Please give me your thoughts on my poem

Cafe Society
1

Here is the opening part of my poem. Please give me your honest thoughts on it.
It’s called “In Her Bed, Dreaming of You.”

Spirits couldn’t chase my thoughts of you away
So, I turned to a woman for what wine and liquior wouldn’t do
An exotic beauty, I had been with before
What would it matter if we were together once more?
As my hands follow from head, back, down to her thighs
Can’t escape thoughts of how I love the curves on your body
From your waste to your eyes

(You can read the rest of it here.)

2

Heh. I get it.

3

Liquior?

4

I like the general theme of the piece. Drop the rhyming and concentrate on getting just the right word – concisely. Write more as if these thoughts are coming from your mind instead of a fountain pen.

If you want to be a poet, the first thing that you should do is being to read good contemporary poets.

Keep at it! There is potential!

5

I get it too.

Always so clevah, Satisfying Andy Licious…

6

You should get a job at a newspaper.

7

Funny joke on plagiarism, but I wonder if it belongs in Cafe Society . . .

8

I don’t think I get it. Unless its about coprophilia. Then I don’t want to get it.

Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.

9

“From your waste to your eyes”

Hmmm, maybe you could change thing one?

10

There is my other personality typing ‘thing’ when it should have been ‘this’ …

11

(hint: check the website…particularly page one)

12

You may be blind, but you see right through me.

13

Well done, Satisfying Andy Licious!

The poem sucks.

Except for this bit:

Nice little couplet there, but the rest of it sounds like a lovesick 16-year-old.