So far the answer seems to be a resounding ‘do not do that’ in response to my idea–at least if I haven’t given her a heads up beforehand. I’m not wild about the note idea (other than a phone number written down beforehand), so I guess I’ll try to catch her on a slow day and ask in person.
bigbabysweets2000 and drachillix–you guys are hilarious, unfortunately my involvement in this situation precludes me from laughing–much.
Snoooooopy–Not severe as in extreme; severe as in stern/non-demonstrative. Think angles and planes as opposed to curves–attractive in the opposite way of ‘cute’.
Extrovert, 21, and yeah, I pretty much agree with everyone in the thread. I think the flowers are sweet but maybe overdoing it a bit at this stage–a simple “Hey, if you’re not too busy…” or your phone number should do.
(Definitely go for a slow day, though–speaking as a cashier, if someone’s trying to make small talk while there’s a lineup, you tend to get very flustered and distracted.)
I did the note thing with a bank teller once, and it worked (there had been a flirtatious relationship prior; she’d always made a point of saying hi, even if someone else was handling my transaction). I would not, however, suggest it.
Instead, I think toadbriar gives the best advice; make it a casual thing next time you see her. Us introverts tend to overthink the conversation, and that extreme preparation is what comes off as creepy. Better to be as simple as possible - the last girl I [del]dated[/del] slept with (who had worked in the same office building as me) was willing to spend time with me after I said, “Do you want to hang out sometime?”
Something that simple, IMHO, is the best move. Next time there’s idle chitchat in line, throw in, “we should hang out.” If she smiles and says, “OK”, then scribble your number on a piece of paper and hand it to her (do NOT come in with your number pre-written; it seems too planned). Or, she’ll give you her number.
That’s all you need to do. If she’s not into it, she’ll give some vague excuse about being really busy. In that case, don’t persist in pressuring her, and just accept it as a kind way of saying no. But, if she gives some option of time/place to talk later, or to meet later, then you’ve scored yourself a date!
Hell, I’m 28 and I feel the same way. Here’s looking right at you, Heather. (sigh, now it’s time for stalkerish web searches for my old favorite bass clarinet playing flirt)
Also, I note this thread does in fact serve as a partial answer to a question I asked a few months ago about polite ways to ask out a store clerk without seeming like a creep. Go, Straight Dope.
That’s the best answer I see - just tell her you’d like to talk to her for a minute and that you’ll wait till she’s done with her shift - you’ll meet her outside.
I’m a guy, and even I’m a little creeped out at the thought of waiting for her at the end of her shift. Best to make it quick, casual, and easy to move on after if she says no. At checkstand in non-busy situation: “<chat><chat>Wanna go out for a coffee sometime? No? No problem. <chat><pay for stuff>Take care.”
Meeting at a ‘third party’ location where either person can escape if something goes wrong is generally a good idea. (I am convinced this is a major reason for the success of Starbucks.)
Mind you, if she does say no, I’d avoid her checkstand for a few days. If you do happen to pass through her checkstand again soon after, do not mention it again or ask again. Pretend it never happened, and keep things cordial but businesslike.
Someone in another thread mentioned that it was a good idea to have cards printed up with name and contact info, for use in such situations. This is a good idea, but don’t make it look like you had the cards made specifically for this occasion!
(almost 44, and so intorverted that it practially pegged the meter last time I did a test)
I agree that waiting in the parking lot for close is creepy.
I’m thinking though that if you knew when she was going to arrive for work, then catching her in the parking lot then would be okay. I think. For instance if she always starts work at 2 or something. If her shift varies, then finding out when she’s working and showing up in advance would be creepy.
I vote strongly against this. It reeks of desperation and trying to rush things. Just go at a normal time, chat a bit, then ask her if she’d like to get coffee or something sometime, and if she says yes, get her phone number. If she says no, burst into tears, scream “you whore!” and run out of the store sobbing.
IMO, if she’s under 30, “get coffee” will sound weird to her, as will “grab a drink” or “go on a date”. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong (and I know you will), but I think the most natural parlance for the young kids these days is “hang out”.
Once she says yes (and I know she will - he’s a Doper, after all), then he can suggest what they’ll do (“grab a coffee” would be okay then, but “do the horizontal mambo” is probably not the best suggestion).
Ignore these wimps. Notes? Dates? Asking out for coffee?
Bullshit.
Grease up. It’s what all the young girls are going for these days. Lanolin is a good alternative, but goose fat is classier. And wear a distinctive hat. Be creative! The bolder the statement the better. You want to stand out from the crowd of other greased up guys, and make a lasting impression. Regarding dress, the fashion magazines tell me that y-fronts are back in, as are Speedos. And, I am informed by my “street” acquaintances, flowers are old hat. Vegetables are “wicked” these days. And Shakespearean English is the desired mode of address. Be direct and bold. And surprise her - ladies like surprises. Especially in the dark - it adds a note of elle ne sait pas to the offer.
Nothing attracts severe-faced young ladies more than the sight of a goose-fatted guy in skimpies and a bright green, feathered fedora leaping out from behind their cars at night bearing a huge bunch of cauliflowers and carrots, with the words “Madam, if I may be so bold, might we dally forthwith and make the beast with two backs on yon grassy tump?”
If music be the food of love, you’ll be having your pink oboe tooted on within a minute, and that’s my personal guarantee*.
The ‘stalking’ thing actually worked well for me. For me it involved tracking down the room where Rhiannon8404’s Econ final was and waiting outside in the hallway, but 16 years later we’re still going strong!
That being said, I wouldn’t suggest that approach. I was desperate; the semester was over! You’ve got time on your side. I think approaching her in the store, a few minutes before closing is good. Hopefully it’s not too crowded at that point. Be prepared to go somewhere that same evening, or to have to wait for another day, in case she doesn’t like being ‘surprised’.
::Reads Giraffe’s first post, looks up over desk at Giraffe. “I’ll take this under consideration.” Giraffe leaves. Incensed tosses post into wastebasket, cuts eyes at Autolycus, who is sniggering in the corner. “You’re not helping either.”::
Thanks for the input all. I guess I’ll try for a slow day and a casual approach. (Kythereia’s post is accurate–and one of the reasons I am so reticent to begin with.)
BTW, AHoosierMama, as I’ve said before, I’d be fine (or at least much better) if this were one on one–no matter what the outcome. Just being in public sets me on edge to a certain degree, and, if I feel as though I am drawing attention to myself (for whatever reason), I am intensely uncomfortable.
Uh, when you say “next door”, do you mean Chili’s or Flingers?
How about slipping her a note that says “Do you want to hang out? Check yes or no.”? Introvert here.
I’d say give her your number, but don’t wait outside her place of work because that’s just skeevey and would turn me off. (Granted, I’m somewhat introverted around people I don’t know…but it’s just giving me a bad, bad vibe.)
