A Question For People That Are REALLY Overweight

In My Humble Opinion
61

Yeah, we had LOTS of meals that consisted of nothing but hamburger and pasta or hamburger and rice. And soda? Forget about it. I still can’t drink Mountain Dew, I have such a strong “DO NOT TOUCH” reaction to it. My grandparents gave us Shasta, but mainly we were left with punch (and that was more or less rationed, too). I think I was at least 14 before I was allowed a Coke to myself.

Also, I didn’t add this to my last post, but we were not fat. We were a bit bigger than our classmates, but that was purely genetic. Some people were not born to be size 2. We’re all short and solid people. Period. My sisters are not in the same boat I’m in, and while they’re “big girls” they are not overweight, and far from obese. The day i realized all those years I was convinced I was fat and worthless were a lie, I really did cry. I’m now convinced if I had a realistic self-image, I would have tried harder to not let myself go. But at the time, it didn’t seem to matter. How could it?

62

Same here. I ended up at size 14 by the end of high school but for my frame that’s about 180 and very comfortable. I look at pictures of myself when I was a little girl (little in size too) and my butt sticks out–it’s just the way it is made! But I look at pictures taken during a time I know I thought of myself as too fat, and I am basically in proportion and slim, but with curves the other girls may not have had.

63

When I was at my heaviest, I was invited to a 4th of July cook-out by one of my best friends. This girl and her family (the party was actually at her sister’s house) are as close to family as I have anymore. I love these people and they love me. At one point, I sat in a plastic lawn chair only to have it literally shatter beneath me. No one laughed, because they all loved me enough to know that at that moment, I would have given all the world for a shard of that plastic to have sliced my jugular and let me die.

I love physical comedy – in the most shameful way – Jerry Lewis is one of my all-time favorite actors/comedians. But in my eyes, physical comedy implies that the person or persons mean for the things to happen. I do find it offensive that many people expect obese/overweight people to laugh at themselves and that it is still a thing about which people are openly discriminatory and hateful. It makes me angry, probably more because I went from being “skinny and hot” to being super morbidly obese and back to “skinny and hot.” I have seen how people act differently to and around me and it sickens me. It is hard for me to find comedians funny who make fat jokes, even if they, themself are fat. how’s that for being uptight? I still see myself as fat. I will never see myself as “skinny and hot” because when I was this way before, people didn’t point it out, they just assumed I knew it (I didn’t), but for some reason, people feel a need to point out when you’re bigger around than tall – what, you think we don’t know that?

So, for all your ability to see humour in the fat guy sitting down on a bench and displacing the pencil-thin guy on the other end, but not the epileptic pissing himself, I say “what’s the difference?”

64

Going back to the gender questions in weight acceptability. I’m not sure if there is much of a different stigma besides sexually. By that I mean that I will be hated as much as any girl for my size if I’m the last one on a elevator, or for that matter an elevator with either a large guy or girl on it is just as likely to have some one pass it by for the next one.

Sexually there is generally the thought that men are supposed to be bigger then the women they date both in weight and height. Now this causes problems for tiny guys and large girls. The added problem that girls face is that fat is not considered beautiful so now they have to compete with both being larger and no as attractive. While an equal sized man only has to deal with the un attractive issue. Now I know there are girls who like large men but there are also guys who like large women and I think they are both few and far between.

The ability to be desired sexually does have a lot to do with the value we place on ourselves which is why some attractive people can be stuck up. I think that if you combine the theoretically lower self-esteem that women would have with what ever problems that caused them to gain weight in the first place I can see where being large would cause more problems for girls then guys.

Let me know what you think I could be way off base here.

65

Well for starters the epileptic pissing himself has the possibility of being seriously harmed. Humor of the fat guy on the bench is actually in the skinny guys reaction to finding himself up in the air not to mention no one was harmed. There is no insult to the fat guy the joke isn’t:

“This guy is so fat”
“How fat is he?”
“So fat he sat on a park bench and it lifted”

Its look at the skinny guy freaking out because he just found himself 5’ up in the air.

You know it was a good thing for your near family not to have laugh it probably would have destroyed your relationship with them. I have broken plenty of chairs in my day and it always hurts my feelings more when people feel the need to protect to poor dears feeling.

By the way a majority of physical comedy isn’t intentional the classic bit of a guy opening a door and running into the wall behind it doesn’t work if the guy knows the wall is there. :smiley:

66

I don’t know what point you’re trying to make, Oredigger. Are you saying that fat people should laugh at things that happen because they’re overweight, rather than being embarrassed about them?

67

Just out of curiosity, do you dislike coffee and beer as well?

I was reading about the phenomenon of “supertasters” recently and thought it might apply in this situation. There some links at the bottom of the Wikipedia page that give instructions on how to examine yourself and see if you fit the criteria.

68

Well… I’m not what you’d call morbidly obese, but on the BMI charts, I’m definitely in the obesity range with a 36. (in other words, 6’1" and about 275).

I’ve always been more or less this size- in high school I was thinner up to a point; my junior year, I was 6’1" and about 235, and played football - offensive line. I tore up my knee, and promptly blew up to about my present size.

Over time, I lost some of it, but more or less leveled out at about 250-260 and a 40" waist for the next 8-9 years. Then I gained some more, and got back to 275 (and a 42" waist) or so.

In spring 2000, I started working out and eating right, and lost about 60 lbs (and got to a 35" waist). This was great, although the main thing it did was boost my confidence. I had more success with the ladies, although in retrospect, it was 90% due to the confidence, and 10% due to being thin;

When I went to graduate school, I managed to gain it all back; now, a couple of years later, I’m back at 275 and a 42" waist. Luckily, I’m pretty broad shouldered and kind of barrel chested, so I mostly give off the really burly look instead of the amorphous blob look- basically I look a lot like a football player, even today.

What have I learned from this?

For one thing, the people who love you are going to love you just the same, regardless of your size.

Second, I’ve been fat and relatively thin, and other than gaining confidence, it wasn’t all that different. People didn’t really treat me much different after I gained the weight back, because the confidence stuck in spite of it.

Third, I’ve learned that at least for me, having enough spare time to work out 3 times a week without it seeming like my only non-work activity during the week is damned hard.

Fourth, I’m pretty happy as I am. The only reasons I have to get thin would be for health reasons and to fit into airline seats better; my fiance’ loves me like I am, and I love her just how she is. Other than that, the rest of the world can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine if they don’t like my size.

69

Very cool, bump. Thanks for that post!

70

According to the BMI scale, I’m morbidly obese.

I am fat. But due to some genetics and previous and ongoing exercise there’s muscle in there too. So whilst I am fat, I don’t look like I weigh as much as I do (if that makes sense).

I can dress myself, do my shoes, shave my legs, clean myself. My personal hygiene is still something I can attend to without issue. I can walk for most of the day, and frequently do as neither myself nor my husband drive. My other vitals, blood pressure, cholesterol etc are all still fine.

But I am obese, and I’m not happy nor content with my lot.

I can walk for the whole day, but I do still end up with sore feet and legs. I have joint pains and problems. I can’t run. I do get out of breath easily. Some seatbelts in cars will not fit around me properly. I have to buy clothes in the “large sizes” areas of stores. Sometimes they will fit, sometimes they won’t.

Food is a drug for me. I like salads and will eat them. But I love carbs, I love protein, I love fats. It’s not a meal unless there’s meat. I just don’t feel satisfied by those foods that are healthier for you.

Potatoes are a staple. I’m not big on sugars, but I am positively addicted to starchy, crunchy, salty foods. Crisps are one of my biggest weaknesses.

We never went hungry when I was growing up, but food was a big control issue. Mum would put things down that I hated (hello liver), and I would be forced to eat it. She would buy “no brand” foods that tasted of cardboard and horribleness, because she was a single mother and had to save money. But my friends would all have the proper “name brand” foods. So when I stayed with friends, these exotic treats, tasty foods, where harbingers of good times. Mum was a great baker, but only an average cook. But we still had to eat it, even if we didn’t like it.

My first job was at a pizza hut. Cheap or free pizzas to take home at the end of the night, to have for dinner instead of whatever it was mum cooked. Food is good. Good food is a reward for a good job.

I was pretty normal weight up until I started that job, then moving on from a pizza place to a call centre left me in a sedentary position, with my very own money to spend on what I liked.

And what I liked was food.

Somewhere in my mind, good food equates to love. I’m an awesome cook, mostly self-taught. I will go out of my way to buy food, to learn new recipes, to make something that my husband will like, to garner praise. I show my love for him by making the food, I feel the love from him when he praises my food. It’s an odd situation, because we do show and share our love with each other every day. But for me it feels more real, the food is a tangible representation of how much I love my husband, the effort I put into making the food is a display of what I feel for him. But there’s also the other side of the coin - there’s only two of us, in making the food for him, I’m also making the food for me.

I am not happy with my weight. I’d like to be able to walk around without ending up crippled by foot pain. I’d like to be able to run, to fit into seats properly, to buy clothes from any store, not just the size+ stores.

I exercise regularly, both by walking and by riding my exercise bike. I have tried diets, but the plateau seems to hit me after only a few weeks and after a few months, I don’t see the point in continuing because I’m just making myself unhappy by cutting off the things that give me pleasure and not showing anything for it.

My emotional issues with food need to be worked through. Then I can concentrate on the physical actions to lose the weight. I am making preparations to enter counselling, and also to undergo gastric banding to help me do this both physically and emotionally. Will surgery fix my problems? Not in one go, no. But it’s a stepping-stone in the right direction and I’m hoping with the push I’ll finally be able to get these monkeys off my back.

71

In fact, coffee and beer absolutely repulse me. If I ever go to starbucks I am drinking hot chocolate or that Izzy soda. I gagged and spit out a sip of guiness that was forced upon me by a friend who said, “how do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?” Dark chocolate was always left in my bag every year at Halloween for my parents to eat.

I will check out the wiki link and see what they have to say. Who knows, now maybe I will be able to explain to people WHY iceburg lettuce is repulsive to me.

72

After a quick view of the wiki page I think I might be a supertaster. All of the foods they list there as being problem foods are things I abhor. I would seriously rather go without food than eat those things. Hmm…very interesting indeed. I wonder if there is a way to change one’s status a supertaster or not?

73

Oh wow, thanks for all the replies.

I wanted to know what the emotional experience of being obese was, and how people deal with it, and I’ve learned a lot. Plus I’ve decided that my recent wondering about it is probably because I’m afraid of getting fat. My thing is that I am a supertaster, and also highly sensitive, so eating good food is almost like a spiritual experience for me. It’s just so good. Have you ever had a foodgasm? I have them all the time.

So many interesting and emotional responses here- I teared up more than once.

74

A big mama checking in here. I am definitely morbidly obese by medical standards. My doctor has established that.

In my culture, one is allowed to get away with quite a bit of excess weight, providing one “carries it well”.

I know this is going to sound silly, but I have noticed that attitude plays a big part of overall happiness for some fat people.

I love life, (especially food.) I still like to dress in low cut blouses and tight jeans (when appropriate, usually in the night clubs). I keep up with all of my friends, I get on all of the roller coasters, I laugh, dance, run, play. Doing those things make you feel good…if you feel good you are less likely to be affected by outside opinions of how you should look.

Of course, I mean large people that are able to do all of those things. I can’t speak for those that are not capable of running and jumping and carrying on.

75

Use it, don’t lose it!

:slight_smile:

76

I also want to chime in and say that this thread has been pretty enlightening. I figured a lot of this stuff before, but that’s just been confirmed.

77

I’ve posted about my weight issues a couple of times.

I’m a 6’3" male, and at my heaviest I was about 260. I decided that was too much, and lost it. I got down to 175, albeit very briefly. I tend to level out at 190 or so.

Anyway, physically, I feel so much better at 190 than even 210 or so. I can’t believe I got all the way to 260 after how miserable I feel at 210 these days. Everything sucks more with even 20 extra pounds on my frame. Getting out of my car is more awkward, and putting on my seatbelt is harder. Getting off the couch, walking up stairs, getting out of bed. I’m more tired, I sleep more, I feel worse.

175 I feel about oppositely awkward. Don’t get me wrong, I felt fantastic. I was in shape, I looked good, I had way more energy and slept less. But it didn’t feel like “me”, watching what I ate at every meal and running 5 miles a night, and 8 on the weekends. It was too much.

190ish, I feel exactly right.

Anyhoo, psychologically, I guess it was mostly in my head. I can’t recall ever really getting made fun of, or anyone treating me any differently when I was heavier. But I do remember trying to lose weight, and at 260 I’d go out to dinner with friends and get a Diet Coke and side salad. I felt like a freaking idiot being so heavy and ordering something like that, and I got the distinct impression the waitress was thinking “what the fuck?!”. It made it harder for me to eat well when I was going out, worried about what people would think about me losing weight.

Similarly, when I was 260 and started running, I’d do it at night so fewer people would see me. Now that I think about it, more than once someone yelled “run fatty!” at me from their car. It was some dumb high schoolers, and it did bother me. Someone also threw an empty soda bottle at me once, but I figure that had nothing to do with my weight.

But anyway, it was a battle to lose weight when people, it seemed, wanted me to stay heavier. My friends and family supported me of course, but the “outside” world seemed to want me big. Of course it was all in my head, but I couldn’t see that at the time.

Life is hard as a fatty, that’s for sure.

78

I just wanted to say I could have written these parts myself, especially the bolded parts.

79

Unless you are willing to remove chunks of your tongue, probably not. :stuck_out_tongue: It mostly has to do with the number of “taste buds” on your tongue, which isn’t easily changed.

80

Sure it is. Just spend a day at a national hot sauce competition, like they had here in Houston last week. Too many taste buds? Problem solved. :stuck_out_tongue: