A question of tact ...

My letting agent came round to view the property as is agreed in the tenancy.
A woman called Karen, turned up on my doorstep to do the viewing.
She was about my age, 32, freckled and behaved a little ditzy.
I had taken the day off work for the inspection and she had forgotten to bring the keys for the property and was glad I was in.
Something struck me about her, she seemed familiar.
Reminded me of a girl who was in my class in Infants.

While actively engaging her in conversation, thereby distracting her from scrutinising the physical state of the property. It turns out that she came from the same village as I did.
Then moved away.
Thats when it clicked, who I think she is.
The girl called Karen back in Infants was a freckle faced bean stalk with strawberry blonde hair and more teeth then you could fit in a mouth.
The reason I remember her is because of an incident that occurred that sticks in your brain.
We were in class just after register had been taken and the Head walks in with a very dour Karen. The Head explains that Karen’s father had been killed by a motorcycle.
A few months later Karen is gone.
Now Karen may well have married or she may just be a completely different person. She didn’t recognise me but then I didn’t have some life altering event she witnessed to remember me by.
I am though curious. Would it be bad form to ask her if she is who I think she is.
The only reason I remember her is that her dad was tragically killed, other than that I have no interest in her other than proving to myself she is who I think she is.
Is this a leave sleeping dogs lay, scenario?

I’d ask her. Presumably she’s gotten over the trauma of her father’s death, and “fresh emotional wounds” would be the only reason not to.

Er, what is that, a nursing course? :confused:

ETA: You might mention she reminds you of a girl you went to school with, and mention your school and village. That way, if she doesn’t want to remember she has an out.

I would ask her too. Seems likely that she’s the little girl you remember. Ask her if she was in Infants at the same time and place as you (even if she doesn’t remember exactly, she’ll probably be able to tell you whether it was likely). She might even bring up why you remember her. If not, you can bring it up in some gentle manner.


Part of me wants to maintain an objective distance.
She rang today to say she would be checking the property again in August because “she likes to be nosey” as she actually sweetly put it.
Which is what put this thread in my head in the first place, recalling her first visit.

The reason that this is nagging me is that while I want to know either way, once I know it’ll be an “Oh” or an “Ah”. Which will just be embarrasing for her.
There is nothing worse than I can think of then someone saying … I remember you from X!
Then on seeing the realisation on the persons face, give a happy grin and stop talking.
Pregnant pauses and uncomfortable silences ensue.

Is Infants what we would call Nursery school, or even Kindergarten? Four years old, or five years old, respectively?

Why do you think there would be uncomfortable silence? You’re not planning to say something like “Oh, I remember that you looked kind of sad when they announced that your dad had died, and that’s the only reason I remember you”, are you? Just saying you remember her from Infants isn’t going to remind her that that is the year her dad died. I don’t see why your bringing up the memory of knowing her back then would be an uncomfortable experience.

Infant school seems to be what we’d call preschool to first grade, as webpages say it’s for 4/5-7 year olds.

As for the OP’s issue, I’d go with “You remind me of a girl I went to school with. Your name didn’t used to be Karen ___, did it?”

The first thing I thought of was some kind of Infant Development course, as in college psych…but those don’t generally have headmasters.

But could you really recognize someone that you hadn’t seen since kindergarten/pre-school?

Sure! At my university registration, I recognized a girl I hadn’t seen since we were six, and she recognized me. Or perhaps we both have very distinct features, but I’m pretty ordinary, so I don’t think that’s it. Childhood impressions can be very deeply ingrained in one’s memory.

With regards to the age/school.

The village was the largest in the local area, as such it had three schools which sat on three corners of a very large multi-use field.
The schools were known as Infants, Juniors and Seniors.
The senior school was much larger then the other two and catered for pupils from the out lying villages.
Infants was for 4 - 7s
Juniors was for 7 - 11s
Seniors was for 11 - 16s

The Junior school had been the original Victorian school and only school in the village. When the village expanded the original school was too small for the number of children so the two other schools were built.

I would say I was 5 or 6 when Karen left.

“Hey, I know this sounds weird, but you remind me of a girl I went to school with - you’re not <insert name>, are you?” = OK

“Hey, you’re not that girl I went to school with whose dad died, are you?” = BAD.