I'm receiving some seriously mixed signals from this woman. Care to help me decipher them?

In My Humble Opinion
1

First of all, damn, I feel as if I’ve been documenting my entire romantic life of the past 2-3 years on these boards. Sadly, a look at my post history reveals that I’ve not been remarkably successful in this arena, but I press on anyway. Onto the issue at hand…

Alright, my current dilemma pertains to an altogether different woman whom I’ve hitherto not discussed on the SDMB. Unlike the past few ladies, however, I didn’t meet this particular woman in school; rather, I met her at work (of all places) several months ago when I’d temporarily been transferred to a new location. I remember at the time being slightly surprised by how aggressively she seemed to approach me & gain my interest. During my last day working in this area, she even asked me for my phone number (yup) & my twitter handle, and subsequently we maintained somewhat regular contact via those two mediums after I returned to my home work location.

All of this would seem to suggest that she’s into me, right? Well, here’s where the rub comes in.

About a month ago, I asked her out to dinner whereupon she immediately said yes. The night that we were supposed to go, however, she backed out claiming that she had some family chores to attend to instead. A few days later, she asks ME if I could meet her and some friends at a nearby bar; unfortunately, I had to decline that invitation because I had to get up ungodly early the next morning for work. I told her that we should keep in touch in order to see if anything would work out in the coming days.

Nothing actually happened for a couple weeks until she invited me to a party with a bunch of her coworkers. We hung out at that event for several hours & everything (seemingly) went well, giving me the impression that this might be heading somewhere.

This brings us up to this week: a couple days ago I asked her out to breakfast, which she actually claimed to be up for but unable to go anyway due to her work schedule. Subsequently, I asked if she could do something on another day that she had off; to this, she said that she might’ve been able to do something in the afternoon, but because I had to work in the afternoon this possibility was a nonstarter as well.

The thing is, I’m about to leave the state for a week to go visit some family & I’d really like to see this woman one last time before I leave. I told her this via text message - not my preferred method of communication, to be honest (it’s her’s) - and I haven’t heard back from her since.

Confused yet? I certainly am. Please help me to ascertain whether there’s some genuine interest here or if I’m otherwise just spinning my wheels.

A couple things to consider: This woman is actually moving to another city in a few weeks in order to attend her new college in the fall. However, she plans on commuting home every weekend to see her family, and she also knows that I’m not moving away for school. Note that we both finished CC a couple months ago, but we’re gonna be attending different unis in the fall.

That footnote has actually given me pause from the start, making me wonder if she is interested in the whole bf/gf thing at all given that she’s moving away.

2

I’ve had women tell me repeatedly that they’re not interested, only to have them rip my clothes off later. I’ve had women tell me they want me, only to blow me off and disappear without saying goodbye. I’ve also had everything in between.

All signals from women are mixed and undecipherable, all the time. The only time you can be sure she wants to date you or have sex with you is *after *she has dated you or had sex with you (and even then, it can often be difficult to guess why she did it).

Women probably think the same of men. That’s just how humans work.

3

My advice is to relax and quit overthinking every text message, every raised eyebrow, every excuse. Just relax. If she’s in to you, you’ll hear back from her.

Some relationships start cooking right away, and some need some time to marinate first.

4

I think you’re both interested, both working at least a little to maintain forward momentum, and your schedules are both hideously incompatible. If you keep plugging away at this it might be great, but you’re going to have to make some changes and adjustments as you go along. At any given time, the short term looks bad because you’re making longer-term commitments to your schedule to do other things (college, moving, work, travel). Tell her you’d like to make a similar longer-term commitment to get together since that’s how you seem to lay out your schedule: Pick a holiday a couple months out and find something you can agree on. Labor Day parade, watching Survivor together when the new season starts, Halloween, local SF convention coming in the fall, whatever.

5

Maybe it’s just me, but “sorry, can’t, it’s a school night” is a lame excuse. Then again, I’ve returned home from a date with just barely enough time to shower before heading to work.

6

She sounds either flaky or incredibly busy. You’ve put the ball firmly in her court with your last text message. Let *her *message *you *back now.

This is not correct. Regardless of gender, a person who is really into you will make time for you. Don’t you want to date someone who has similar priorities to you? A good potential partner will be honest with you about what they want. There are people of both genders who play games, but game-playing is an indicator of emotional immaturity. And women who want to feel “pursued” are playing games.

I mean, if OP wants to play, then by all means–have fun. Just don’t mistake it for something more serious.

7

It just sounds like two busy people trying to get their free time to match up. For all you know she hasn’t responded yet because she’s trying to figure out a way to see you before your trip. Play it cool.

8

It sounds like it was just a problem of timing, and that you are over-analyzing things. I wouldn’t read too much into it. She seems into you, but you are both on different schedules and it might be hard to line things up. Keep in mind, you’ve had to decline her invites as well, so she’s obviously showing interest.

One thing I might add, though - I really hope you are just looking for a “summer fling” or something of that note. I would highly discourage you from entering into a new, serious relationship when the majority of it is going to be long-distance.

9

I agree with this. That excuse reminds me of the “Maybe He’s Just Not Into You” book. I think all you can do is let her know you’re into her and keep trying to schedule something. You could probably be a little more assertive.

10

I’m not seeing any outreach on her part since you hung out together at the party. I’m sorry to say, but it may be that she’s decided that you two just did not click.

11

Women often have trouble deciphering what they think are mixed signals from men - but in my experience, the same cliche applies to both genders: **if you’re getting mixed signals, he/she is probably not that into you. **

12

It’s also a sign on inexperience on either the sender or receiver.

13

These signals are consistent with her being interested in you at first, then losing interest. They aren’t mixed.

14

This is a distinct possibility as well that has certainly crossed my mind.

The thing that makes me question this analysis is her response to my invitation for breakfast. She did claim that she was up for it as opposed to immediately saying no or finding another way out of it, but her schedule apparently didn’t line up in such a way to make it possible.

15

Saying a flat “no” seems rude or mean, so many people say instead “I’d like to, but I can’t.”

16

The first interchange sounds like she got cold feet at the thought of meeting you alone at the last minute, but then still wanted to meet you (indicating interest) so invited you to come hang with her and some friends so she could hang with you in a lower-pressure situation. The subsequent ones sound like scheduling hassles, but you know, if people REALLY want to do something, they generally manage to find time to do it.

17

This.

Write her one last time, then delete her number.

If she answers you, you’ll have her number again and you can take it from there.

If she doesn’t answer you, forget her and move on.

18

Like the time he asked her out, she said sure, how about the afternoon, and he said no, I have to work?

19

Turning him down for breakfast one day and then responding to his follow-up request by saying she *might *be able to on another afternoon just doesn’t convey enthusiasm, in my view. It doesn’t sound like she’s initiated any contact with him since that party.

And that’s the best case. From the way he wrote that she said she “might’ve” been available, it sort of looks like he said “how about on your day off – I’m available except in the afternoon,” and she responded, “gee, I’m sorry, I might’ve been available in the afternoon but not otherwise.” I.e., I’m only available when I know you’re not.

I dunno; he says that when they first met, she was seeking him out, and it seems to me that lately she’s been putting him off, and now she’s not responding. Maybe I’m wrong and she’s still interested, but it just looks like the mood has shifted.

20

I never waste my time on someone who doesn’t want to waste their time on me.