A poll about ... "EX"es

In My Humble Opinion
1

Please say if you’re a boy/girl (because I’m a sexist and think these two groups will have different reasons & responses)

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.

As for me, if you must know:

a) No. An archaeologist could never link me to anyone else by leafing through my stuff.
b) Yes, they’ve bugged her in the past, so I don’t.
c) Those people are in my past and I prefer to leave them there. Seems disrespectful to keep them anyway (see “e”)
d) N/A (may occasionally find one in a box & discard without a second thought)
e) Bugs the crap outta me. Prominent display is insulting–tells me that I am one of many and not any more or less special than the others.

(Peanut gallery: If you know anything about me, save it for another thread. Just answer the questions.)

2

(a/c/d) I have some (mostly letters) in storage back at my Mom’s place in a closet, but that’s mostly because I haven’t gotten around to some long-overdue Spring cleaning of my stuff from years and years ago. The only things that I have in the home I share with my wife now are gifts that don’t have sentimental value to me (books, CDs, etc.)
(b/e) She knows and doesn’t care. We almost never talk about our exes, because there’s very little to talk about (good or bad, it’s all history and little else). She is still in touch with some of her exes while I most definitely am not, and I couldn’t care less; ditto her “Man Box” which we have stored in the laundry room which I’ve never seen her once go through (presumably letters, photos, etc.).

3

A. Mementos, no. Gifts or stuff? If it were useful, sure. Say a piece of art given as a gift, it certainly doesn’t change value due to breaking up with the gift-giver, so I’d keep it.

B. I don’t really have anything that I can think of, but the S/O would know and probably not care, unless it were a giant heart-shaped photo or some silly shit.

C. Don’t really have anything that fits the description.

D. Would depend on the item, I’m not one for pressing roses from the corsage or saving programs or ticket stubs, so the only things that might be saved would be useful things which would be displayed/used normally.

E. I’m alright with it, unless it’s some sort of shrine to an Ex or the aforementioned heart-shaped photo frame of smoochiness, that’d suck.

4

I’m female.

a) some – only of one particular past love
b) yes, he knows. I am sure he cares, but since he also knows that he cannot do anything about it, he keeps that to himself.
c) I keep them because this was/is the love of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and he is a great guy and I have no intention of rekindling anything with the ex…I just haven’t let go yet. I might never let go – we will see…
d) in a box in a closet, I never open. I remember them, I don’t need to look at them to know what they are.
e) my husband has a few cards/letters/etc from other girls. I don’t care so long as they aren’t counted in the clutter that I have to see. What’s in the past is in the past, regardless of how fondly we may or may not try to remember it.

5

I am male, gay if that matters for this exercise.

A) no. I have 2 exes, one I haven’t spoken to in 10 years, the other I broke up with about 7 years ago and just spoke to again sometime last year. I don’t know of anything I have from either.

b) N/A

c) Neither breakup was on very good terms and I didn’t care to be reminded of them.

d) N/A

e) He doesn’t that I’m aware of.

6

Female, open marriage (seems relevant, somehow)

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
I try to cut out as much clutter as possible, but sure, I have photos.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
Yes, he knows about the photos; no, he doesn’t care.

**c) Why do/don’t you keep them? **
That was part of my life, and to cut out my ex is to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen. I mean, people don’t really cut their old prom pictures in half because of jealous spouses, do they?

I have one weird memento, and that’s a pair of jeans that belonged to “The One” from college. It’s impossible to explain why they mean so much to me - not the least of it is that I actually fit into them at one point! I’m not sure if my husband knows about those or not. I admit it’s a strange memento, and I haven’t sat him down to tell him the Tale of the Jeans or anything. He probably doesn’t notice that there’s a pair of jeans in my dresser that never gets worn.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
I have to admit looks around for the Straight Dope Reformed Slob Club members I haven’t yet gotten around to putting 15 year old photos in albums. :smack: They’re in a shoebox, neatly stashed in a closet. The jeans are in my dresser, and have moved with me three times now.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
He’s got plenty of his own, as well as notes, trinkets, even a painting of him done by an ex (which I don’t like 'cause it’s hideous, not because it’s from her). The only problem I have with it on his side is that it’s indicative of his larger pack-rat problem. He saves every bit and piece of paper and tchochke that comes into his life, and that made a huge clutter problem. As long as his mementos are well-contained and not in my way, I really don’t care. They’re part of his history, and have no bearing on how he feels about me - I mean, he didn’t even know me then!

7

I’m female.
A) The only thing I’ve ever kept was a couple of mixed CDs.
B) The boyfriend I’ve had since then didn’t care.
C) It’s decent music! It isn’t like a photo or letter, that can be very personal. Throwing away good music just seems wrong.
D) They’re with the rest of my music, but tucked away in the back. I like some of the music, but don’t care to think about the guy that gave it to me.
E) It’d depend on what it was. Something like a movie or CD wouldn’t bother me, but letters or photos might, just because I’d wonder if he still had “feelings” for them. Plus they’re EXs for a reason, and It’d irritate me to have to be reminded of them every time I came across their stuff.

8

I’m a guy.

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?

Photos. Letters get burned after a couple of years (I better go check a drawer). The burning isn’t personal, it is just more ceremonial than tossing them in the trash. A few drinks, a few memories and a match.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?

Doesn’t know, other than she’s seen some old photo albums.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?

I burn the letters because they no longer have meaning and take up space. I keep the photos because I keep a lot of photos. Plus, some of them are good pictures that I took.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?

In photo albums or on my computer, other than one framed print of an ex’s hands grasping the rail on a sailboat. It’s an interesting photo with good colors.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice?

I don’t think she kept any photos of her ex, I’ve never seen any. She feels her marriage was a waste of 23 years, except for her kids. I wouldn’t like it if she had photos of him up. I’ve never met the guy so unless he was with her or the kids in the photo I wouldn’t know.

whistlepig

9

I’m a gurl.

a) yes a few photos, some letters and poems and art and such
b) I don’t know
c) I can’t bring myself to throw away letters and poems and art created for me. Photos I toss for the most part, but the rest make me feel special.
d) in a box or album

10

I have to. He was my SO, now he’s my “brother”. But he was never one for letters or poetry. I still have the computer he fitted out for me. Is that romantic enough :slight_smile: ?

11

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
Yes. Photo albums.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
Yes she knows. No, she doesn’t care.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
They are an important part of my life to date and a large part of who I am today. Either because of good things or bad things that were done or said. I think it was Odysseus that said “I am the sum of all I have known.”

d) Do you display them prominently or keep them in a box somewhere?
No. They are respectfully stored in a closet. I do not live in the past, but to some degree the past lives in me.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
She has her things from her past. The same perception of influences applies to her and I am beholden to those in her past that have made her who she is today.

I personally think to do otherwise is childish and immature. We have no delusion of the other “coming into being” moments before we met.

Oh yeah. I’m a guy.

12

We *both *have a box somewhere filled with stuff from our previous loves. I don’t keep mementoes of all of them, just the one I thought I was in love with. Same with him. Neither of us could find the boxes without a lengthy search, and neither of us care the other has it.

I keep them because it was a major portion of my life. Once I went back and looked at all of them. Some photographs, a few smoking hot letters, some lavender, crap like that. I dont’ see why I should have to throw away or forget a part of my life just because there’s a new person in it, and neither does he.

I’m the girl.

13

21/female

**a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? **
No. I have a few pieces of jewelry that I haven’t figured out what to do with. I chunked everything else in the trash.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
Mr J has commented more than a few times that he’d like for me to get rid of those things.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
I don’t want them but what do I do with ex-boyfriend jewelry? I don’t want to be reminded of him or the time we spent together. I’d like to leave the past where it’s at.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
In my parent’s safe.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
He’s tossed his ex’s junk. I’m happy about that.

14

I am a female

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
Sometimes. I don’t really keep them, I just fail to throw them out. I wouldn’t remember if something was a gift from an ex unless I didn’t like it in the first place and just kept it because I loved him. There have been times when I’ve said, “good! Now I can chuck this ugly thing.”

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
I don’t have a current SO but I’ve never had a boyfriend notice or care about that issue.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
I’ve never had one of those dramatic breakups where you burn everything associated with the ex. I’m pretty sure an ex gave me my everyday earrings about 15 years ago but they’re just earrings and I don’t really care anymore where I got them.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
I have some photos in a box.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
I have had boyfriends who kept stuff and I didn’t care. If they don’t love the person any more it’s just stuff. If they got a broken heart then maybe it comforts them somehow to hold on. Either way the past is the past. It’s not my problem.

15

I’m female.

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
Yes, I do. I have photos, jewelry, poems, and love letters dating back more than 40 years.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
Yup. I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I had lovers before my husband came into my life, and he has seen most of the photos. If he asked to see the love letters, I’d rather not show them to him, since that seems like a breach of privacy. But he hasn’t asked, and I doubt that he ever will.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
Memories of former lovers are an important part of my emotional health. Even the relationships that ended badly meant something to me, and still do.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
Yikes, I can’t imagine putting this memorabilia on display. It’s scattered all around the house in boxes and drawers and envelopes.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
I was my husband’s first “serious” girlfriend. I’ve seen photos of (and have met) some of the “casual” girlfriends, and I don’t feel threatened by the existence of these gals. If hubby wanted to keep mementos of other women, that wouldn’t bother me, but as far as I know, he doesn’t.

16

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
In the back of a file cabinet I have love letters dating back to 1975. And I have some artwork done by a former gf hanging on my wall.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
She kind of rolls her eyes about stuff like that and says “I don’t want to know” so the literal answer is that I myself do not know what and how much she knows. I don’t go to efforts to keep it from her. I’m still in touch with one ex (email, occasional visits when she’s in the area) and she certainly knows that.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
Part of my personal history.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
See above.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
She has a few things, but not so much. She doesn’t look back on her own romantic history with much warmth or nostalgia, or to whatever extent she does, keeps that to herself.

Oh, and I’m male.

17

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
Yes. Cards, letters and photos.
b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
Yes he knows, and he doesn’t seem to care.
c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
Because they are an important part of my past and they mean something to me.
d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?
I keep everything organized in couple of boxes in my closet.
e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
He has a box of photos from his first marriage, and of his children when they were young. I think it is fine that he has them, as long as I don’t ever have to see them (just like he never has to see my photos, although he is welcome to see them if he wants - as in, they are not “off limits” or private.)

18

a) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?

Nope. No photos, no mementos… I have one gift that my first ex got me for Christmas one year, but it’s a shortwave radio. I love that thing. I don’t associate it with him, though. I often forget that’s where I got it.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?

He knows where the shortwave came from, but he thinks it’s pretty cool and doesn’t want to toss it, either. I make my own, sometimes, too, but this one is really nifty, and digital, too!

**c) Why do/don’t you keep them? **

I don’t keep anything, normally. Any poems, pictures, personal porn, romantic gifts, etc, have long since been tossed. My past two major relationships were seriously messed up and abusive. Getting rid of the stuff was part of an immense and necessary cleansing process for myself.

d) Do you display them promiently or keep them in a box somewhere?

N/A. Oh, wait, the shortwave is in the bathroom. We bring it out when the power goes out. It runs on batteries, after all.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.

For most of his past relationships, I don’t think I’d be fond of it, but I won’t nag him about it. All relationships, even bad ones, had to have some good moments. For a short while, he did have some mementos and gifts from his most recent ex before me, to whom he was engaged, but after we moved out of our first apartment, without a word from me about the matter, he methodically packed it all up into a box and tossed it into a Dumpster. Though I remained silent throughout, I was secretly pleased.

19

I’m a girl.

a/d) Do you keep mementos of past loves? Photos, gifts, stuff like that?
I have a box of letters somewhere that probably has a couple of other keepsakes in it. Some old photos too. Oh, and one gave me the first draft of his screenplay. Others gave me trinkets that have been (accidentally) broken or lost since then.

b) Does you current S/O know/care that you keep them?
I don’t recall it coming up, but he probably wouldn’t care.

c) Why do/don’t you keep them?
I’ve seen what’s become of most of my exes and I’m not interested in them at all. But the photos and letters are reminders of an earlier, more idyllic time. The letters I keep mostly to read one day when i haven’t thought about that time for a good while, and remember what I was like and what I was thinking and how people were reacting to me back then. The photos are all candid, since we had sort of the same groups of friends. So again, happy reminders more of myself and my friends in general. I’m afraid of forgetfulness.
The screenplay I’ve never read all the way through, but that guy was really interesting and it seems a shame to toss. And it was written in perfect 3 line verse. I’ll read it when I’m older.

e) If your current S/O keeps them, how do YOU feel about the practice? Explain.
I don’t know if he does. He moved all his stuff in here and there isn’t that much of it, but who knows. I haven’t asked and I don’t think I could bring myself to make him get rid of them, if I knew he had them, though honestly they would make me uncomfortable (because I don’t assume he’d think about them in the same way I do, and they’d give me a new thing to brood and worry pointlessly over. It’s better that I don’t know, I think).

20

a) I have three dolls that were presents from old lovers; one of them was specifically a parting present. I like 'em, so why shouldn’t I keep 'em?
b) What current SO?
c) See a.
d) They get treated exactly as any other doll. The only exception is that the Pillsbury Doughboy is usually kept in my guest bedroom but I take it out of there if Mom’s visiting: otherwise she’ll make him giggle at all kinds of ungodly hours.
e) If he had a shrine I’d be outta there at F1 speeds. If it’s an object that he just happened to get as a present from an ex, what, I do the same.