My gf and I often like to visit the Barnes and Noble that’s nearby, to drink coffee and read. Throughout the course of our times there, we’ve met and talked with lots of interesting people. It seems like bookstores attract a wide, wide variety of people. This thread is about one such meeting.
We were at B&N last week and I was browsing the magazine aisle looking for The Atlantic when I ran into an older man. He made eye contact with me, then quipped, “Hey, do you mind if I use that thing for a while?” (He was referring to my wheelchair). I laughed and said, “I would but I kinda need it myself”. He then took out an index card from his pocket and put it in my face. “These are all the medical conditions I suffer from”, he said. I did not recognize any of the conditions but that’s probably because he had the jargon-y official scientific names written down.
He proceeded to completely open up to me about his life (I suspect my wheelchair gives me a certain “he’s safe” vibe) and his struggles. He told me he was 80 years old, lived alone and had no friends or family anywhere. He described the physical struggles he has, which include an inability to remain standing and walking for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. He also told me he cannot use any type of cane or walker because he has a condition that is very similar to carpal tunnel, only much more severe (I can’t recall the name).
I glanced at his hands and saw grossly over-grown fingernails. He was simply unable to use nail clippers. He said over and over, “I need help getting help”. He apparently falls at home and has no one to care for him. He’s also very hard of hearing and has lots of issues simply acquiring the appropriate hearing aides. He triggered a great deal of empathy from me. This man was not someone who should be living alone. He was falling apart, physically and mentally. But he was the sweetest, nicest guy you could imagine.
To me, this seemed like a tragedy waiting to happen. I asked him if he’d like to exchange phone numbers, simply so he had a resource to turn to in an emergency. His reply, sadly, was that due to his hearing difficulties as well as the problems with his hands he was unable to communicate via phone. I tried asking him if he’d ever heard or used the TTY system but that conversation was a failure. He kept thinking I was saying things other than what I actually said, and it soon became apparent that it was a futile effort. So what I ended up doing is taking a piece of scrap paper and writing (in big letters) all the pertinent info re TTY. I also wrote my number down, just in case.
The encounter with this man ended when he mistakenly thought he saw impatience or irritation in my face. “If I’m bothering you, I will go. I’m sorry.” I could not convince him otherwise and a minute later, he just shuffled off. But the encounter stuck with me. This man had fallen thru the cracks in society. He had no support, socially, personally, nothing. And he was clearly unable to care for himself properly. It was so sad. It shouldn’t be this way for him but it is. Some people suffer all in silence and for all you know, the person next to you in public has just experienced, or is experiencing, a tragedy.
