A question for the ladies of the SDMB...

In My Humble Opinion
41

Latecomer to the thread, but 42/m/introvert

Nix the waiting in the parking lot.

Go through her line sometime when it’s slow and if she’s in a good mood ask if she’d like to get a coffee/ ice cream/ burger/ whatever sometime. Alternately ask if you can call her sometime.

If she answers yes, jot down your # then. Don’t go in with it already written down. Someone already noted that that would come across as planned. And there are girls who would take it to mean that you assumed she would say yes and would be offended.

42

I think that IF you’re not normally creepy (and a lot of times people who give off a natural creepy vibe don’t really know if that they are, so ask a friend), next time you’re at her register, while she’s ringing up your purchase, (not beforehand) you could write her a note that says, "Call me if you want to hang out sometime. (phone number). " I think that if this happened to me, and I knew the guy somewhat, as she knows you, that would be perfectly fine and I would be slightly flattered.

I think that chatting her up on a slow day might be kind of tough, in that you’d have to keep randomly going in to the store at different times on different days to find a day that is both 1) slow and 2) worked by her. If her co-workers saw and noticed a pattern, they could find that weird. To me, anything that hints of too much prior work is kind of sketch.

Just my $0.02
23, female, extrovert.

Gestalt

43

[QUOTE=Gestalt]
I think that chatting her up on a slow day might be kind of tough, in that you’d have to keep randomly going in to the store at different times on different days to find a day that is both 1) slow and 2) worked by her. If her co-workers saw and noticed a pattern, they could find that weird. To me, anything that hints of too much prior work is kind of sketch.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, don’t go randomly. Just stand there all day, about 15 feet away, staring in her general direction. This will allow you pinpoint a slow time, and bonus! women like when you pay attention to them. Very very close, unblinking attention.

44

[QUOTE=Incensed
Thanks for the input all. I guess I’ll try for a slow day and a casual approach. (Kythereia’s post is accurate–and one of the reasons I am so reticent to begin with.)[/QUOTE]

Just don’t go there every day to see how busy she is. The rest of the girls will notice and start saying “hey, there is your stalker again”

45

[QUOTE=Gestalt]
I think that IF you’re not normally creepy (and a lot of times people who give off a natural creepy vibe don’t really know if that they are, so ask a friend),
[/QUOTE]

This raises an interesting question. Those people that everyone talks about as being slightly creepy/having a strange vibe to them…do they have a lot of friends, typically? Would their friends say, casually, “Yeah, you sort of seem creepy”? Are most of them creeps or it just a vibe that’s totally beyond their control?

46

[QUOTE=Zoggie]
This raises an interesting question. Those people that everyone talks about as being slightly creepy/having a strange vibe to them…do they have a lot of friends, typically? Would their friends say, casually, “Yeah, you sort of seem creepy”? Are most of them creeps or it just a vibe that’s totally beyond their control?
[/QUOTE]
This is an important question.

As I mentioned elsewhere, there was a thread about ‘what makes a guy creepy’ that delved into this question.

Now, I can easily imagine actual creepy behaviour: looking at the other person as a thing or object to be used, instead of meeting them on the same level and looking at them as a person. The creepy pageant photo retouching is creepy IMHO precisely because it demumanises the children in the photographs: they might as well be objects.

But is it possible to give off a creepy vibe without intending to act creepy?

:: looks ::

Hmm. there seem to be two threads about creepiness, one on looks, and one on behaviour.

47

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
But is it possible to give off a creepy vibe without intending to act creepy?

:: looks ::

Hmm. there seem to be two threads about creepiness, one on looks, and one on behaviour.
[/QUOTE]

I remember the thread about what LOOKS creepy (didn’t see the behavior one, but I’ve since checked it out. Interesting how it’s much shorter than the appearance one).

I feel like a lot of people whose social skills are lacking often make others feel really uncomfortable without meaning to. Those with Asperger’s (or some degree of it), for example. I think that can translate to creepy. And some of those behaviors (close talking, etc.) were pretty spot on. I’m just wondering if you can say to someone like that, “You have a tendency…now don’t take this the wrong way…to come off as a bit…a BIT strange…very…vaguely…creepy.” They’re probably going to be somewhat upset or insulted no matter how you phrase it.

Hmm. Maybe this deserves a thread of its own.

48

[QUOTE=Zoggie]
This raises an interesting question. Those people that everyone talks about as being slightly creepy/having a strange vibe to them…do they have a lot of friends, typically? Would their friends say, casually, “Yeah, you sort of seem creepy”? Are most of them creeps or it just a vibe that’s totally beyond their control?
[/QUOTE]

Good point; although sometimes they have siblings or other close relatives who know them, and know they’re not actually creepy, they just seem that way, who could clue them in. Sometimes people, including me for a long time, who don’t mean to be creepy can do very creepy things, like waiting in a parking lot for someone to leave work. Thus, the need for feeback from others.

Gestalt

49

[QUOTE=Ruby]
I’m leaning more toward slipping her a note at work with your number or just bucking up the courage to ask her, other customers in queue or not.

Hanging around the shop entrance or the parking lot creeps me out.
[/QUOTE]
Slipping her the note worked wonders for me back in my callow youth. I told her I would like to get acquainted and asked her to call me if she was agreeable.

50

So you ask her out yet?

51

[QUOTE=jjimm]
Ignore these wimps. Notes? Dates? Asking out for coffee?

Bullshit.

Grease up. It’s what all the young girls are going for these days. Lanolin is a good alternative, but goose fat is classier. And wear a distinctive hat. Be creative! The bolder the statement the better. You want to stand out from the crowd of other greased up guys, and make a lasting impression. Regarding dress, the fashion magazines tell me that y-fronts are back in, as are Speedos. And, I am informed by my “street” acquaintances, flowers are old hat. Vegetables are “wicked” these days. And Shakespearean English is the desired mode of address. Be direct and bold. And surprise her - ladies like surprises. Especially in the dark - it adds a note of elle ne sait pas to the offer.

Nothing attracts severe-faced young ladies more than the sight of a goose-fatted guy in skimpies and a bright green, feathered fedora leaping out from behind their cars at night bearing a huge bunch of cauliflowers and carrots, with the words “Madam, if I may be so bold, might we dally forthwith and make the beast with two backs on yon grassy tump?”

If music be the food of love, you’ll be having your pink oboe tooted on within a minute, and that’s my personal guarantee*.

*Does not constitute a guarantee.
[/QUOTE]

Brilliant. It’s too bad we can’t actually do stuff like this. Imagine how much more amusing the day would be! I knew a guy in a smallish town who kind of did do this sort of thing. He’d wear an all-black body leotard and a period hat and skulk around the local historic graveyard just after twilight. He’d try to throw a brief scare into walkers, passersby, tourists, etc. before scuttling away into the darkness. He was just hoping to create a buzz, and get the rumors flying. Whenever he went to a restaurant with a group of friends, he’d wait till the waitress came to the table, and then he’d exclaim in an English-accented falsetto: Oh, deahh me! I’ve fahhtted!

Well, we were young, and I guess he was just an ass, but most people adored him, and he never had to work a second to get chicks – they were all over him.

I see that this is an older resurrected thread, so it’s probably too late, but my only advice to the OP is don’t bother this girl at work. It’s unfair. We’ve had numerous threads about giving notes/flowers to women at work. It’s a bad idea. They’re trapped there. There’s no way for them to avoid you, if that’s what they want to do. And their colleagues, if not the clients, will immediately be in on the romance. You must know her name. There must be some other way to meet her.

52

[QUOTE=Red Barchetta]
So you ask her out yet?
[/QUOTE]
She hasn’t called yet.

53

This is how I met my current GF. I didn’t know her before, I was trying to buy some glass vases and almost dropped them to the floor. She came to try and help me, but the situation was controlled. Still, there was this deep look…
At check-out time, I chatted a little bit and an older lady noticed my interest and said “this boy sees your cute face and he likes it”, to which I replied (loud enough that she could hear it) “And not only the face smile”. I then asked her if she had a boyfriend - she didn’t - and we made plans for coffee after her work.

I should probably mention she asked me, but I was the one who asked straight up if she had a boyfriend, so I still feel I took the first step.

54

[QUOTE=LouisB]
She hasn’t called yet.
[/QUOTE]

Maybe I’m dense, but what?

55

bump!

56

Okay, now I want to know what happened with the OP, too.

57

Damn you OP!

58

[QUOTE=Red Barchetta]
Maybe I’m dense, but what?
[/QUOTE]
You posted ‘did ya ask her out yet’ or words to that effect right after I posted about giving a girl a note asking her to call if she was interested. I thought your post referred to mine; sorry for my error.

59

[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
How about driving up at about three minutes past nine and being very disappointed that the store has closed? Check your watch, smack yourself in the forehead, mime your disappointment in your obviously deficient timekeeping skills, then move on to the “well, shoot, now that I’m here… how about a cuppa coffee/ice cream cone/beer/whatever after work so it shouldn’t be a total loss” maneuver? Takes a bit of work/acting skills but if you get busted doing it badly you can always go for the “sorry I’m such a dork, but I really wanted to ask you out but didn’t want to take a chance getting shot down in front of people or embarrassing you if I’m wildly off base and I also didn’t want hang around the parking lot to accost you after work because I’d hate to look like a creepy stalker 'cuz I kinda like you and would like to get to know you better” angle. Self deprecation and humor must abound along with sincerity to pull this one off.

Why yes, I am rather extroverted, why do you ask? :stuck_out_tongue:
[/QUOTE]

This would totally work with me. Much better than waiting by her car, that would be a wee bit unnerving at best.

How I would feel about someone approaching me, especially at my car, would depend entirely upon how I felt about them in the first place. If I were The Girl and I knew you and had hoped you’d ask me out, I’d be flattered and say yes (though I think most girls would be slightly taken aback by the “waiting by the car” thing).

If I was indifferent and thought of you as merely an ex-coworker/acquaintance, the “creep meter” would edge up a few points, but probably still not to alarm status.

FWIW and in this girl’s opinion, the “creepmeter” depends entirely upon how the girl feels about the guy in the first place (and not so much to do with whether he is clean-cut…etc), with the needle edging into the red with a stranger or man she already dislikes and gradually going down on the dial depending upon how well she knows and likes him.

I’m a 48 yo woman, and I’m mot sure if I’m an extrovert or an introvert. About men, I believe I’m introverted, about teaching dance and at work? Extrovert. :smiley: