A Premptive Pitting: Trump's Speech Today

Later today, Ill Douche is scheduled to make a speech. He was going to make a speech tearing the lid off the incredible, amazing and huge Clinton scandals. But he’s changed his focus, and now its going to be about national security.

His statements will be inflammatory, ill-informed, and dumber than a sack of wet mice. It will unfairly slander a big chunk of harmless and well-meaning people, but will be softened by a brief statement confirming his respect and admiration for them.

Afterwards, a collection of worn and haggard spokespersons will appear on various outlets to clarify that Trump did not actually say “My dick is bigger than Mohammed’s!” despite direct video of him saying precisely that.

And so it will go.

He already lied about the shooter, said he was born in Afghanistan and then moved here.

He’s called on Obama to resign over Orlando. What a putz. Let me get this straight- Bush ignores his briefing report that binLaden was about to strike using planes, thousands die as a result. But the death of 50 by a lone wolf nut should cost Obama his job.

I saw a blurb on the Google news feed that said Trump was going to give a “major” speech. Isn’t that how the last one was billed? Can’t the guy just give a speech? “Major”. I’ll hold my breath.

Trump’s pal, Roger Stone, is busy suggesting that Huma Abedin, the Vice Chair of Hillary Clinton’s campaign, is clearly a Muslim agent and America Deserves Answer. (Spoiler Alert: The Answer is, Muslims are scary.)

Meanwhile, Trump himself, plays the Good Guy With A Gun Card - always a loser. In fact there was an armed security guard there. Didn’t help a bit.

I saw the video. It shows Trump wrapping his dick around his head in the shape of a turban. And it’s totally real, too!!!

I unfortunately heard part of it, because I was at a public eatery. He promised to close immigration to people who didn’t share America’s values, mispronounced “Sharia,” as in “law,” and said that Hillary Clinton isn’t a true friend to the GBLT community (it took him a couple of tries to say “GBLT” right) because she wants to allow Muslims, haters of gays and women into the US. Then he said something about how since he wants to keep Muslims out of the US, you know who the real friend of women and gays is.

Then he pandered to the NRA some more.

I watched it just for the entertainment value. He gave the speech at Saint Anselm College in Manchester NH. Question. Is this a school specializing in rodeo clowning?

So it’s done already? Inquiring minds want to know: Was it Major?


Actually I don’t know, I didn’t watch it


Did he really say ‘bigly’?

LGBT. Just sayin’…

GBLT is a a BLT with Guacamole.

This is my new favorite epithet for Trump.

Can anyone explain the phenomenon where in any picture of Donald Trump giving a speech, his mouth always looks exactly like an orangutang’s asshole, and specifically the asshole of an orangutang about to deliver a fantastically massive dump? I’ve been noticing this for quite some time, but it’s really quite intriguing.

The Numb-Nutz Campaign just revoked the press credentials of the Washington Post - reported live on MSNBC. I don’t have a link yet.

Kind of a let down, except for the bold new proposal to enlist the NRA in protecting gun rights.

No picture for comparison? You’re actually going to make us Google “the asshole of an orangutang about to deliver a fantastically massive dump”?


Compared to Trump, wet mice are geniuses!