Six months ago, we had a wonderful ISP. It was a small local operation, but you could call any time of the day or night and the answering service would page them…and they would actually call you back. Not only that, but you got to speak to a real live person to begin with, even if it was only the answering service. The owners were friendly and knowledgeable and gave us a great deal on service to boot.
However, the minor demons of Southwestern Bell decided that it was perfectly acceptable for us to have so much static every time it rained that we would get disconnected every 10 or so minutes. Moreover, although our ISP would gladly have carried us on DSL, we live 100 yards away from the place where DSL stops in our area…and Southwestern Bell, in its infinite idiocy, has chosen not to extend service to our area until at least the end of 2003. (And maybe not even then, if recent news reports are correct.)
This was not acceptable, as we have a small web-based business which is doing quite well for its size, and we needed reliable, steady internet connection for uploads and maintenance.
So I had the bright idea of getting a cable modem. Mind you, due to one thing and another we rarely watch TV, so we didn’t even have cable, and never really felt the lack. However, it seemed our only option.
So in July, we bid a very sad farewell to our wonderful ISP and made a deal with the devil…Charter, and its incompetent sidekick, @Home.
Ever since then, it’s been nothing but problems. Due to schedules, my husband and I rarely get a chance to spend much leisure time gaming (i.e., we’re lucky if we get a weekend a month.) Since July, EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY OR WEEKEND where we actually had time off and intended to spend some of it doing geeky stuff together like we used to, either our cable connection has been down OR something’s been wrong with the cable modem connection.
If it were just things like lightning strikes, floods, things beyond any human (and probably minor gods/demons) power to control, I could understand, to some degree. That’s not been the case. BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND OR CONDONE FUCKING INCOMPETENCE WHEN I’M PAYING $150.00 A MONTH FOR TWO CABLE MODEMS AND A CABLE SERVICE I DON’T EVEN USE! For example, I went without service for a full WEEK because the modem went bad. Although TWO different techs actually CAME OUT TO THE HOUSE, I had to all but throw a fit before they’d even check the damn modem, the maggot-eating condescending jackasses – they even made me re-install fucking Windows before they’d try a new modem. “Tech support”, in their lexicon, apparently means “We’ll let you pay us a ridiculous sum of money to support us doing absolutely nothing more than we can get away with.”
Now, @Home has gone belly up (no surprise there, if their management was even an eighth as bollixed up as their tech support departments.) Charter stepped forward and announced that they would be providing broadband instead of @Home, and that if we followed their simple, handy-dandy instructions, there should be no interruption of our internet service.
We should have known that there was no way in any netherhell that Charter could actually have made a seamless transition, but like the hopeful (and basically optionless) Hansel and Gretel we were, my husband and I dutifully did all the downloads, made all the changes and tweaked all configurations exactly like they said to do.
Guess what. As of 4:45 a.m. – BONK. No more cable connection. Surprise, surprise.
So I try to call their ‘24 hour tech support’. After AN HOUR AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES of listening to Squeez-Cheez Christmas music while periodically being reassured that yes, SOMEONE will answer the phone and I SHOULD NOT hang up because I’ll lose my place in line, I finally give up and try the local cable (not internet) office. I actually spoke to a rather nice young lady, who assured me that she’d get a message to the tech support department to call me back.
Hah. Right. The only contact I got was a pre-recorded message that woke me up at 9:45 this morning to tell me to check out channel 26 or call a number with other questions. Well, we’d done everything on Channel 26, so I called the number. Not only was there no tech support at the number they told me to call, BUT THE FUCKING PHONE WASN’T EVEN BEING ANSWERED! If it were ANYONE but Charter we were talking about here, I’d suspect a grand plan to frustrate me into a stroke; however, their complete and total lack of ability to do ANYTHING right leaves me perfectly willing to believe that the fucktards there aren’t going to be there all weekend to answer the phone. If they hadn’t ASSURED us that we’d have a connection, I’d’ve swallowed my pride, called SWBell and gotten our computer lines turned back on and called our wonderful old ISP. But they did, and I didn’t, because we simply don’t have the money to pay for two dedicated phone lines, two ISP accounts AND the cable service and two cable accounts, not even when I can write it off as a business expense.
So here it is, Saturday afternoon. I’ve worked my ass off all week (as has my husband) so that we could get the first evening we’ve had free in SIX WEEKS to go slay some virtual critters, and we are now both sans internet connection. Thanks to Charter. I am, at the moment, on my ancient AOL account on our house’s main line (thus tying up our phone) as I try to wring some answers out of these cornholes (to no avail, as one might surmise.)
So bugger it all. Charter and @Home, may the sands of time forever find their way into every bottle of Wet or Astroglide you may use. May your cell phones irradiate your brains into glowing mush, mutate your genes to those of Godzilla and cause you to give birth to children with all the loving qualities of the Menendez brothers. May you irretrievably lose your wheel lock and have four flats on the Dallas North Tollway outside the Galleria during the Saturday afternoon before Christmas. A pox on your houses, and Ebola to you all. Bah.
(P.S. Does anyone know anything about Starband???)
