia Gibb was the perfect girl-next-door who you was cute, sweet, and phenomenally better looking naked than you might even expect…

17

It doesn’t matter what the movie’s like anyway. Fans won’t watch it; they’ll just buy 10 tickets each and bag them for the collector’s value.
Movie theaters take note: I have seen the future, and it is foil-enhanced. Limited-edition variant collectible popcorn bags. It’ll be like printing money.

18

You mean this isn’t a remake of Youngblood Hawke? That was based on a novel by Herman Wouk. It starred a young Suzanne Pleshette. Those are great bloodlines!
ETA: Honestly, that movie was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title. I’ve never heard of the comic either.

19

His big hits were the Rush Hour movies with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

20

I’d go see it but my torso is so disporportionately large and my feet are so teeny tiny, I can’t even walk without falling on my face.