Oh my God. This is amazing. Those expressions on her face, the initial self-realization with a smile and then sort of collapsing into a cocktail of self-recrimination, fear, and especially fierce concentration as she dredges up the correct concerto from her memory.
Surely some of what gets her through this, at least to start with, was both knowledge of the piece as well as sheer muscle memory… but muscle memory’ll take you only so far. That she’s able to pull herself together (even though at every pause during her performance you can still see her nausea) is truly astonishing.
It really is the worst nightmare, one I’ve had many times (performing without rehearsal is a recurring dream similar to the “I have to take a test without any preparation!” nightmare). The closest I’ve ever come to this was at a vocal competition. I’d prepared one aria (“O Mio Babbino Caro”) and was to perform with the competition’s official pianist as accompaniment. When I got to the room, the judging panel apologized and said that the pianist had been taken ill and wouldn’t be there. If I wanted I could either sing alone or perhaps wait to audition another day.
Well, I didn’t want to sing a capella, because to be frank, in those days my sense of pitch wasn’t great, and I didn’t trust myself to push myself into a different key altogether. I didn’t want to come back another day because it was a long shlep to the university from my home.
Thinking fast, though my piano skills are rudimentary at best, I asked, “Can I accompany myself?” The judges said, um, okay.
But I’d never played “O Mio Babbino Caro” and didn’t have the music. So I threw out my plans and instead of my prepared audition piece, I switched to an aria I did know how to play, sorta kinda: “The Trees on the Mountain” from Susannah, which I’d performed the previous year in high school.
I’ve never played piano in public in my life, for which everyone is grateful, believe me. And I’d certainly never auditioned having to accompany myself at the piano. I know I fudged the accompaniment and reduced it mostly to basic chords and arpeggios, and I would definitely have sounded better vocally (which was the most important thing) if I’d been standing up using proper diaphragm support rather than sitting. At least I got through it, and that’s the important thing!
But it sure as hell wasn’t in front of a huge audience like this one, that’s for damn sure. An amazing video, thanks so much for sharing. I’ve sent it out to all the musicians in my family.