“My bride’s under that truck, but I managed to save my favourite wedding present. Simplicity sewing machines. Simply the best.”
At least FedEx puts their stuff in boxes.
Sew. Tell me what happened.
hehe. This one gets my vote
This one, too 
I can vote twice, right?
Whatever. I don’t care. You’ve just gone on my Ignore List.
Photo #1: “There was a mighty accident, but thankfully, the mail-order husband arrived unharmed.”
Photo #2: “Sadly, the Nazi Kitten Brigade was decimated after only three weeks on the Russian front.”
Ok, fellas, watch what happens when he steps off the spoon.
Back to the OP (opening picture?): Incredithread is so strong and unbreakable, I can winch this UPS truck from the ditch using only this handheld sewing machine.
Pic #2
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See, we’re all just a bunch of nice fellas.
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Are we going to flip to see who gets to bite its head off?
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How would little kitty like to ride on big a choo choo train?
Agent 004 demonstrating a Q-Branch Covert Anti-Vehicle Weapon System. “I never travel without a handly little Remington.”
Cat. The other white meat.
As for the OP…
Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!
“Why is it the guy in the beret’s always the pansy?”
To the cops he was just another tuxedoed youth cackling near a crime scene. They could hardly have been exptected to notice such a natural chameleon. But little did they know that wasn’t Grandma’s Singer the youngster toted. Designed by 1000 psychotic child-molesters, and mutated by deadly cosmic gamma rays, it was Satan’s Sewing Machine. And the Mad Bobbin’s reign of terror had…only…just…begun!
Pic #2:
Lucky withstood being attached to a hand grenade with little effort. It was the fiendish dandilion tickler that finally broke her.
Picture #1: This must be a Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
Picture #2: While France surrendered to German forces with little struggle, the real capitulation came from Kittenistan, whose leader, King Mittens IV (pictured above, far right), joined the Nazi cause in exchange for a flower and a seat on the Nazi Sunbeam Council.
Pic 1: Dan’s hair-raising hitch-hike had got him to the wedding on time, but he had yet to find some wrapping paper.
Pic 2: Kitten or grenade…which to throw?
PT
merm
Chad Bueller, 21, of Lawnsville, a groomsman in his friend’s wedding, poses in the foreground of a nearby accident scene holding a sewing machine borrowed from the gift table.
Stealthy, the UPS truck emerged slowly from the river with its engine idling softly and froze, stunned. There, not fifteen yards away, was the tuxedo clad sneak thief who’d stolen the sewing machine from his delivery compartment. Unfortunately the police where there, too. Brownie paused, plotting furiously. No one had spotted him yet… his secret was seconds from exposure… maybe now people would see what Brown can do.
Pic 1.
Ok Frankie, here’s your $20 – so you* can * knock a UPS truck into a ditch with a sewing machine.
Pic 2.
Sure the other troops were charmed as Private Bozo made their grenades hatch into kittens, but later, in the heat of battle – as their guns fired only confetti and tanks drove round in small circles honking as their tracks fell off – they knew they were the victims of an undercover clown.
Her Majesty’s Special Agent UPS will have this case sewed up in no time.