A poem...some feedback??

Well I hope this is the right forum for this kind of post :.

Well anyway I was sitting at my computer bored to tears, so I brainstormed a littel poem for you to hear. :stuck_out_tongue:

Well its meaning is not very obvious yet. I only have the first part finished. It’s about a girl (well it is valentines day), my goal will be to compare and contrast a love for someone against that of herion. And eventually ask which addiction would you consider “worse” (as in bad for you). So to those who care to respond, does it look like I am on the right track? Well anyway here is the first part. I’ll post the rest when I finish it.

Beaten, battered, and torn, My own little melodramatic whore;
She, was,…always touching everthing she could adore;
You see the queen of needles looking for that score, never finding, but always scorn;

I Never bothered with when, why, or how;

But see this is were my heart lies, down deep in the scene;
With the raven eyes of my herion queen;
Just a thorn in the flesh…is all she will ever mean;
A slack accession to the heights of my dreams;

Actually, this should best be in IMHO since you are asking for opinions rather than a specific answer. I’d prefer to see the rest of the poem before commenting (I am not well-versed in poetry appreciation).

BTW, Do you mean to spell it heroin (the powder) or heroine (lead female character in a story or play)?

screech-owl is correct: This forum, General Questions, is for questions with a factual answer, while “In My Humble Opinion” is for questions of opinion. I’ll move it on over there for you.