A rant in song about Campbell's soup and the anguish that came of it.

The BBQ Pit
1

I have a cold, I sneeze a lot
My Kleenexes[sup]tm[/sup] are full of snot
I barfed very hard and barfed some more
so I got in the car and I went to the store
(He got right in the car and he went to the store)

I went to the store with a master plan
to get some Campbell’s soup in it’s own tin can
(He went to the store with a master plan
to get some Campbell’s soup in it’s own tin can)

At the grocery store I got a cart
And I had a list that I thought was smart
I picked up some kleenex and some Contac too
And headed for the aisle filled with soups and stews.

(He headed for the aisle filled with soups and stews.)

I went to the aisle while feeling quite queasy
But endured because I thought that this would be easy

(He went to the aisle while feeling quite queasy
But endured because he thought that this would be easy)

I look on shelves both high and low
For the kind of soup I wanted to stow
In my cart to take to my house
In the hopes that my cold it would douse

(In the hopes that his cold the soup would quickly douse)

There were shelves and shelves of soup and broth
I couldn’t find the chicken noodle and became quite wroth

(There were shelves and shelves of soup and broth
He couldn’t find the chicken noodle and became quite wroth)

I found the chicken noodle and I took it back
And opened the can (I was quite laid back
Till I looked inside and saw with my eyes agleem
That it wasn’t chicken broth but chicken noodle-CREAM!

(That it wasn’t chicken broth but chicken noodle-CREAM!)

Chicken Cream with Noodle soup’s just wrong
And we’re near to the end of this too-long song

(Chicken Cream with Noodle soup’s just wrong
And we’re near to the end of this too-long song)

Now fellow sickies heed my words
(this advice also goes for all you drunkards)
If you’re feeling sick, to avoid being a fool
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule

(Be careful to be guided by this golden rule)

Trust Campbell’s not and follow this plan:
Carefully examine the label on the can

(Trust Campbell’s not and don’t trust that clan
Carefully examine the label on the can)

The upshot of what happened was that the can was labeled:
CAMPBELL’S
creamy
CHICKEN NOODLE
And in my sinus-aching, projectile sneezing state, I missed the creamy. The only reason I get Campbell’s is for the comfort-food/nostalga factor. There are better soups. BUT “creamy” Chicken Noodle is disgusting (Cream of Chicken=OK. Chicken Noodle=OK. Cream of Chicken with Noodles=Disgusting.) And they deceptively advertized me!

The bastards.

Fenris

2

Good God, you must be near death to say something like that.

3

I avoid this problem by always keeping a supply of Chicken (non-Creamy) Noodle Soup on hand, purchasing it when my eyes, mind and sinuses are clear. As a matter of fact, I just replenished my stock by taking advantage of a sale at my local Dominick’s - 3 cans for 99 cents.

Nice song, though. I particularly liked the Gilbert & Sullivan chorus effect.

4

My preference is Chicken & Rice soup with an occasional bowl of Vegetable Beef when I need souplike substances that I haven’t made myself. I also keep a steady supply of these cans in my pantry. I regard them as staples.

5

Lurkmeister and Lynn: I normally have 'em on hand but I was down to only two cans that had been crammed in the back of the pantry and apparently they were from my college days 'cause the “Best Used By” date on the cans was 1993. :eek: I figure I don’t need botulism in addition to a nasty sinusy cold.

Chicken Soup with Rice* is my second preference and I picked up a couple o’ those too: luckily they were not creamy.

Fenris

*Obligitory Maurice Sendak moment:
In January it’s so nice
While slipping on the sliding ice
To sip hot chicken soup with rice
Sippin’ once, sipppin’ twice
Sippin’ chicken soup with rice

6

On a slight hijack, Campbells itself used to advertise its soup using another G&S tune, the Major-General’s song. British actor Martyn Green was responsible for that one. It was not, however, nearly as clever as Fenris’s song, as it consisted mostly of just rattling off the names of the 32 types of soup Campbells offered at the time.

7

It’s clear that our Fenris has suffered a-plenty
Too bad in a pinch his eyes weren’t 20-20,
But any more talk about things being creamy
And this thread could end up becoming quite steamy.

8

What makes it particularly surreal is that I am listening to G&S’s ‘When I was a Lad’ from HMS Pinafore as I read this thread… The effect of reading one set of words, and listening to another, both using the same tune, is causing my brain to ooze out of my ears…

9

But don’t you know, that’s a kid’s soup! (I hate that Progresso commercial.)

10

You should know when you’re feeling shoppily
That Campbell’s has a near monopoly.
So, if you don’t like what’s on the shelf
You had better learn to make the soup yourself.

If YOU don’t like what’s on the shelf
You really ought to learn to cook your soup yourself.

11

Fenris, I think you should just stop eating.

Clearly food has been a great torment for you of late.

12

Fenris should probably stop ordering soup and salad.

13

Yeah! Stick with the main course, Bub!!

14

Ooh that evil Progresso…why is it they put down Campbell’s when I am a campbell’s fan for life? Makes me wanna cut them (the Progresso people that is)up and stuff them into their own soup cans.:smiley:
Hope you feel better soon,Fenris.

IDBB

15

Emphasis mine. Can we give them some kind of award for their creativity of vocab usage?

16

I’m married, but could I take you on as my lover on the side? Please?

17

[Tim Horton’s commercial]
Chicken…and noodles? That’s crazy!
[/Time Horton’s commercial]

18

Is it just me, or does the metre get a bit…off there at the end…?

Creamy Chicken and Noodle? That’s just barfagrody.

You should eat more onions and garlic.
Raw.
Lots of them.
No more colds.
IANAD.
But I don’t get colds anymore.

19

Oh, and I heard Duke’s post as Brian Fellows.

20

Let me guess…it’s because no one can get close enough to you to infect you?