Just a little lighthearted venting...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Given the fact that everywhere I go and with everything (really) I do I get people coming right up to me and asking me if I need help, I’ve gotten pretty damned good at being able to identify-beforehand-those people who are likely to be patronizing asses* and ask me if I need help with something that is obviously giving me no trouble.

(*this is not to say that everyone who asks me if I need help is being patronizing. Just that I can identify those people who will come up to me, no matter what I am doing, and ask me)

Case in point; today at Meijer. Now when I do my shopping, I usually go late at night. This not only allows me to get around the store a lot easier without the crowds, it also prevents me from encountering those ‘usual suspects’ of the first paragraph. At least it usually does. Alas, tonight it was not to be. :frowning:

Tonight I just went in to grab a few things; less than I even usually get. All I had were enough items to loosely fill those little handbaskets. I didn’t even have my own backpack filled with anything. After I had all my stuff, I approached the self-checkout aisle and began ringing my it up. At just about the same time as I got to the aisle, another guy walked up to the aisle next to mine. He caught my attention because he was talking, apparently to himself. I looked up at him and saw he was having a conversation on a Bluetooth device. This was a younger guy, I’d say about 5 years or so younger than me (I’m 33).

The conversation he was having was obviously with a girl he was dating, sleeping with or at least trying to sleep with (my guess is with the latter). It was obnoxious and annoying, filled with cheeseball crap. I actually thought of the PUA thread when I was listening to him. But it didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion that this douchebag was going to butt in to my business and ask me if I needed help. It just fit. He’d still be on the call with the girl and he’d be helping out a guy in a wheelchair.

Anyway, I went on putting the last of my stuff in my one bag and tried to appear as pre-occupied and distant from the guy next to me as I could. He only had one item he was buying (I didn’t look to see what it was), so he finished before me. After he had finished his transaction, I felt him standing there next to me, looking.

“You got everything, killer?” My teeth clenched when I heard that, not only his words (?!killer?!) but his dripping-with-patronization tone. I acted as if I didn’t realize he was talking to me, his convo with the lady friend was still ongoing, and kept my head facing the machine. He repeated himself and I pretty much had to acknowledge him in some way so I slowly turned my head and with an annoyed look on my face just looked at him. “You need some help, boss?” The annoyed look on my face just deepened and I didn’t say anything. He stood there for a second and muttered something unintelligible and walked away.

After he left, I shook my head at my prediction coming true. Then I shook my head at how frequently my predictions end up that way. Then I laughed a tired laugh. I’ve gotten good at this shit.

2

“Yes, I need some help. I forgot to buy a butcher knife I could use right now to carve you up. Would you mind going back to housewares and picking out a nice sharp one for me?”

3

I actually thought (afterwards, of course) of asking him if he’d pay for my stuff. That or I was going to ask him to go pick me up a 24pack of waters (at the back of the store, of course). :stuck_out_tongue:

4

Nice. I hate guys like that, who talk like that. I want to rip their tongues out of their heads. Bet he had some nice jewelry and plenty of gel in his hair, too. Such a truly helpful type when no one’s looking, you betcha.

5

I can’t remember the joke, but there’s one out there somewhere. Ask him to go to the john with you, then ask him to pull out your dick in front of the urinal, and after you piss ask him to shake it and put it away. And then tell him you just polished your nails and didn’t want to mess them up.

6

I have gotten incredibly good at determining what asshat is going to stand on the escalator, vs walking. I can just see the sloth in their eyes. Anywho, so you’re sitting down and they’re standing up. Perfect for ball punching if you ask me.

7

Sam Myers was an amazing blues vocalist/harp player. I saw him perform many times. He was blind.

When he performed, he learned the layout of the venue. The band would begin doing a few instrumental numbers, then they would introduce Sam, who would slowly walk to the stage, light a cigarette, and begin performing.

Sam was very self sufficient. Everyone who knew Sam, or knew about him, knew this. One time I was at a club where Sam was performing and some idiot decided to get up and “assist” Sam’s walk to the stage.

Sam yelled, “GETCHER FUCKING HANDS OFF ME, ASSHOLE!!” That night he got his first standing ovation before he even began performing.

8

+1
:cool:

9

Good show of restraint there, sport.

10

I didn’t finish this thought; see, if I were to ask this guy something like this, I would bet he would hem and haw about how he was really just asking me if I needed a hand with my bags. See, people like this don’t really want to help me, they just want to make themselves feel as though they’ve done something “laudable”, but at the same time, something which doesn’t inconvenience them too much. But those things which don’t inconvenience them are things which I don’t need their assistance with; it’s the things like going to the back of the store and lugging the big-ass package of water that would be helpful.

11

I’ve already told you how to solve this problem.

12

+2
:cool:

Sam was beyond cool. Loved that guy, & knew him as a friend for a helluva long time (since 1971 or so).

13

I’ve already got the scars reminding just how far a guy in a wheelchair can go before his disability is irrelevant. :wink:

14

Not sure why you can’t just say “no thanks, I got it” and forgot about the douchebag.

15

I’d like to see him get the pack of waters. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

Should have told him to fetch you a gigantor pack of sanitary napkins. “My old lady is bleeding like a stuck pig!”

17

This.

18

Hell, I get why he gets pissed. Every so often some old guy will say to me “here, let me get that for you missy” and try to take whatever it is I’m carrying right out of my hands. Because it looks too heavy for me, you know, cuz I’m fragile-looking or something, and women shouldn’t carry heavy things. And I’m a completely able-bodied person, and this only happens once or twice a year at most, and my (unspoken) gut reaction is still “Fuck you, I’ve got it, if I needed help I’d ask for it you patronizing old asshole.” If people tried that on a weekly basis, I’d probably snap at these people a lot more often instead of being polite myself. It just gets really fucking old when it happens over and over again.

19

Of course you never can tell. I was in a CVS checkout a month or so ago behind a lady in a wheel chair. After I paid and headed out the door, the parking lot was empty (of people) and she was opening the back of her van. There was a receipt and a couple of dollars lying on the ground pretty much in front of the door so I figured it had to be hers since it couldn’t have been there for long. I think generally I’d have called out to someone, but I figured it was a lot easier for me to go to her so I picked it up and went over.

Since her car was alone in the handicap spots it was probably clear I wasn’t going to mine and was coming to her. Before I could say anything she looked at me and said, “I don’t need any help.” in a very annoyed tone.

I held out the cash and receipt and said, “Should I put this back where I found it then?” She took it with a mumbled thanks and I didn’t offer to help further though I probably would have in other circumstances.

Sometimes it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

20

Was I asleep when I typed this post? Because I swear I typed this post. The next person who snatches something right out of my hands is going to get kicked in the shins. I don’t care if you think it’s taking me 0.0001 second longer to do something than it might take you. I’m not delaying you in any way and I didn’t request your help. Keep your hands to yourself and step back.