A question for the ladies of the SDMB...

Mods, if this is in the wrong forum please move it-it struck me as a poll, so I put it here.

Og I’m such a dork, but here goes…

Background: There exists a girl with severe facial features and an impeccable pony-tail (hereafter The Girl) to whom I’m attracted. She’s a cashier in a large retail store (college job) and we met when I worked there also (very briefly-I am not cut out for ‘serving’ the public). Anyway I think there was a bit of chemistry between us but am not for certain; I was in a different department so we rarely had the chance for anything other than ‘hello’s’, the exceptions being the rare times our breaks overlapped and we might have a few minutes for a conversation in the break room. We seem to have hit it off–as well as two introverts can, anyway–and I think this could have led to something eventually, but, for the sake of my own sanity, I changed jobs only a couple of weeks after we had gotten comfortable speaking to one another. Since then (read-two months) I only see her when I need something from her store; if she’s working I’ll go through her line and we’ll have the little ‘how’s the new job?/how’s the old job?’ conversations, but, since the store is usually crowded, there isn’t really a chance to expand on these.

Now I am not a flirty indivual, nor, it seems, is she (not just with me–her general disposition) so our conversational snippets are hard for me to read. I think there is a good chance she would agree if I asked her out, but there really isn’t an opportunity to do so. If I had a chance for a couple of minutes of warm up conversation, I wouldn’t be worried, but even on my best day I would be unnerved by asking someone for a date/number out of the blue. Add to this the fact that we would be in a public place, probably with 2-3 other denizens in the queue behind me, and, quiet simply, I haven’t the nerve. If I had my ruthers, I wouldn’t ask her out at work to begin with, even if it the store was stone dead, but, since this is the only place I see her, I really don’t have a choice.

The Proposition: I work nearby, so I can see her car on my way to and fro, and have struck upon the idea of waiting for her on one of the nights that she closes*, meeting her in the parking lot-how romantic. :rolleyes: Obviously this situation also screams ‘stalker’, which, I’m guessing, is bad. But I’ve thought of everything and it seems to me that this is the only way I could make a proposal without being in earshot of half a dozen other human beings. I’ve run the idea by a female friend who said she wouldn’t mind being approached in this fashion and thinks that my doing so would be ‘sweet’. However, said friend is, shall we say, slightly vacuous and very open–not that this is bad, just that I don’t think she’s very similar to The Girl at all, and therefore her opinion is somewhat less than useful.

I suppose that I should say that feeling a genuine attraction toward a female is pretty rare for me. Physical beauty might grab my attention for a couple of seconds, but one coquettish titter makes me want to turn on my heel. The Girl is pretty, to be sure, but she also has a spark of intelligence in her eyes which, IMO, is exceedingly rare**, and will definitely hold my attention. In short, I don’t want to screw up any chance I may have by coming across as a stalker from the outset.

Questions for consideration:

  1. Ladies, if a clean cut, decidely non-threatening, somewhat attractive acquaintance waited for you (and asked for a date) outside of your work, how creeped out would you be?

A) Mace first, ask questions later.
B) Somewhat creeped out at first, but able to consider the proposition.
C) Not creeped out at all.

  1. Should I…?

A) Implement above approach.
B) ‘Fix my courage to the sticking point’ and ask her at the register, denizens and ego be damned.
C) Other (Please expound).

Also, please state your level of intro/extroversion.

*Store closes at 9pm.
**In either sex.

How about driving up at about three minutes past nine and being very disappointed that the store has closed? Check your watch, smack yourself in the forehead, mime your disappointment in your obviously deficient timekeeping skills, then move on to the “well, shoot, now that I’m here… how about a cuppa coffee/ice cream cone/beer/whatever after work so it shouldn’t be a total loss” maneuver? Takes a bit of work/acting skills but if you get busted doing it badly you can always go for the “sorry I’m such a dork, but I really wanted to ask you out but didn’t want to take a chance getting shot down in front of people or embarrassing you if I’m wildly off base and I also didn’t want hang around the parking lot to accost you after work because I’d hate to look like a creepy stalker 'cuz I kinda like you and would like to get to know you better” angle. Self deprecation and humor must abound along with sincerity to pull this one off.

Why yes, I am rather extroverted, why do you ask? :stuck_out_tongue:

Married 30 year old female introvert.

It depends entirely on location.

Dark, badly-lit parking lot with high walls and broken glass = creepy.

Daytime, well-kept parking lot in a fairly well traveled area = romantic.

Basically, you don’t want her to feel insecure.

I would try being near the (well traveled and well lit) exit when her shift ends, instead.

I’m leaning more toward slipping her a note at work with your number or just bucking up the courage to ask her, other customers in queue or not.

Hanging around the shop entrance or the parking lot creeps me out.

Back in my dating days, I was creeped out even when a coworker I didn’t particularly fancy asked me out while at work. In broad daylight, in the office. The idea of being approached in a parking lot, I wouldn’t have liked at all.

Unless I already liked the guy.

I’m with Ruby here. Slip her a note with your phone number. Try to find a time when her place isn’t particularly crowded. Does she get a break before her shift ends? (Of course, if she’s stuck in the retail place’s break room, that won’t work.)

Why not ask her simply what time her break is and ask her then

I’m with Ruby. I say wait till she’s not bizzy, make a little chat, be charming. Then give here your number and leave it up to her. And be brief, she’s at work.

Introvert here. I would also try to ask her in the store, during the day, audience be damned. I would much rather have a relative stranger asking me out during the day with people watching instead of a relative stranger showing up unexpectedly in the middle of the night, clearly having some knowledge of my comings and goings, and asking me out then.

That way, if I’m interested, it’ll be my favoritest day of work ever, and if I’m not interested, I don’t have to worry about a prolonged awkward moment because the customer behind you will be pushing you out of the way. :stuck_out_tongue:

SmartAleq-I could probably pull the second part of your suggestion off. I’m good in one on one situations (not in an unctuous way-just confident, sincere) its just the part of getting to that situation that has me stymied.

Risha-The situation would fall somewhere in between; it would be at night, but in an open/well lit parking lot in a good area, with a few of her co-workers in the general vicinity. Incidentally the part about not making her insecure is foremost in my mind. I empathize with women (well, as best I can) about the situations which they have to be acutely aware of that I wouldn’t give more than a fleeting thought–hence the thread.

To the others; The Girl is relegated to a dreaded break room, so that approach is nixed. As to the note w/number, I’d thought of that but had dismissed it as either childish or forward. Is this not the case?

Go with the note/phone number thing, but fold the paper up into a “cootie catcher” and offer to tell her fortune. Of course, all the “fortunes” are your phone number… :smiley:

Go through her checkout line, make a little small talk (have to wait until her line isn’t busy for this), hand her a note that says, “Coffee?” and your phone number. Smile and move on. Then maybe go through her line again in a couple of days, just in case she’s too shy to call you. If she says anything then, run with it. If she doesn’t, well, you tried.

College age daughter says waiting in the parking lot is definitely creepy.

I agree with everyone else, the parking lot is creepy.

Just wait for her in her car.

There are plenty of small minimally threatening flower arrangements you could send along with your phone number, address, email addy, known hangouts, etc.

DO NOT include penis pic.

Guy here.
I’m 55 and most of my chasing girls days are behind me. (damn it). I do not regret any of the girls I asked out or kissed. I do regret some the girls I didn’t ask out or kiss. (Cathy if you are reading this, I am looking at you)
YMMV of course, but I have been there done that. I also have the t-shirt to prove it.

I believe it is customary to report when a thread is referenced in a pitting. I have referenced this thread in a pitting. However, I do not pit the OP, nor do I pit anyone here. I merely pit the concept of dating, and the ritual surrounding it. Furthermore, I do not offer elaborate or articulate reasons for said pitting. The act of pitting I leave to speak for itself.

To the OP: My sincerest wishes for good fortune.


Introvert here, by the way.

So, what exactly will your proposal be? What do you want to do? Do you know what kind of thing she likes to do?


Whatever you do, avoid mentioning “severe facial features.” That’s a weird turn of phrase. Every time I read it, I can’t help but picture Eric Stoltz in Mask.

Introvert, single female.

How about getting there a bit before closing and telling her you’ll wait for her outside? To me that’s non-threatening… going out (at which time I’m pretty much on automatic) and having you there unexpectedly would make me jump quite high.

If you’re standing between her and her car you’re “cutting off her means of escape.” That’s threatening unless you’re smaller than a hamster.

Good heavens just go through her line around 8:45pm, make small chat, and say *Hey, I’m going for a bite, d’you want to come with me after you punch out? I’ll wait for you if you like.

A note would creep me out slightly. I’d be thinking of you writing it, laboriously composing it to get the tone and handwriting just so. I’d be picturing you hunched over it with sweat on your upper lip and a pathetic pile of smudged, crumpled bad starts behind your chair.

If it was me, I’d feel that a lot of effort and preparation - just to ask me out for a coffee or whatever - implied that you’d been thinking a lot of me before really getting to know me. In my experience, guys who do that are often more interested in the idealized, imaginary version of the girl than the girl’s real thoughts and opinions.

Get creative when you propose, not when you ask her out.

And yeah, I overthink stuff. But somehow I don’t feel that I am alone in that…!

–33 year old introverted female, by the way

I vote for next time you’re at the store, pre-write a note with your phone number/email/carrier pigeon dropspot that says, “I liked hanging out with you when I worked here. I’d like to see you again, for coffee or dinner or a drink, if you’re available. Not trying to be an ass. Call me if you’re interested.” Hand it to her with your money, on top, when you go through her line. Subtle. Or come in close to closing and say, “Hey, I’m going to be at this local place, if you’d like to meet me there for coffee/food/drinks,” since it’s unlikely she gets to leave when the store closes - there’s always cleanup and stuff. If she likes you enough, she’ll call or meet you or whatever. It gives her the option. I’m female, somewhat introverted, etc. Notes are much less creepy if they’re kept short and to the point.

Hanging out in the parking lot in order to get the first date is creepy. Do not do that. Or indeed, to get the second or third date. The guy that shows up unexpectedly at work when you’ve been dating a while is cool. The guy that shows up before about the fourth date is a stalker.

ETA: If you know a particular interest of hers from your conversations, try to make that the focus of the note or suggestion. But don’t make it something too personal or entrapping. Say she likes “Star Wars”. “Hey, discount movie theater is playing Star Wars or something related, or something you think she might like based on that, I’m going, it doesn’t start until later, meet me outside if you want to,” is good. “Hey, would you like to come to my house and watch Star Wars,” is bad.